The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Waving Goodbye To Summer Nights, Sipping Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse Welcome to the Bus. :)

Well, it would appear that Autumn is on it's way I have the heating on and can't wait to use the log burner.... shhh!

So, who are we? We're just like you. Married, single, divorced, lots of children or no children, working or a SAHM, it doesn't matter, we all breathe the same air.....

We're just trying to live our lives on the Bus, like you do each day. Well, except for one thing...

I know don't start my day with a swig, or seven, from a litre bottle of vodka (choose your poison) any longer.

And that's what has kept me here, for years now. And no doubt many more to come. Reading the stories of others struggles, wanting to say "I feel like that" or "I do that too!" but being to ashamed to be the first to put your hand up.

Well, let me reassure you here and now, there's not much that we haven't read about on here or done ourselves over the years.

We've laughed at stories of haphazard nights out, we've cried at the loss of loved ones and we've shared the pain that only an alcoholic knows when all that they want is to STOP!

Push the pause button, get off the ride, shut the door, bury yourself under the duvet for days. We've all felt that sickening feeling in our gut that makes us want to curl up and hide forever. And we've shared it all on here.

You see I don't know you and you don't know me, so we're just words on a screen to each other. Eventually, you'll get to know me more and I you, and the other fantastic Babes too, some will stay, some leave us, then some come back.

One thing I can PROMISE - here you are safe, here you won't be judged, turned away (unless you're not genuine) and we even have a huge stock of Opal Fruits but that's all down to Ma.

So, if you think we're you're kind of lovely bunch of people to help you stop drinking, slow down, hold your hand while you decide what to do, then come find a seat!

OUR MOST RECENT THREAD

AND A VERY SOBERING READ, THAT LEAD TO THE BIRTH OF THE THREADS THAT FOLLOWED

Kick!!!
Kick my butt.

Evening all - Khalisi - lovely to see you again
Popstar - how are you getting on?
Sweet - I think I must still need a few days sleep - the anticipated whirlwind did not materialise!
I had to send DP to bed a couple of hours ago - he was so tired he couldn't figure out how to turn the grill off. We're like ships that pass in the night this week.
I bumped into an old colleague this morning, he left a couple of months after I did, and coincidentally is now working about 3 buildings away from me. It was so good to be able to say with absolute conviction that I was doing really well, knowing that I didn't have to worry about the early morning booze sweats or red wine stains on my teeth. It's fair to say that in the last 3 years, I've done everything I can to make my life less stressful (apart from the wedding thing!), which has led to me being able to think about looking after myself better in terms of what I'm consuming. I've got no excuse not to look after myself, so when the next stressful time comes, I should have knocked my worst habits on the head.... here's hoping!
How are we all doing this evening?

x-post April - my phone always autocorrects kick to lick - I regularly threaten to lick certain friends of mine in the shins

I've managed another day 2. Despite the roller coaster that is my dads treatment up north. He has a bladder infection and needs a ' procedure' tomorrow to clear out his bladder. They gave him a CTvscan today. He is still being drip fed , on oxygen, catheter etc but at least it feels like we are closer to getting him on road to proper recovery.

I feel genuinely like I have reduced my alcohol load over the last few weeks despite not having been totally abstinent and I would encourage all babes to not give up the overall battle for control due to any level of lapse whatsoever. I'm still having to give myself a stern talking to about not having that first glass and I'm still having to go to bed early but my mood feels more level.

Sweet , Cat , other babes, what kickstarted you into a longer period of abstinence? I'm interested but frightened ....

pops any more news on your dad?

april licking my butt

Popstar - for me it was a combination of too many evenings / weekends too drunk in a row, and the timing being right. At the moment, everything is stable and quiet, and no-one's ill or being a dick!

As I said upthread, I'm using this lull to get back into some better habits. I've only got a few social things to navigate in the run up to Christmas, which makes it so much easier.

I really hope I get some more sleep tonight - went through for a wee to be greeted by elderly cat hacking up a stonking hairball!

Oh April, you have me in stitches!
If ok love, I won't be licking any butts?!

Hey baby! You still chase me up mountains, you know.
You are right, of course. I need you all so much. I was doing so well in sharing my problems and then disappeared into my hole again.
Not on ADs (thank god) but my GP is keeping an eye on me.
I think things were going so well (and still are) with new fella that it overwhelmed me in the way that I kept thinking back and comparing and being very afraid to miss red flags (my daughter, who HATED ex, says to just relax and enjoy as fella is a really nice man).
Work is super stressful. Am still happy that I changed jobs last year but am now planning my future as this one will eat me up and spit me out.
The house is good. Did a whole lot this summer and dd2 is home to help me prepare for the winter.

