Opinions on this: BF and new female friend

[streetlife]

I've been with my BF a couple of years, don't live together but for the past 6 months or so things have been a bit rocky; quite a lot of arguments and I feel like the lovely bloke I first met has sort of disappeared.

Recently he's been spending a lot of time with a new work colleague (she joined the company at the beginning of the summer), they share a hobby which I don't do and which can only be done if the weather's nice, so every spare sunny moment it seems that they are off to do hobby. I've asked him if he fancies her but he says they are just good mates. He has quite a lot of female friends and so this isn't that unusual.

But at the weekend she had to move a load of things from hers to her mum's, who lives about 3 hours away. BF offered to give her a lift and she accepted (she doesn't have a car and would otherwise have had to struggle on the train). But to me this seems a bit dodgy: I would only offer to do this kind of thing for a really, really good mate, and I'd only accept if they were a really, really good mate. I definitely wouldn't be offering to/ accepting from a work colleague I'd only known 3 months unless there was some other agenda. As I said before he can be a great bloke and has taken vising female friends off on days out before, but these friends have been people he's known since uni, not a colleague that I haven't met. I'm trying not to get jealous or start accusing him but it just doesn't sit right with me.

That is shit, Colour.

I was cool about Xh working away during the week and hanging out with a female colleague.
They're now married.

CatMilkMan-The nature of such forums is that we usually do only hear one side of the story. In the olden days people used problem pages.

I still the OP's partner is being unfair or has checked out of the relationship. Colour- how awful for you, I'm so sorry.

From the OP:

...but for the past 6 months or so things have been a bit rocky; quite a lot of arguments and I feel like the lovely bloke I first met has sort of disappeared.

... and ...

the arguments are because we seem to have got ourselves into a defensive cycle just picking at things that irritate us about each other. Like I said, he can be a really kind and generous bloke but I don't feel like I see much of that anymore, and he probably thinks the same about me.

The issue isn't with the friendship with the female colleague per se; it's with the whole scenario the OP has described.

(For the benefit of the seemingly hard of comprehension, who love to jump in on threads like this and bang in about how they don't have an issue when M/F friendships - neither do most of us. That's clearly not the issue though, is it...).

It's changed my perspective a lot and now when I read threads like these they just ring alarm bells for me. I trusted him so much and thought he'd be the last person to do such a thing. I used to happily wave them off to weekends away. I'm maybe too cynical now but I just want to protect others...not possible, I know.

I'm neither cool or uncool but it sounds like he is prioritising a new friendship over his long term gf. Whether it was a male or a female he's spending time with, if he's spending time with others at the expense of spending time with me, over a prolonged period, then I'd be annoyed and upset.

It sounds a bit like he's mentally checked out of your relationship. Decide if he's worth it, have a conversation with him. If this is now, add 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, can you imagine a future with small children and a partner buggering off every weekend for his hobby?