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Relationships

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Original poster

He's married right?

55 replies

Glassofwineneeded · 19/09/2015 14:20

Have been chatting to a guy online. He is moving to my area on Sunday for a new job. We have been talking for a couple of weeks and he wants to meet - I said yes and gave him my number as I said texting would be easier. He said he would prefer to stick to talking online until he moves.
He has told me he will be travelling 3 hours every Friday to see his kids for weekends.
So I'm guessing he's still married and just wants a women close to work who can entertain him during the week! Then Friday night he goes back to his wife and kids.
So do I trust my instincts or am I just being silly?

OP posts:

TRexingInAsda · 19/09/2015 17:29

Don't be gutted! You were right, he is married. He's also a rude git for telling you off for asking a perfectly reasonable question, how dare he! Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who acts really dodgy and then blows up at you if you dare question him about it?! You've had a lucky escape.

TendonQueen · 19/09/2015 17:30

OK, evidently it's more common than I thought not to give out your number. The other issues still stand.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 19/09/2015 17:33

Yep. He was married. Clarifying a potential online date's marital status is pretty standard!

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 19/09/2015 17:34

He's pissed off you sussed him. That's all.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 19/09/2015 17:37

'rather talk online' is not odd. You get some right weirdos on dating sites. I never give my number out until at least I've met someone. So many people don't.

Not giving out number until you've met is fair enough but he wasn't prepared to give out the number until he had moved which would still have been before they met which is why it's a red flag. Divorced men often do see their children on weekends but it is unusual for it to be every weekend especially where you have a 300 mile journey. My instincts say yes he's working away during the week and going home to his family at weekends. One question op did he just have a go at you for not trusting him or did he actually state he is divorced. Don't be gutted either because his outburst at you asking is a good sign that he's not an ideal partner.

loveyoutothemoon · 19/09/2015 17:44

Yes I suppose so baroness. My ex sees our children most weekends but yes I agree on the 300 mile thing.

WhatDoesTheUrbaneFoxSay · 19/09/2015 17:45

Also, he was expecting a high level of trust from somebody he wasn't even prepared to TALK to over the phone, wasn't he? I mean, if you'd talked on the phone, and if you were welcome to call him any time, then perhaps I'd judge him less harshly here!

ohmyeyebettymartin · 19/09/2015 17:49

"I'd say you were right and he's pissed off that cheating isn't going to be as easy as he thought it would be. That's why he was irritated!"

Sooo true!

The number thing in itself isn't a huge issue, but the rest of it all together all adds up.

Original poster

Glassofwineneeded · 19/09/2015 18:01

Thank you. You have all made me feel so much better. I do have morals nonnainglese that's why I did ask him if he was married. I'm gutted because I thought I had finally met a decent guy online and have been proved wrong.
I too thought seeing the children every weekend was a bit unusual, usually it's every other especially if there is travel involved. My ex sees the children about once a month if I'm lucky, he's 100 miles away not 300.
I've had a few dates from OLD and never before encountered a guy not wanting to give out his number.
And it's true, if he got so irritated by a simple question how would he react if I asked more personal questions? I'm well rid lol

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 19/09/2015 18:05

His response to your question confirms that he is married. He protests too much. Lucky escape for you there.

Fuckitfay · 19/09/2015 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

definiteissues · 19/09/2015 18:54

It isn't confirming anything.
It confirms he was pissed off about being accused of being married for no reason

Alittlecurious · 19/09/2015 19:28

I have found guys give out their number very quickly. I would have been wary of this guy too for the reason he gave.

I was chatting to a guy online every day for several weeks, nice older professional man. We arranged to meet for a coffee in a hotel bar one day (his suggestion.) Just before we met he said, I did tell you I still live with my wife and kids, didn't I, but we are 'like brother and sister.'

When I called it off he couldn't understand why. He said, I work in your area, I go home at weekends, it could be the perfect arrangement.

Btw I never had his number.

TheStoic · 19/09/2015 23:51

He was really pissed off, I properly irritated him and got a right telling off for not trusting him and now I've blown it.

Yep, married.

Why on earth would you 'trust' some random guy you haven't even met yet?

He had no answers for you, so had to go on the attack.

Don't you dare be 'gutted', please. Be proud of your instincts. They're in perfect working order.

ChilliAndMint · 20/09/2015 00:20

This has happened to me countless times ,which is why I'm not in a hurry to use OLD sites again.

In the future ,don't give out your number; instead us KIK; you are only disclosing your username plus it's free.

TheDowagerCuntess · 20/09/2015 08:30

...and got a right telling off for not trusting him and now I've blown it.

LOL.

Why would you trust him?! He's a stranger.

Trust has to be earnt, and he hasn't had anywhere near enough time to earn it yet.

Well done on heeding that massive red flag.

WhatDoesTheUrbaneFoxSay · 20/09/2015 08:35

Exactly. He was a stranger who hadn't even given out phone number to you and yet you were expected to trust him!!

TheStoic · 20/09/2015 09:10

Tell him you wish him all the best, and good luck in finding a Monday-Friday mistress girlfriend.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 20/09/2015 09:36

Yeah, seriously, questions to clarify someone's status are completely normal. You hardly 'accused' him as someone suggested upthread. That's ridiculous.

And no, of course you didn't trust him. He's a stranger. You didn't even know that the photo was of him or that he was the height he stated (he wasn't )

WhatDoesTheUrbaneFoxSay · 20/09/2015 09:42

lol at TheStoic, perfect message!

Zucker · 20/09/2015 10:41

Of course he's still married. He's so annoyed with you because you caught him out in his lies. He's an arse.

forumdonkey · 20/09/2015 11:26

I had this with a guy. He was mad keen and text me loads and he was the one pursuing me but when it came to arranging a meet he was busy looking after nephews and nieces - first red flag. I asked him to add me to FB (Tinder works through FB, so you have to have an account) - he conveniently forgot to do it, he then forgot his password, was too busy- married, married, married!! When I busted him he got narky too. I've always found FB very revealing, if someone is single there's never a problem with an add.

Your guy won't let you phone him until he moves and his children won't be coming to his home to stay - HE'S MARRIED!!

ImperialBlether · 20/09/2015 13:13

Why don't you say, "I'm so sorry I upset you. I think it's better to talk about this on the phone so I can apologise properly. Can you send me your landline number and I'll call - not sure when it'll be as I've got lots on, but it'll be one evening this week, or maybe the weekend. Thanks - speak soon!"

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 20/09/2015 13:52

I've always found FB very revealing, if someone is single there's never a problem with an add.

I'm single but I'd never dream of adding someone I hadn't met/didn't know to fb. There's too much info - my friends, my hobbies (so where I'll be and when), photos of ny chn...

Aqualady · 20/09/2015 13:55

You uad a lucky escape! Sounds like a guy I met through OLD. In fact scary similar.

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