Is anybody up at this hour im having a terrible time do you remember me?

[Smallbear86]

Hi does anyone remember me ?
I am sorry to post again I need help and advice.
I left my nasty bastard months ago he worked his way back in again I had a long thread on here about it.
I know its like history repeating itself but I really do need help.
He had changed at bit since last time like he got better once I left him but obvs his feet are back under now and im going through the same shit accept its worse for me mentally.
My dad died on Monday he committed suicide if anyone has experienced this you will know how this feels. I literally have struggled to even get out of bed each day I loved my dad so much he was good to me he had a kind and caring heart.
Im going through hell I cry every Mornjng then put on a happy face after that got no choice.
I lost my job two weeks ago redudant so I've got no money either didn't get a pay out as wasn't there long enough.
So things are bad for me I never have any money as it is not that that is why I'm posting here.
He came back yday and started shouting at me because milk split in the fridge im a tramp apparantley as I haven't cleaned it and his dad was here yday and he could of looked in the fridge and saw what a tramp I was that fridge is virtually brand new blah blah went on and on at me hello my dads just died do I give a fuck what your saying right now?
So I got up this Mornjng my kids went out their dad today he was here with his kids and I said shall we go to this market good few miles from us you know something to do. He didn't want to he wanted to go to some shit shops we always go to as he wanted some CDs.
In the end he said he would take me when we got there he said if this is shit im going to slap you he never would but I know he was in a mood and then he just kept walking off and leaving me turn around and they keep walking off. In the end he stormed off to car and said I had spoilt his and his kids day. I wanted to get the train home but I had ten pound and I didn't know how to get home or anything or where the station was. So I got stuck in the car for an hour and he wouldn't talk to me the whole way back.
He got us some food and then said you can buy your own he got me something snd then asked me did I like my free food even though he eats at mine all the time and I don't ask for anything. I just wasn't in the mood I wanted to come home I wanted to cry.
My dads just died ffs why you doing this to me now for :-(
Im not strong I got home and he left and I got the kids back but all night im thinking get rid of him. I text him told him im so upset about how you treated me today im going through hell he said I know how you feel from when my grandad died no apology nothing. You don't know how I fucking feel you haven't got a clue mate.
I've had one hug and one cup of tea since it happened im not expecting milly coddling but come on.
I know it's my own fault but it's like my brain is brain washed I feel like this will never end for me that's how I feel.

What are the practicalities at the moment, Small ? (eg I know you said that you lost your job recently but is the house in your name and all the financials still separate etc?)

Is it 'just' a matter of plucking up the nerve to tell him to go and insist that he does it ?

Small he is taking advantage of the fact that you are very vulnerable because you're going through such a traumatic time.
Do you think you can start putting together a rough plan to get him out of your life?
Is there some way that you can disengage from him and reduce the impact that he has on you.
I appreciate it's very difficult if he's round yours all the time...it sounds like he's always 'in your face' :(

Can you look back at what worked last time you got him out of your life?

Also perhaps look at the tactics he used to worm his way back in and be on the lookout for them in the future

Ring Women's Aid tomorrow and tell them you want to end this but you're really struggling and need help. Your dad sounds very kind. If you know he would have hated you being in this position, maybe that could be your source of strength in taking the step - that you are honouring him and his love for you by stepping away from the abuse. I know it will be very hard but it has to be done.

How are things, Small ?

Im sorry I have not replied to this my dad is still not buried it's happening next week it feels like forever already since he died to me I feel like I have not seen him or talked to him for ages but it's not been that long.
That selfish piece of shit is still here I've been in turmoil for two days trying to think of how to get rid of him. The final straw was he asked me two nights ago to buy him trainers on my dads credit card because k haven't even been in the bank yet to close my dads accounts I was going to do it after the funeral. He actually asked me to buy HIM trainers on my dead dads card this guy is vermin really. I Told him yday I didn't feel well and he couldn't stay here but he's coming here now and I want to tell him to go that he's no longer welcome I've been waiting all day for this I don't know what he will do or say but he's so big headed he will put on an act at first the bastard I hate him .

Your Dad's card? That is low.

Did you manage to phone Women's Aid, Small ? You're an abuse victim.

PS - phone the cc company and put a stop on card spending immediately. You can do that over the phone pending the formalities.

Your dad's card, that is what a horrible man.

Small I don't think I saw your previous thread but don't ever think you'll get a ragging on here for taking him back. Plenty of us have been there and we know how hard it is because you just want them to change and be who they seemed to be when you first met them. Unfortunately that person doesn't exist, they were pretending. It's so hard to let go of that dream that they showed us though.

I'm sorry your dad's funeral hasn't happened yet, it must feel like everything's still up in the air. When my H died it was very sudden and it seemed to drag on for ages because they had to do post-mortem, and then we had trouble paying for his funeral as he had let his life insurance lapse. I just felt like I was running in place iykwim, like life couldn't move on until after the funeral.

Is there a friend or maybe your mum or an aunty, who you could tell that you want to get rid of this jerk and ask them to be there when you tell him? That way he is less likely to try to be horrible to you and break you down, and then if he tries the "I've changed, please let me back" stuff again you can talk to them to keep you on track. Do you think that would help?

Wishing you strength lovely for the funeral and for getting rid of this creep

Hi Small - just read your post - huge condolences for your loss there must be a huge hole in your life now and so many questions. I wanted to let you know I was in a similar position my grandad was killed in a car accident and I was caring for my other Grandad who was terminally ill and holding a full time job with an emotionally abusive husband.

I did eventually kick the husband out of my life it is so draining and all you want is some support a hug and told it will be OK - coz like you that's what I did for him when his Nan died.

Taking that first step of getting him out of your house m how he will
Twist it make you feel guilty is a big one but once it's done n you can shut your front door n live how you want to live you will slowly feel better.

Grief is a funny thing we all grieve differently there is no wrong or right way - take your time to get over your loss look after yourself and do what is right for you

I hope it went OK tonight. If he's still not gone (and I know how hard it can be) please call women's aid in the morning.