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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Massively overthinking things here but wtf did he mean?

39 replies

MyGastIsFlabbered · 07/09/2015 19:08

I've been dating this guy for about 4 months. I really like him but am not in love with him. However, we were talking the other day and he said that his ex-wife liked me and that she was 'really happy for us'. He then said that she got involved too quickly and he wasn't the same. He then said he was sorry but he wasn't 'skipping down the road.' I assumed he meant he wasn't in love with me and I'm 100% ok with that.

But since then I've been playing it over and over in my mind and now I'm wondering all sorts-was he warning me off falling for him? I know I'm massively overthinking it, is there any way I can broach it without sounding like a needy loser?

OP posts:

LadyB49 · 07/09/2015 19:09

Just ask him what he meant.

fastdaytears · 07/09/2015 19:10

Well I think he talks about his ex-wife too much for a start.

Other than that I've got nothing. What is skipping down the road? Is that a thing?

Original poster

MyGastIsFlabbered · 07/09/2015 19:10

I know, but I feel like too much time has passed since he said it (on Friday)

OP posts:

thehypocritesoaf · 07/09/2015 19:12

Id ask- come on, you're shagging the fella you should be able to talk to him.

I'd say- been thinking over what you said, can you clarify??

DriverSurpriseMe · 07/09/2015 19:13

He said he wasn't "skipping down the road" with happiness? Sounds like he's trying to let you down gently, but in a really, really bizarre way.

The fact he told you that his wife fell in love fast and he didn't feel the same way says a lot - I think he's drawing parallels.

Original poster

MyGastIsFlabbered · 07/09/2015 19:37

Ok so I sent him this message:

I know I'm massively overthinking this (it's what I'm good at after all ????) but why did you make the 'skipping down the road' comment? Are you worried I'm getting too emotionally involved?

And got this one back:

I'm quite crap at saying the right thing. I don't think before I speak. Don't read too much in to it ????

I guess I can relax again.

OP posts:

LadyB49 · 07/09/2015 19:53

But he didn't say what he meant.
(I wouldn't have put in the 'are you worried I'm getting too emotionally involved)

You can really go back and ask for further clarification, just be quicker to ask what he means next time.

Blodss · 07/09/2015 20:05

He hasn't answered your question though has he. Is he still in love with his ex wife I wonder?

coveredinsnot · 07/09/2015 20:07

Can you have a conversation with him rather than texting? You need clarity after all, not further confusion and texts are so open to misinterpretation.

FaceFullOfFilleronthe45 · 07/09/2015 20:11

I have absolutely no idea what he meant either. I think you are going to have to ask him.

GammonAndEgg · 07/09/2015 20:18

I thought it meant exactly what he said!

People (Ew!) are happy that's he's with you because you're lovely BUT he thinks EW got over-involved too quickly and he doesn't want to do that.

His 'sorry but I'm not skipping down the road' just means 'I'm not galloping off into the future at a fast pace'.

Simple! I've got 3 DBs and 2 BILs!

thehypocritesoaf · 07/09/2015 20:20

Um, I don't think texting was a way to get answers.

Still he's saying you've got nothing to worry about so genuinely I wouldn't worry....

sonjadog · 07/09/2015 20:36

He hasn't actually answered your question. So you are still none the wiser. I think you need to talk directly to him.

LovelyFriend · 07/09/2015 20:56

perhaps "he's not skipping down the road to a 2nd marriage (ie with you)".
As in he's not looking to get married.

Original poster

MyGastIsFlabbered · 07/09/2015 20:57

Well I'm not going to go into it tonight as it would be via text and I agree it's not the way to do it, but I won't see him until the weekend and didn't want to leave it until then as I'd have whipped myself into a frenzy by then!

OP posts:

LovelyFriend · 07/09/2015 21:01

why can't you call him?

campervan67 · 07/09/2015 21:02

Assuming everything else in the relationship is ok, I think he meant exactly what GammonandEgg said. I think he's happy with you but he's consciously taking it slowly. No bad thing.

DarkNavyBlue · 07/09/2015 23:06

Why would you whip yourself into a frenzy over this? All he's said is 'I'm not falling in love with you, and just in case you are, please don't get carried away.'

If you're not in love with him I don't see why you would have thought anything other than 'Great, we're on the same page.'

Original poster

MyGastIsFlabbered · 07/09/2015 23:17

Because I can overthink anything

At first my reaction was absolutely fine, it was only later I started to doubt myself.

OP posts:

Blu · 07/09/2015 23:23

What GammonAndEgg said.

DarkNavyBlue · 07/09/2015 23:26

But why would you doubt yourself. What is there to doubt?

CalleighDoodle · 07/09/2015 23:49

Who has told you that you over think things?

Cabrinha · 08/09/2015 07:12

This is the second time in 48 hours I've posted this... But relationships would be a lot better if people would communicate and dump early on when they can't!

Do not apologise for over thinking.
Call, don't text.
Say, OK - you're bad with words, but I still have no idea what you were trying to say - please tell me.

I think it's fine not to be madly in love with someone after 5 minutes. But I so think it's a bit of a warning sign to be telling the other person that you're not!

If any part of you thinks you can't talk to him about this, that you'll scare him off, that he'll be annoyed... Then you're setting your bar too low. You're having sex with this man. The least he can do is care about your feelings!

BathtimeFunkster · 08/09/2015 08:00

I don't think before I speak. Don't read too much in to it.

That would annoy the shit out of me.

What he said originally makes no sense. Wouldn't have bothered me unduly, but might have asked for clarification at the time because people talking in riddles annoys me.

But "don't read too much into it" is something you say about somebody else's comment. Not something you said yourself.

He's basically reserving the right to say things "without thinking" and instructing you not to read "too much" (ie anything) into what he says.

It's not you overthinking that's the problem here, it's him underthinking.

Or, in reality, pretending to underthink, while in reality playing some kind of mind game.

I'd be wary of this one.

Original poster

MyGastIsFlabbered · 08/09/2015 08:15

Thanks for all the replies, I will try to talk to him properly, but I don't think he's playing mind games-we're both quite recently separated and a bit wary.

No-one has told me I overthink things, it's a conclusion I've come to myself over the years, I'm 41 and regularly tie myself in knots over things.

OP posts:

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