EA, can they ever really change?

[Imflabulous]

As a above really, my Dh has been emotionally abusive among other things and is currently moved out. It has been over many years things have come to a head and I have given "one more chance" more times than I can count. I have agreed to possibly give it another go if I can see evidence of change. The trouble is I am scared he doesn't change or makes a good act of changing and I am back to square one.

Can they change? Or am I flogging a dead horse?

Any help or advice appreciated.

I gave my XH so many 'one more chances' that I lost count. We separated years ago, finally got the financials sorted and he rarely sees the DCs. But he still tries to drip feed EA. either that or emotional blackmail, all by text to me or the DCs.

Fact is, I'm getting married soon, XH doesn't even know I've been seeing anyone and he would shit his pants if he met DP - mainly as he's not a woman or a child he can bully. And DP drives a better car!

So no, IMO they don't change.

Thank you all again. Feeling quite strong and positive at the moment, although he is adamant we will possibly get back together in months or years (I don't think so!).

Just in the process of changing all my dd over to my own account, most of other financials are sorted apart from car, which we are currently sharing ( whoever has kids has car) but will prob eventually need to sell it.

It really does help me reading back on every ones advice and experience and I can see even now he is still trying to control the situation.

just taking one step at a time and then I will make a solid plan for mine and my childrens future.

yes one step at a time is the best way.
you'll get there and you have your head screwed on, so you'll be fine.
sorry but he will always look to control you, so stay on your toes. until perhaps he is distracted by something else in the future.

you can't change his sort.
you can help yourself though and you're winning already.

Oh he is trying to regain control. He is currently changing tactics quicker than I can blink. Going from nicey nicey I love you to im a money grabber and back again....im not biting.

Imflabulous, yep, I got ALL of that too. For years. Stay firm and don't reply unless you have to, or at least leave it for a while. He is not your priority.

My XH would send texts about the DCs but with a question that needed an answer. I'd reply and he'd send another that needed an answer. I'd then realise he was trying to draw me into a conversation again. I only reply now the next day, if at all. YOU are in control now.