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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is anybody up at this hour im having a terrible time do you remember me?

60 replies

Smallbear86 · 20/09/2015 01:00

Hi does anyone remember me ?
I am sorry to post again I need help and advice.
I left my nasty bastard months ago he worked his way back in again I had a long thread on here about it.
I know its like history repeating itself but I really do need help.
He had changed at bit since last time like he got better once I left him but obvs his feet are back under now and im going through the same shit accept its worse for me mentally.
My dad died on Monday he committed suicide if anyone has experienced this you will know how this feels. I literally have struggled to even get out of bed each day I loved my dad so much he was good to me he had a kind and caring heart.
Im going through hell I cry every Mornjng then put on a happy face after that got no choice.
I lost my job two weeks ago redudant so I've got no money either didn't get a pay out as wasn't there long enough.
So things are bad for me I never have any money as it is not that that is why I'm posting here.
He came back yday and started shouting at me because milk split in the fridge im a tramp apparantley as I haven't cleaned it and his dad was here yday and he could of looked in the fridge and saw what a tramp I was that fridge is virtually brand new blah blah went on and on at me hello my dads just died do I give a fuck what your saying right now?
So I got up this Mornjng my kids went out their dad today he was here with his kids and I said shall we go to this market good few miles from us you know something to do. He didn't want to he wanted to go to some shit shops we always go to as he wanted some CDs.
In the end he said he would take me when we got there he said if this is shit im going to slap you he never would but I know he was in a mood and then he just kept walking off and leaving me turn around and they keep walking off. In the end he stormed off to car and said I had spoilt his and his kids day. I wanted to get the train home but I had ten pound and I didn't know how to get home or anything or where the station was. So I got stuck in the car for an hour and he wouldn't talk to me the whole way back.
He got us some food and then said you can buy your own he got me something snd then asked me did I like my free food even though he eats at mine all the time and I don't ask for anything. I just wasn't in the mood I wanted to come home I wanted to cry.
My dads just died ffs why you doing this to me now for :-(
Im not strong I got home and he left and I got the kids back but all night im thinking get rid of him. I text him told him im so upset about how you treated me today im going through hell he said I know how you feel from when my grandad died no apology nothing. You don't know how I fucking feel you haven't got a clue mate.
I've had one hug and one cup of tea since it happened im not expecting milly coddling but come on.
I know it's my own fault but it's like my brain is brain washed I feel like this will never end for me that's how I feel.

OP posts:
Grazia1984 · 20/09/2015 08:24

If he lives with you except one night a week presumably that has had a major ipact on any benefits you claim particularly now you have been made redundant so yet another good reason to be rid of him. Why not just put his stuff outside and change the locks?

Smallbear86 · 20/09/2015 09:13

Grazia he doesn't give me a bean. I've just started claiming income support it hasn't gone through yet just getting child tax at the moment.
Im going to have to Lend money to buy my dads wreath this week.

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 20/09/2015 09:28

If you are claiming income support and allow him to stay in your home 6 nights a week, you may find yourself charged with fraud and facing a possible prison term if found guilty.

No man is worth that and you're best advised to get him out of your home again and end this destructive relationship once and for all.

thequickbrownfox · 20/09/2015 09:37

I remember you SmallBear. What would your Dad say if he knew you were being treated like this?

So, so sorry for your loss, and that you are being abused by this nasty apology for a human being Flowers. Do call Women's Aid and let people help you through this.

Don't let this cruel man steal your thoughts and energy when you are grieving.

Name7 · 20/09/2015 09:38

Try and imagine that everyone here is in your house with you, arms folded, supporting you as you tell him no more. Preferably behind a locked door. I hope he hasn't got a key. Get yourself through the freedom programme, call woman's aid. Please look after yourself, and find a way to improve your self esteem so that you don't take any more of this fuckwittery.

