Does sex with friends ruin friendship?

[Alicejohnson23xxxx]

Slept with a male "friend" told me he loves me.
We slept together then he said it was a mistake.
Friendship over eh!

Not necessarily. I think it's what happens afterwards that determines whether or not a friendship is ruined.

What? What a twunt. So he thought he loved you, DTD, then suddenly realised it wasn't loving feelings just a bit of indigestion, or some other pathetic excuse?
Yes, unless he has some very good reasons, dump his sorry arse.

I think it's ill advised, more often than not

And yez hs sounds like a massive twat, he's not a friend.

Apparently shit happens.
Hasn't spoke since the "event"
Silly silly me

It's not your fault, he was your friend and you understandably trusted him. If you knew he was a cock you wouldn't have been mates to start with.

Lesson number 1 young lady!.

"A bloke will say anything to get a girls knickers off"

Lesson hopefully learnt the hard way;!.

Don't beat yourself up. I've when younger done the same thing;!.

Its nature at work!.

It's not nature, it's someone actively being a dickhead.

Sometimes it can make things a bit awkward, but usually that passes. Out my group of close friends I've known since school, everyone's 'done' everyone else at some point, pretty much, and while there might have been adjustments that needed to be made and expectations that might not have been met in the short term, we're still all really close now and have been to each others' weddings/kids' christenings etc (now we're all getting into the 'divorce' stage ... )

However, as others have said, how you behave afterwards might well ruin it. And it sounds like he's acting like a total wanker in the aftermath. Steer clear. You're not silly. Having sex with a friend doesn't make you silly. Having sex with someone who says they love you especially doesn't make you silly. Lying to someone about your emotions ... now, that really does make a person silly. And a twat.

I have slept with friends and stayed friends. But you both have to be decent people with neither of you wanting any more. If he's an arse - its a tad trickier.

That's the thing if he had said it's sex well then it's sex.
When people start playing with emotions it's a different ball game.
Think it's v cruel to pretend you care.

This bloke is 36 too!

And?.

Don't men mature as they get older or is that just a myth

It's not a man thing, it's an immature twat thing

I think it is difficult for friendships to survive sex unless you are both very grown-up, able to detach it from the friendship, etc etc

I'd say, generally, IME and from what I've observed, it's really difficult for a friendship to survive but most of the ones I've known have been drunk bunk-ups rather than pre-agreed no strings type stuff.

Having said that I know loads of friends female same sex friends who have had a bit and that seems to be quite easy to have it as just a thing and no feelings / problems / whatever involved.

Anyway.

He said he loved you, you had a shag, then he decided the shag was a mistake and he's been ignoring you ever since? He's just your basic common or garden wanker and an immature one at that.

How long have you been friends / were you very close, looks like you need to call it a day not least because he's not talking to you but even if he did, well, he's acted like a complete twat hasn't he.

Sorry this happened.

"Don't men mature as they get older or is that just a myth"

Should read other posting on other topics on the board;!).

Well some do and some do not.

Well we aren't exactly close "friends" but we would talk etc and have mutual friends.
He has been flirty for a while.

The other thing I have found in my life (that I definitely didn't realise when I was young) was that a sadly large proportion of blokes still see female friends as female first and friends second. I used to think that the idea that a man and a woman could be just friends was obvious and common, but after having so many of my male "friends" make passes at me, I've changed my tune. I still have male friends and that's all OK. But, a lot of blokes, I thought they just saw me as a person they liked. When I realised that wasn't it, it was just really disappointing TBH.

Anyway.

xposts

Ah well then alice write it off to experience and forget about being friends with him (on an individual basis). Doesn't sound like you've lost a close friend and if you have mutual friends and so bump into each other, I reckon any weirdness on either side will have passed after the 4th outing or so

DW was a friend first and we have been married 26 years tomorrow. It can work but your male 'friend' has been an utter rotter.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 I think you've got that summed up quite well.

It is a job to keep it to a friendship as to have a good female friend around is a great asset they see things differently and from a differing aspect which is sometimes invaluable.

And don't most all relationships start with a friendship of sorts?.

Only problem is you might what an opinion of a problem in your marriage and she could give you that its only when the ; well you can imagine the rest;(.

Well he is off my Xmas care list
I have feelings for him which is annoying

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Hmmm.... this thread seems somewhat familiar