I'm looking for perspective on a reoccurring argument which is affecting our relationship. In short my girlfriend has the occasional off day, she comes home from work tired, stressed and not in a good mood. I end up getting wound up because I feel like nothing I can do is right once she's in this mood, she takes it out on me and we end up arguing.
Example, I come in from work at 9pm last night, I had also worked a long day and was feeling tired. I showed my partner some holidays I'd put in at work which she'd asked me to take to help look after my stepson, I mistakenly requested a couple of wrong days and straight away she was annoyed, I apologized and told her it's no problem I'll change them tomorrow. We sat at the kitchen table, ate dinner and she said she wanted to stay in the kitchen for 5 minutes to chill afterwards, my stepson then come into the room, he had been put to bed earlier but he doesn't always stay in bed so my partner picked him up and went upstairs to tuck him back in. I moved into the living room and started browsing the internet on my phone. When my partner came downstairs she was clearly annoyed at me, sat on the other end of the settee and got her phone out. I asked her if she wanted to sit next to me, she said no, asked if anything was wrong and again she said no. I moved over towards her told her I missed her and she became angry again, said "so its ok for you to be on your phone but I can't go on mine?", again I let this snotty comment pass and we decided to go to bed.
Once upstairs I asked what she would like to watch "I'm not bothered" was the reply, so I picked. She rolled over and started to fall asleep, without so much as a "goodnight". I still cuddled her and kissed her goodnight then eventually after no affection or attention from her at all I stopped cuddling and watched the TV, by this point I was pretty annoyed also.
We wake up this morning and she's still in a bad mood, I try to snap her out of it to no avail and in the end I say "whats up with you?" to which she goes on a rant about me adding to her stress when shes had a bad day, she says she feels like she can't come home tired because I've made her feel like being tired is not allowed and that basically this whole thing is my fault because it's normal to have a bad day. I tried to explain I couldn't care a less about her being tired but I'm not happy to be spoken to like a piece of crap and have her take her moods out on me and then she left to go to work, again in a mood.
The details may differ but the same situation occurs over and over, she comes home in a bad mood, takes it out on me then gets more annoyed when I ask her to treat me with a little respect and consider my feelings. I understand she has a busy and stressful life but I'm starting to feel like my feelings don't matter and she makes me feel wrong for having them. I often get called selfish when trying to explain things.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a one sided relationship, only here to please her and fill her needs, this is really starting to bother me. I've explained this to her and she says she often feels the same.
What can be done to help in future situations like this? Am I being a bit over the top and exaggerating things? It's so hard because I try to keep my mouth shut to prevent an argument but eventually I loose my cool.
Most of the time thing's are great but every now and again it's like someone has replaced my girlfriend with a completely different person I don't know or understand.