The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Waving Goodbye To Summer Nights, Sipping Mocktails.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse Welcome to the Bus. :)

Well, it would appear that Autumn is on it's way I have the heating on and can't wait to use the log burner.... shhh!

So, who are we? We're just like you. Married, single, divorced, lots of children or no children, working or a SAHM, it doesn't matter, we all breathe the same air.....

We're just trying to live our lives on the Bus, like you do each day. Well, except for one thing...

I know don't start my day with a swig, or seven, from a litre bottle of vodka (choose your poison) any longer.

And that's what has kept me here, for years now. And no doubt many more to come. Reading the stories of others struggles, wanting to say "I feel like that" or "I do that too!" but being to ashamed to be the first to put your hand up.

Well, let me reassure you here and now, there's not much that we haven't read about on here or done ourselves over the years.

We've laughed at stories of haphazard nights out, we've cried at the loss of loved ones and we've shared the pain that only an alcoholic knows when all that they want is to STOP!

Push the pause button, get off the ride, shut the door, bury yourself under the duvet for days. We've all felt that sickening feeling in our gut that makes us want to curl up and hide forever. And we've shared it all on here.

You see I don't know you and you don't know me, so we're just words on a screen to each other. Eventually, you'll get to know me more and I you, and the other fantastic Babes too, some will stay, some leave us, then some come back.

One thing I can PROMISE - here you are safe, here you won't be judged, turned away (unless you're not genuine) and we even have a huge stock of Opal Fruits but that's all down to Ma.

So, if you think we're you're kind of lovely bunch of people to help you stop drinking, slow down, hold your hand while you decide what to do, then come find a seat!

OUR MOST RECENT THREAD

AND A VERY SOBERING READ, THAT LEAD TO THE BIRTH OF THE THREADS THAT FOLLOWED

Sweet - cauliflower in any incarnation is just plain wrong. Just thought you'd like to know!

I'm currently plotting to go to an early morning (sober) rave with yoga and massage thrown in with my DBro - he's on a health kick, and is an early riser like me. Just got to find out if I'm supposed to be somewhere else at the same time, which isn't the easiest of tasks. Ho hum.

Blinds ordered, new bed ordered, day off has been a sucess, and I can't believe it's soooo late already!

How's everyone doing this evening?

Cat, you've achieved so much today - I like the sound of the rave, but must graciously beg to differ on cauliflower (which DS eats raw as a snack).

Time to stop for the day. I have just licked the dishwasher to try to figure out what the white residue is. Erk.

Definitely time to stop, Cat!

How is everyone doing this evening?

Ok. Off to work tomorrow then straight to Manchester. Want wine.

Another day done dry!

I sure did think about having a glass of wine with my dinner, though.

I'm good thanks Sweet. Sticking to dry September, so day 10 for me. I'm also sticking to diet and have lost 4lbs already. I know it's just water but I'm still counting it

Of course it counts!

Been to yoga class tonight. It was very good and I really needed the stretch and relaxation after a stressful day.

Early morning rave tickets purchased - sober present to myself! Looks like I'm taking my DB and a very good friend who could use a distraction from some pretty rubbish times. I'm really excited about the prospect of free juices, coffees, massages and yoga - sounds like a great way to kick off a weekend! DP thought I was going to just try for a couple of weeks AF - I'll use this as an excuse to extend my AF endeavours by a couple of weeks. I think yesterday's productive day has shown that so much can be achieved AF - I think it was the lovely Mouse who mentioned inertia - I've lost so much time to alcohol. I do believe that I'm currently going through the TSP (twatty sober Pollyanna) phase, so feel free to ignore!

I wish I'd taken today off work as well - I could do with a day of sofas & snoozing (& possibly cleaning my windows - they are proper grim!).

Sweet - the dishwasher licking proved useful - all that was needed was a change of tablet.

How is everyone this morning? Popstar - I hope you can manage to catch your train before the Friday exodus starts - G&Ts and beers on the train used to be my thing, but tea & boiled sweets and the distraction of the internet is better - no chance of falling asleep & missing my stop

Morning.

typed post last night, and forgot to press 'post message', and I don't even have the booze to blame!!

Faire, that 4ilbs most certainly does count, that's more than fluid would account for, and a real motivator.

Glad you got to do something nice for yourself Ma.

Cat that rave just sounds better and better.

Busy day at the office today, meetings, pre-semester stuff and other prep, so I won't be around much until later, so have a good day everyone.

Morning babes thanks for the well-wishes

Bladder pain has improved (am trying different drug prescribed by consultant)

Still headachey and stuffed up

But worst thing is HRT has suddenly stopped working! I don't know if sometimes there is a faulty patch - this happened once before - I can't believe my symptoms would suddenly get so bad! Night sweats, having to change pjs, INSOMNIA omg I can't bear the insomnia.

I've slapped on a new patch, and chugged some sage tablets too. Unfortunately had to come in to work as short-staffed but am just going to drink coffee and try to stay awake.

sweets gingerbread and caramel syrup for hot chocolate? Sounds divine!

Hi my lovely friends,

Sorry I've not been around much, I have devoted myself to gutting the house this week and with my lovely parents have painted every room. I may not be able to control my mood with willpower alone but I'm hoping by trying to fix the things that affect me negatively I'm at least being proactive instead of a reactive drunk.

The house has been getting me down for ages, everywhere I turn is chaos and it creates chaos in my head. My dining table is usually littered with clothes but yesterday after 6 hours of gutting our spare sitting room we had a lovely meal at the table and it felt lovely.