MorrisZapp · 20/09/2015 09:39

Nothing will change while you still expect him to be loving and kind. He is not loving and kind, he never will be. Accept who and what he actually is, and act accordingly. You can choose your own path in life but your kids can't, and they're learning from this every day.

If you're frightened of there being an awful scene, then have a friend with you and/or be ready to call the police.

Rozalia · 20/09/2015 09:43

I think I remember you Smallbear. We both had different nn back then.

Thanks I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. You must be feeling stunned with grief and shock. I wish there was someone to look after you, but as there isn't you must look after yourself. Put you and your children first.

You can do this again, you did before. But this time for good. goddess has a good point about possible consequences of having this "man" living in your house. That alone is reason to get him out, that's looking after yourself.

Please call WA as soon as you can. I found it hard to get a reply from their national number, so I called their local number and the women there were wonderful. I felt so disloyal to my abusive STBXH when I first called them but that is how he'd conditioned me to feel. I wish I'd called them years earlier.

These abusive men take advantage of their victims when they're struggling, they see it as a chance to strengthen their own control. He's never going to be the kind, supportive partner you long for. He simply isn't kind and supportive. And him being on the scene is stopping you from meeting a man who is.

Try to find the strength not to let him back when he's had his few days at his Mum's. You know what he's going to say to you, try to mentally detach and watch his manipulations from a distance.

If you simply can't, don't despair. MN is here for you and we'll be with you each step of the way until you do get rid of him.

I would go to see your GP and see what support you can access from them.

I put up/was trapped by an abusive man for twenty years. My biggest regret is the impact that had on my children and how he disrupted my relationship with them. I get on really well with them all but I bitterly regret his abusive presence in our lives ( he is their stepdad). Don't have the same regrets as me. I can never have those years back and I wonder if I'll ever truly recover from 20 years of living with a monster.

Smallbear86 · 20/09/2015 11:05

Rozalia your post has struck a chord with me. He tolerates the kids at best he doesn't do anything with us as a family. I know they are seeing this too.
I don't want to be twenty years Down the line with regret like this I can't believe I let someone else treat me like this. You don't think it can happen to you I was as hard as nails before he came into my life.
Now I'm like weak pathetic puppy looking for any kind of crumbs he offers me.
Being done for benefit fraud weighs on my mind as he literally doesn't give me a penny so im not benefiting in any way by him being here anyway.
I wish I could go back and never have met him, sometimes I feel as if I will have a breakdown how ridiculous is that letting someone do that to me. He puts me down belittles me withholds affection and shouts at me in a rage when things don't go his way.
Thank you all for your support im out of bed anyway and have done some housework.
Not working isn't the best at least I was occupied there and now it's just days filled of thinking. My dad would be devastated knowing a man treated his daughter like this.

OP posts:
Smallbear86 · 20/09/2015 11:08

I actually looked it up two nights ago and the word narcissistic came up and it was describing him.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 20/09/2015 11:11

I remember you Flowers

I have to go out but hang in there. I'll be back :) Stay strong. Read the narc stuff if it helps.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 20/09/2015 11:12

Smallbear I am concerned that you have been a little bit too specific about the date and manner of your poor Dad's death. If there is a risk that it might identify you in RL you might want to get MNHQ to delete or amend that post? Flowers

Smallbear86 · 20/09/2015 12:20

Ok maybe they can amend it just wanted to state all the facts of what is going on in my situation. Thank you DDHD

OP posts:
Rozalia · 20/09/2015 13:48

He is a classic abuser. It can be very helpful to understand why these people behave the way they do. You can then see the various strategies they use to destroy your self esteem and bring you under control.

I believe you were a strong woman. These men love to crush strong women, you're more of a challenge. You will be strong again, it's still there within you. You need to find that strength to get him out for good. He is the enemy of you and your children. You certainly don't want them to pick up any of his behaviours.

Try to build a support network. MN, WA, good friends, your GP. educate yourself. I would love to here that you haven't let him back in your home, but if you can't manage to keep him out yet, please don't go away. You'll get there.

