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Original poster

He's married right?

55 replies

Glassofwineneeded · 19/09/2015 14:20

Have been chatting to a guy online. He is moving to my area on Sunday for a new job. We have been talking for a couple of weeks and he wants to meet - I said yes and gave him my number as I said texting would be easier. He said he would prefer to stick to talking online until he moves.
He has told me he will be travelling 3 hours every Friday to see his kids for weekends.
So I'm guessing he's still married and just wants a women close to work who can entertain him during the week! Then Friday night he goes back to his wife and kids.
So do I trust my instincts or am I just being silly?

OP posts:
TheStoic · 19/09/2015 14:29

Does he say where he would be staying, and why the kids don't come to him?

Could well be married. But regardless...I wouldn't really want to date someone I couldn't see on weekends.

Lj8893 · 19/09/2015 14:33

Yeah he's married! Avoid.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 19/09/2015 14:35

What stoic said.

AlfAlf · 19/09/2015 14:38

Sounds dodgy.

He said he'd prefer to stick to talking online until he moves..to which you say, "Oh? Why, exactly?"

ImperialBlether · 19/09/2015 14:47

Have you ever spoken to this man on the phone?

Unless you can phone him whenever you want, he's married.

DoreenLethal · 19/09/2015 14:50

Of course he is married!

DragonsCanHop · 19/09/2015 14:51

It's the text thing that would be the red flag for me.

Fuckitfay · 19/09/2015 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrskeats · 19/09/2015 15:03

Can't you just ask him or do some online snooping?

Original poster
Glassofwineneeded · 19/09/2015 15:08

Thank you oh wise ones. You have all confirmed what I thought I knew.
It was the text thing that was a red flag for me too! I hadn't even considered it until then.

OP posts:
Yellowpansies · 19/09/2015 15:18

I'd be cautious. But men can be wary of giving out their phone numbers to people they've not yet met too you know.

I'd ask a few more questions about the set up with his kids - how often he sees them, where, how long divorced, etc and see if he runs off or comes out with a reasonable story.

Original poster
Glassofwineneeded · 19/09/2015 17:05

Update! I actually asked him if it was just his kids he was seeing every weekend and not his wife too. He was really pissed off, I properly irritated him and got a right telling off for not trusting him and now I've blown it. He doesn't want to meet up any more. I feel gutted.

OP posts:
poocatcherchampion · 19/09/2015 17:10

Def married!

0dfod · 19/09/2015 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nonnainglese · 19/09/2015 17:16

Why the heck are you gutted? You suspected he is married and you've blown his nasty little plans to play away- I presume you have better morals than him? Or doesn't that matter to you?

definiteissues · 19/09/2015 17:17

Not wanting to give out your number doesn't mean you are married.
I don't like giving out my number right away. I'm not married or in a relationship, I just don't like to.

Seeing his kids on a weekend is normal too. Plenty of men have weekends with their kids.

I think you have been overly suspicious here

Nevergoingtolearn · 19/09/2015 17:17

Go with your gut instinct, it's isally right. I was seeing a guy a while ago who started acting strangely, he was always busy, would happily come to my house but if I suggested going to his he would stop taking too me Hmm, I had a sneaky feeling he was married so walked away.

HannahHobbins · 19/09/2015 17:20

Weird that he got so cross about it, if he wasn't married wouldn't he have just said no? The reaction you got suggests that he doesn't like being questioned because he is hiding it!

Don't be gutted, who the fuck does he think he is 'telling you off' so early, you are well rid.

HannahHobbins · 19/09/2015 17:21

Not that telling you off at any stage is acceptable BTW, just nasty that he feels able to speak to you like that so early on in your relationship IFKWIM?

loveyoutothemoon · 19/09/2015 17:22

I'm not surprised he doesn't want to me meet you any more! It's normal for a man/woman not to want to give out their number for a while.

WhatDoesTheUrbaneFoxSay · 19/09/2015 17:23

I'd say you were right and he's pissed off that cheating isn't going to be as easy as he thought it would be. That's why he was irritated!

My photo online is blurry and somebody asked if I was married! I just laughed and said no. But that I could see why a blurry photo might lead people to think that.

Another time, I was arranging to meet some guy (in a coffee shop) and out of the blue he said 'we can't go to my house'. I thought that was such an odd thing to say before even meeting. I stopped messaging after that.

TendonQueen · 19/09/2015 17:24

I don't think he had a right to tell you off. It's not exactly unusual for people to cheat on their partners in this way, and the ' would rather talk online' thing was odd. He could have just explained that no, he wasn't married and you could have his phone number and he was fine with you ringing. If he gets angry so quickly that might have been an entirely different problem you'd be stuck with, if indeed he really isn't married. Are you sure he's not sticking to the letter of the law and saying he's not married, which is technically true but he does have a partner

I would go with dignified politeness when you see him. Don't act as if you did something terrible because you didn't.

0dfod · 19/09/2015 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TendonQueen · 19/09/2015 17:28

Sorry, thought the job was where you work so guess you won't necessarily be seeing him - but I still think you aren't missing much. When would you see him if he's never here on weekends? And I don't think giving your mobile number to someone you want to date is excessive.

loveyoutothemoon · 19/09/2015 17:29

'rather talk online' is not odd. You get some right weirdos on dating sites. I never give my number out until at least I've met someone. So many people don't.