I'm starting slimming world on Tuesday as my weight is another heavy negative so surely a clean diet and lots of exvercise can only be a good thing.

I have tried so many times to block out my depression and anxiety, every time I go on a depressed binge my lovely dh and parents keep me safe and hidden away thinking it's the best thing but then we start all over like it never happened and of course the same thing comes around again roughly every 5-8 weeks.

This time I ended up in hospital so it prompted a wonderful mental health team to become involved, it's like my dirty secret is out and it's given me more hope than I've had in a long time.

It's lovely to see we have so many newbies on board and can I say from your first few upset and panicky posts up til now, the change is amazing, your all so strong and brave and I see myself in every one of you.

I've hurt so many people, worried my loved ones sick, walked to the shop for drink like an old tramp, not washed for a week, not eaten for days, just drink, despair, drink, despair rinse and repeat!!!

The only way I can ever be free is to forgive myself (this is very hard for me), let go of the past, try to learn to like myself again and be the wife, daughter, mother and friend I once was.

This bus has saved me so many times and I hope this time is the time I make it to a life AF, but for now it's just one day at a time, for all of us!!!

Big hugs to everyone xxxxx

Baby well done!!!! Your makeover sounds wonderful.

I'm on a train almost in Manchester have had a nice cup of tea despite being offered wine by a lovely party of hens from Essex who are sitting beside me.

My resolve is helped by feeling mildly hungover having drank a beer and three glasses of wine last night ( after three days off that smallish amount actually gave me a mild hangover!) - and somehow in my alcoholic brain I am seeing that as s small victory alongside the victory that is sitting on a train in a family crisis next to people drinking and not actually drinking!

I've decided that long term I need a couple of exercise based activities in the craving which will get me through the witching hours and out if the house where the temptation last night was just too much.
So next Thursday I'm going to commit to a yoga class that runs 8 to 930 which should be perfect timing.

So - didn't make day 4 but hopefully have turned it into some self knowledge some learning and a plan . Hope that doesn't sound either a) smug or b) like an excuse.

Craving = evening but I like how Freudian that autocorrect was! My phone is alive and synced to my brain. Arghhh. It's finally happened!

Hello all. Hope everyone has finished their week well.

Just checking in and updating as my previous post was so bleak.

I didn't have a completely dry week but managed to just have 1 small can of lager a night. The insomnia kicked in which I was expecting but hopefully that will right itself soon enough.

I stopped being silly and started the antibiotics and my dental issue has calmed down.

I saw the doctor today, she was probably the most helpful one I have seen to date. Back on the anti depressants and she is referring me for one to one counselling. The only down side is that she wants me to have bloods done again. I am not sure I want to know.

She has told me to not put too much pressure on myself until I start the counselling and while I give the meds a chance to kick in.

Bit B complex arrived and she agreed I should take them.

I am feeling a lot more positive and a lot less hopeless!

Have a good weekend all :)

Takingbackme - well done you are doing brilliantly and should be proud of yourself for getting through this week and into a better place. First steps are the hardest and we will be with you for the rest. Take care , be proud.

I have made it to Friday!

I had an annoying client this afternoon that somewhat upset me. I have gone for dinner and I sort of thought that a glass of wine would be lovely right now. But I'm sticking to water. I really want to go a full week without any alcohol. That was my goal when I set off for the week, so that's what I'm doing.

Good evening one & all!
Popstar - well done avoiding the hen wine! That didn't read as well as it sounded in my head, but you know what I mean :)

Baby - making over the house sounds awesome - I feel unsettled when the flat is in a state, and I tend to find that my anxiety goes in cycles too.

Well done on your resolve goose - I don't know how I'd survive in unfamiliar surroundings, I'm such a homebody these days.

Well, I was Mrs Serene of Serenesville at work today, can't believe how fast the day went, and I'm trying out an AF wine that isn't too shabby at all. I think part of the thing with me is the ritual. I suspect I'll have one glass then switch on to the fizzy water. Something I could never do with the stuff with alcohol in, that's for sure!

What's everyone up to this evening? I'm about to start browsing ebay for wedding favours and appropriate clothing for the rave in a few weekends time

baby good to see your post, and I just want to say that you are STILL the wife, daughter, mother and friend you once were. Alcohol might dim that while you are on a binge, but it cannot steal it from you completely.

It is interseting about your gutting and painting. I find that the external affects how I feel inside, and that how I feel inside affects my environment - so if I'm surrounded by my own rubbish and mess then I feel messy and jangly inside. And if I feel anxious and upset inside then I let things get into a mess around me. It's like a mirror of my soul. Do you have wonderful green and garden-ey places that you can go to nearby? I have found that in the midst of chaos and confusion a serene garden help immensely. I go to the botanic gardens, I look at trees blowing in the wind, bright (weed free) flower beds, grassy spaces, and I feel better.

popstar I like your self knowledge. I see this all as a great life experiment - we try something and it works or it doesn't. You've seen that sober for 3 days but with nothing to do in the evening isn't quite enough. Great learning.

Hey all. More bloody cystitis. Why is this recurring at the moment? One week into HRT and nothing seems to have changed. Sorry not to name check, some great posts

ma could you have interstitial cystitis? This can be a more chronic type which needs different treatment. Have a google.

I will joey thanks

venus I'm the same way with clutter and disorder around me.

Well done to everyone who is staying sober tonight!