So looking at the big picture, I should be ok.

Which makes it worse that I'm not.

Thank you so much for the warm words, darling Babes.

XXX

Thanks for asking about my dad babes. He is having a procedure this morning to see what's wrong with his bladder. I'm praying he will not need another op.

On a brighter note I'm on day 3 and feeling much more level of head and even of mood than if id been drinking. If I had us be fuzzy headed and knackered and waiting for 6pm to have another drink and feel better.

Instead I'm starting the rounds tonight of looking at high schools for DD1 .....

Hi friends! Have had a HUGE few days - we became homeowners yesterday for the first time, which is very exciting because we live in a very expensive area and it's been a long time coming (including me changing jobs 2 months ago). So we will move on Sat. Before I would have thought "that's all stressful, surely wine would help" but I don't feel that. Forgive the unashamed pink cloud thinking but I feel great (reading others' posts like this has helped me actually). It's only day 19 but I honestly feel like a slightly different, better version of myself. Just slightly, but it makes a HUGE difference ALL the time.

1. SKIN SKIN SKIN. I am 35 and had acne in my teens and 20s followed by rosacea for pregnancy and last 5 years. Skin has noticeably evened out in last 2 weeks for the first time pretty much ever. This would be enough ON ITS OWN. But then also:
2. EYES. Puffy bags gone.
3. TUMMY. Decreasing.
4. SLEEP. Excellent.
5. READING BOOKS IN EVENING. Like, who knew?
6. LAUGHING FROM BELLY WITH DH AND DS, chemically unassisted. This should be at the top of the list.
7. EXERCISE. Easier and more fun.
8. WORK. Better stamina.

I have read others say all these things but I am here for the first time. I didn't even drink that much (probably under UK govt limits most weeks). What is shocking is that there is no other explanation except that the alcohol, which wasn't even every day, was damaging my ability to be the best me (personal, professional). That is kind of a f**king tragedy, no?

Forgive the pink cloud. It's just very good times for me. Thanks for listening. Being on here helps greatly.

Great post siren and well done on all the benefits. Can't even imagine what day 19 would be like...
Now,can any employment babes tell me how I work out on costs? If I was employing someone at say 20k and someone at 40k, what would the on costs be?

Sirenetta - Congratulations on the house purchase! You must be sooo excited! Your pink cloud sounds familiar :)
Popstar - I'm thinking of your Dad - when mine was in hospital, I delighted in threatening to trim his inch long eyebrows when he was out for the count after his many operations - I called it revenge for the childhood spent eating his truly bizarre food combinations
Khalisi - I've no direct experience of how you are feeling - it sounds phenomenally frustrating - everything seemingly going well, and in spite of this, you feel so horribly

I'm feeling quite pleased with myself - we went for an impromptu steak just now. I'd had a thought of "oh, you've done your fortnight, you could have a beer". But actually, I really didn't want anything alcoholic. There were a shedload of reasons I didn't want anything - I actually wanted to taste my food, I didn't want to be thinking about how many drinks I could get in, I didn't want to spoil my appetite (the sugars in alcohol tend to offset my hunger), and I didn't want to get home & wrestle with the desire to open a bottle of wine when I got in. So I had a lime & soda. And it was lovely.

Good morning, Babes.

Congratulations, Sirenetta! That is such a high, babes! Don't feel bad about your pink cloud! You've worked for it. And day 20!!!
Oh and the skin! God, I always think just for that it is worth not drinking.

I'm doing ok at the moment. Not drinking too much. Stopped at a glass yesterday and slept better last night. Why can't I just remember that alcohol messes my sleep up in a bad way?!
DD2 home from school. We're working on the house together and it is such a pleasure.

Also, FINALLY filed for divorce after 7 years of separation.

Thank you, cat. And well done last night!

Khalisi you are sounding determined and positive well done!

Siren - wow!

My dad sadly has got worse and now has nasogastric tube and they have diagnosed a hole in his bladder. Feels like everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong.
Normally I would have used this as an excuse to drink but I am on day 4 and feeling all the better for it.
Right - now to ring my mum.

Ps cat - well done ! I so recognise that comment about ' seeing how many drinks I can fit in ' with a meal! Made me laugh and cringe at same time !

