I have been online dating for a while, and usually am very monogamous, but decided I was investing emotionally too soon, so chose to play things a bit more loosely and have been dating multiple men at the same time. I have felt a bit guilty, but it has helped me not to attach emotionally. I am not talking about serious relationships, but at the moment I am going on dates with and texting 4 men and txting another 3 or 4 too.
One of the men I have been dating, in fact the one I thought mostly likely to be a one night stand or short lived fling, has started to grow on me and I feel a bit confused.
He's probably the least desirable on paper. He lives a distance away. He still has a flatmate and is a bit younger than me. He works a lot of hours. He's the least handsome if I am honest and not my usual type!
We started out a year ago texting on Tinder and he asked me out quite a few times and I said "no" due to the various obstacles. I was looking for a life partner and it just seemed like a bad idea.
Over time he just grew on me though. He was persistent but a gentleman. He was kind and showed maturity. He was so consistent and honest and showed his vulnerable sides as well as a great sense of humour. We spent a bit of time together as friends, and I had a few drinks one day and we ended up in bed.
Unexpectedly this was the best sex of my life and I woke up floating on air - but he didn't phone me afterwards and seemed a bit distant. I figured it had all been a long effort to get me into bed and was quite hurt and upset so I deleted his number and thanked him for a "one off night".
I didn't expect to hear from him again, but he phoned me a week later to tell me that I'd really hurt him; that the night we had together had meant something to him and that he'd not been able to stop thinking about it. I explained I had walked away because he had gone cool towards me and he said I had completely misread it.
So we are currently "dating", but I am quite confused about it all and how he feels about me and as my feelings grow I am tempted to walk away to avoid being hurt.
It's been only a few weeks, but it's very passionate and I enjoy it, but I do feel like he sends mixed signals which makes me feel a bit sad and down sometimes and I am not sure if it's me being over sensitive.
I have aproached it from the start by telling him I am not interested in a long relationship with him due to the factors mentioned, and so he sees this as an affair or fling but says he is happy with whatever time he can have with me.
When we are together, it is amazing, and he is so sweet and romantic and lovely to me. He is so affectionate and we cuddle and watch films together and he cooks for me. He basically seems to want to bend over backwards to make me happy, and he is kind and thoughtful. He wants to know all about me and we have great talks and so much affection it feels fantastic. He makes me laugh and he is innocent in a way but also very strong and calm and makes me feel safe and we never want to leave each other. I have a bit of a busy life, and DC, so he has to fit around me quite a lot and never complains.
He invited me to meet his friends at a house party the other night, and seemed quite shy and cute in asking (I had to clariffy he was asking as he was wording it in a very shy way!) but I said I couldn't make it because I genuinely had other plans. When I am with him, his friends are texting him to ask how it's going because they know he waited a year for me and they are happy for him.
My problem is that really I am starting to fall for him, and feeling like I want to stop seeing other people but to some degree he behaves confusingly so I feel doubtful that he feels the same. The main issue being that right after we have a night together he goes very quiet. Doesn't phone. Sends brief texts. Doesn't ask what I am doing or whatever. Then he sort of escalates again into "I need to see you" and being all passionate again, which I suppose makes me feel like a booty call - although he would deny that as he says it is more than sex to him.
He says he doesn't want us to see other people, says he is scared someone else might steal me away and I have avoided the conversation because I feel like I need more from him to be exclusive and offer that commitment.
I am just not sure whether or not to invest in my growing feelings and tell him how I feel, or whether to keep it light and breezy for a few months and continue to see others and try not to read into things?
I have had two loving relationships before, and haven't experienced someone going a bit cold and quiet after sex before and I've got a feeling this means he doesn't want to get too close and sees this as a mainly sexual affair?