I think I remember you Smallbear. We both had different nn back then.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. You must be feeling stunned with grief and shock. I wish there was someone to look after you, but as there isn't you must look after yourself. Put you and your children first.
You can do this again, you did before. But this time for good. goddess has a good point about possible consequences of having this "man" living in your house. That alone is reason to get him out, that's looking after yourself.
Please call WA as soon as you can. I found it hard to get a reply from their national number, so I called their local number and the women there were wonderful. I felt so disloyal to my abusive STBXH when I first called them but that is how he'd conditioned me to feel. I wish I'd called them years earlier.
These abusive men take advantage of their victims when they're struggling, they see it as a chance to strengthen their own control. He's never going to be the kind, supportive partner you long for. He simply isn't kind and supportive. And him being on the scene is stopping you from meeting a man who is.
Try to find the strength not to let him back when he's had his few days at his Mum's. You know what he's going to say to you, try to mentally detach and watch his manipulations from a distance.
If you simply can't, don't despair. MN is here for you and we'll be with you each step of the way until you do get rid of him.
I would go to see your GP and see what support you can access from them.
I put up/was trapped by an abusive man for twenty years. My biggest regret is the impact that had on my children and how he disrupted my relationship with them. I get on really well with them all but I bitterly regret his abusive presence in our lives ( he is their stepdad). Don't have the same regrets as me. I can never have those years back and I wonder if I'll ever truly recover from 20 years of living with a monster.