Dh and I argue about three things and three things only...

[Iamblossom]

This is simultaneously reassuring and effing annoying.

Need to break the cycle but absolutely can't!!

Should I be glad it's just three things??

Do you have to involve him in all these discussions? It's just that from your example, I don't see why you couldn't have arranged to meet the relative with your DC and then you'd be informing your DH that you've made the arrangement for yourself and your DC. Then you don't need to get into a discussion about whether or not he's correct to have taken against them x number of years ago.

Are you constantly seeking his approval even though you feel you 'know you are right'?

Sometimes you have to agree to disagree and then work round those areas accordingly.

I'd be very frustrated at him withdrawing. I hate that type of moodiness.

I'd be very frustrated at him withdrawing. I hate that type of moodiness.

I also get frustrated at those that think they are always right tbf.

You don't seem to respect your dh's feelings, you said 'imaginary' slight.He is entitled to feel how he feels, maybe he is more sensitive than you.

If a man had written this we would be likely to tell hime he sounded like an insensitive bully.

Get the book 'non violent communication'.You seems determined to have your way as you feel you are right.Change that opinion and you will help your relationship

The thing is, my exh and I doffer on things to do with the children.

I happen to think that I am right. I can see why he thinks what he does, but ultimately, I'm right.

The only problem is that he thinks exactly the same way! He can understand my position, but thinks that he's right.

Each of us believes that we are objectively right. But we can't both be.

That's where compromise comes in.

It isn't always about who is right or who is wrong. It's about how partners discuss things, and both being willing to engage in the process calmly. OP has said that her DH just withdraws in a strop. How is she supposed to negotiate that?

And for those who have suggested otherwise, opinion is subjective, not objective.

Like bialy said it's not always about "winning" and proving that you're right. It's about taking the other person's opinion into consideration and not steam-rolling over their feelings and thoughts on the matter.

You can disagree with someone without making them feel like their opinion doesn't matter. "Announcing" things and engineering discussions so that you get your way isn't a very respectful attitude to have towards someone.

Well if someone made an announcement to me and dictated how things were going to be, I might withdraw in frustration too. We only have her word for it that he strops.

I think you both have issues that don't allow for constructive debate - him for having a stop like a toddler, and you for assuming you are 'right'.

This might seem a bit out there, but this is the kind of stuff that couples' counselling can help with: a third person in the room who is impartial and will make you listen to each other.
Most differences of opinion will be resolvable when both parties listen; listening to the other person is a much undervalued skill IMO and IME.

Hi all.

I promise I'm not a nightmare. . But then I would say that wouldn't I....

I am a very reasonable person!! Of course I would always listen to my children and anyone else for that matter, and not assume my PoV is right and theirs wrong.

Thanks stockandbloom you seem to completely understand.

And actually we row very rarely. It's just when we do it is about these three things typically (not all at the same time thank goodness). Which was kind of my original point. I have been very candid with my assessment of the situation because it's an Internet forum not real life, so I expect I come across much more directly than I would in RL, which is probably why I come across as arrogant. I'm far from arrogant and have never been accused of being so by anyone.

I love the idea of couple's counselling - not because I think I have a flawed marriage, I don't think I do, we have been happily married for 15 years and love each other more now than the day we met. But I love the idea of having an independent person witness the pattern our discussions take. For the same reason stockandbloom would probably enjoy the experience, but I won't say why because I will be accused of being controlling!