Good morning lovely babes,

khalisi my heart sings when I see your posts, you have become such a dear friend, my whole life has been turned upside down, dh took me to hospital a few weeks ago as I had declined into a terrible state, both with drink and depression. It has prompted the intervention of a home support team which had been a godsend. The physiatrist has finally diagnosed me as bipolar, as scary as this is, I'm so glad to have a diagnosis and not accept that this is the life I'm destined to. I'm starting a new med next week which has quite a few side effects mainly weight gain as it suppresses your brains message that your full. I'm going to throw myself into a healthy eating and excercise plan to ensure I don't end up heavier, as vain as it sounds, my weight has been a factor in my self confidence and mood so I need to be extra vigilant!! That said I know from many many relapses that willpower alone is not enough to make me better. I have always been different, always felt on the outside looking in to life and constantly baffled how everyone else seems to cope and yet despite being happy with my lot I can go from elation to desperation in s matter of hours and days. I'm hoping this lovely team and their outstanding support will lead me to a happy, stable life, no more uncertainty and pain, how amazing would that be.....

I totally understand what you said about your life being in s good place and yet you still are wracked with doubts and anxiety and can't work out why. I still carry the emotional battle scars from my previous marriage, they changed me, took my joie de vivre, my trust of people and for a long time my hope. You have to separate what others have done from your wonderful fella, it will take time and be scary to make that leap but your a wonderful, smart, sassy woman and deserve to be happy and fulfilled, hell we all do!! We can embrace the future together, a new and wonderful future xxxx

siren you are our new poster girl for sobriety and all that it brings, I smiled all through your post as I'm sure we all did, a new house, a new beginning and a new you, a big beautiful A*, thank you for sharing xxx

pops hope your dad is making progress, what a worry for you, your doing brilliantly under such pressure, big hugs xxx

Lots and lots of love to everyone posting and lurking, haven't time to NC everyone, your all amazing xxx

Baby - keep going. Don't punish yourself.

Popstar I am very sorry to hear about your dad. Day 4 very good. If you can do it now you can do it any time.

Khalisi - thanks for the nice congrats as well. TOday I feel much rougher. Still sober but the 5.30AM - 11PM work trip yesterday did me in a bit, combined with DS coming into our bed last night and moving house the day after tomorrow.

Coffee and onwards! Hope you're all having good days on the bus.

babyj good to hear from you, hope the healthy eating is going okay

pops well done on not drinking, despite the stress you're under with your dad in hospital

I'm on day one again. This week has been a bitof a disaster, especially on Monday when DH was given a bottle of wine at work. Who thinks it is a good idea to give alcohol at work? So many people don't Or can't drink, it just seems like an out of date idea. Anyway, I was champing at the bit to open it, but DH said he didn't want to that evening.

It is so hard to stay a F when there is alcohol in the house! I managed to stay strong on Monday but by Tuesday I unfortunately made DH open it knowing he isn't even bothered by white wine, he had beer anyway. And then yesterday I felt guilty drinking his wine, so went and bought him more – but of course had to buy myself some at the same time. it feels like a never ending circle!

So now I'm starting again and have a new idea or plans will just take it one day at a time.

Evening Babes, I'm all upside down after falling asleep an hour or so ago. Thank goodness it's Friday tomorrow!

Good morning, Babes.

baby I started writing back yesterday and had to leave. I was in tears after reading your post, my darling friend. I feel so guilty sometimes because I know there are people worse off than I. I agreed with my GP not to take meds yet. I am so petrified by my state that it takes my breath away to know you are dealing with much worse. And still surviving.
I really hope the new meds help, my love. Luckily you know the benefits of exercise. So while it might be hard at times to get the motivation, when you do, you will be in it fully and that can only be good.

Fella has his first competitive run today. Another new experience for me. Standing by the sidelines cheering my partner on. But I am happy that I decided not to run with him. He needs his own positives and I didn't want to steal his first run-thunder by leaving him behind me!

So, happy Friday Babes!

Good morning lovely babes!

Hope your Dad is doing ok today pops

Good luck with Day 1 alias

Anybody else excited about the rugby World Cup but slightly daunted at watching the games sober? I'll be fine at home but at least one of the games will be watched with friends in the pub.

Hey April,

I am! Go SPRINGBOKS!

I hope eurosport will show many of the matches. With all this bloody private pay channels, it is becoming hard to see the good stuff on the normal ones!
And as for watching sober, .... As you say, ok at home but I might go to a sports bar for some and then its really hard.
How're you doing, babes?

Scotland for me - we'll be going head to head!

I'm good thanks. Somehow have got to Day 12. Still waiting for a boing though, or anything other than bone crushing weariness!

How are you lovely lady?

I'm off work with the lurgy. I caught all the colds last year, really hope this year isn't a repeat performance. I suspect that if I'd drank last night, I wouldn't have been able to tell this morning that all was not well, I would have dragged my carcass in, and been worse for longer than I think I'm going to be. Day 18 - this is unheard of!

Feel better soon cat, and hurrah for Day 18!!

I've not been great at keeping up but don't think I've seen spanna for a little while. You ok lovely?

Ireland all the way!