MatildaTheCat · 20/09/2015 15:11

If there can be one positive result from your poor dad's tragic death let it be this: you finally saw the light, realised how precious and short life is and got rid of this nasty bastard for once and for all.

Call WA ASAP and get the support. Text all your friends and tell them you need help. Do anything that helps but please, please get rid and start, slowly, slowly to rebuild your life.

You have DC. Life can be good again. At least you aren't currently forced into work every day and have time to do what you need to do. If possible get out of the house every day and do a little gentle exercise. See your GP if you feel it would help. There are groups for those affected by suicide, maybe later this would be useful.

Be very gentle with yourself. Accepting that he will never be what you hoped for is difficult but you know he's wrong in every possible way and you do deserve better.

G1veMeStrength · 20/09/2015 15:19

Small bear I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. What was he like?

We are all rooting for you. We all care about you more than that nasty bastard does. And we're strangers off the internet - he is no good for you. You can tell him: it is over, final, you CAN do it xx

Flowers
Smallbear86 · 20/09/2015 15:38

My dad was a kind and caring man he didn't have a lot but he was generous with what he had.
He was very sentimental for a man he always got me beautiful cards with verses in them.
He would always go and pick the birthdays and Christmas presents himself he was on his own. He always got me good presents perfume hair dryers and always got the boys lovely things too.
We used to meet up and go for food he always paid he never let me put my hand in my pocket always asked if I was ok for money and give me £20.
He bought me a car a few years ago it was £3000 he had some money Left to him not a lot but he got me the car out of it and have my brother the same.
He used to drink he was always going dry for ages then would drink again. I didn't judge him for it he had his problems but I thought he was happy.
He was a good person I never heard him complain and never once heard him say a bad word against anyone and that is a mean feat in this day and age.
I am proud of him because he had a good soul I will miss him so much :-( my lovely dad.
Thankyou for letting me write that.

OP posts:
OneDay103 · 20/09/2015 15:55

So sorry about your dad opFlowers
This man is an abuser. Yes he needs to go from your life. Please do get in touch with WA. He is the very last thing you need while going through this grief.
Remember the person that broke you, can't be the one to fix you.
Take it one step at a time, small steps. If the only thing you do next is cut communication its one step.

cozietoesie · 20/09/2015 16:24

Your Dad sounds like a fine man, Smallbear - I'm so sorry he's gone from your life.

Have you worked out roughly yet how you're going to tell the thing to get out of your life again?

NameChange30 · 20/09/2015 18:42

Your dad sounds wonderful - you will miss him terribly but it sounds like you have some lovely memories of him to keep.

Good luck getting rid of the arsehole

Xxx

G1veMeStrength · 20/09/2015 23:28

Your dad sounds amazing. What a kind soul. Sending you all my sympathy Smallbear Flowers

Smallbear86 · 22/09/2015 12:37

Thanks everyone tried to post back yday and couldn't. Been very hard few days for me ??

OP posts:
Marcipex · 22/09/2015 16:17

I'm glad to see you posting Smallbear. I was just thinking of you and hoping you're okay.

cozietoesie · 22/09/2015 17:25

The site was up the creek yesterday, Smallbear so I'm also glad to see you posting. Has he turned up again?

Smallbear86 · 22/09/2015 22:55

Yes he wants to know why I'm being such a cow just because I stood up to him and asking what's wrong with me. I just haven't got it in me to do anything at te moment but I know I have to unless I want a life of regret which I know will happen waste my life.

OP posts:
Justaboy · 22/09/2015 23:37

Smallbear86 No wonder you miss your dad he sounds like an angel compared to this devil.

Just a question, you say he see's his mum do you get any support from her at all least he can go and live with her in case he starts some crap about you making him homeless. Course you just HAVE to be rid of him he's toxic for you, you need a big shoulder to cry on right now, not all that grief on top of that you have been through:(