End of relationship - relocation with child

[Flumplet]

Hi all. I've been married to my husband for 8 years, together for 13. We have a ds together aged 4. We met at uni and I moved 100+ miles to live with him in his home town. We bought a house together before getting married. We have been thinking of moving for over a year to a bigger house locally, however it is becoming apparent that our relationship is drawing to a close and I am considering using my half of the money from the house to pay off my debts and move back home. I don't have an awful lot keeping me here. No family, no friends, I don't feel loved by my husband, I'm very lonely and don't enjoy my job). Would it be unreasonable of me to start afresh with my son in my home town? Has anyone done this before who can offer advice?

[Stripyhoglets]

I would move in your situation. Doesn't sound like it would be a problem to your H and you would have more support from family. You might stay put and then your H moves away by which time your DS would be in school and harder to move then.

[sonnyson12]

Nonsense 'Stripy'.

[Twinklestein]

I agree Stripy.

Better quality of life plus better schools, plus family who can help with childcare, has a lot to recommend it.

[sonnyson12]

and that trumps a child's relationship with one of it's parents?

[HirplesWithHaggis]

I wouldn't be depending too heavily on family offering childcare, it's easy enough to offer when they're 100 miles away but I've seen many threads where op has found the offers vanishing when she tried to take them up on it.

And if daddy's not much cop at helping out when dc ill now, he's not going to be any more helpful 100 miles down the road.

[SurlyCue]

let me tell you from bitter experience that I cannot think of a faster way to totally destroy any chance of a cordial relationship between the 2 families of the DC. This child is 4 - 15 years of future hell.

Not necessarily. I was dragged through court by my EXp's parents for contact with my son. It was hell. I hated them with every part of my being. I wouldnt have spat on them had they been on fire. Now, a few years later my sons Paternal GM collects my DC once a fortnight for contact and we are able to sit and chat about all sorts and everything. I can talk better with her than i can with my own mother. She remebers my birthday every year and brings me flowers for mothers day. I wouldnt say we are friends but we have a very good EXdil/MiL relationship. Better than i ever could have imagined.

[sonnyson12]

If that was the case then why did they have to 'drag you' through the courts?

[SurlyCue]

If what was the case?

[sonnyson12]

that you were dragged through court?

[definiteissues]

As it states. When everything was dragged through court they hated each other. It is only now, many years later, that they get on

[sonnyson12]

again, that explains fuck all.

[definiteissues]

It explains everything. Unless you are just deliberately trying to be goady

[sonnyson12]

No, it doesn't explain anything. Could you break it down, I doubt you can though.

[SurlyCue]

that you were dragged through court?

Do you mean what was the reason we went through court? Im not understanding your "if that was the case" part. If what was the case?

[definiteissues]

No, I couldn't, since it wasn't me that posted it.
I have access to the same information as you and fail to see why you are claiming it makes no sense

[sonnyson12]

I'm asking why, were you 'dragged' through court. Grandparent's have to apply for leave etc? That's all..

[SurlyCue]

Ok dc then a baby was having weekly contact with grandparents. There was then an incident of violence and threats made against my family from their daughter who lived with them. I stopped contact. Heard nothing from them for 6 months then got a court summons. They had applied to reinstate contact. I refused. It went through court.

[finallyfree2015]

Haven't read past the initial post but I have personal experience of this.

About 5months ago I left my husband of 7 years (together 14) and moved closer to my family, slightly over the distance you are thinking of. Get legal advice first and foremost - my husband was abusive and through the help of a domestic violence charity and their solicitors I knew that I had to move away. My dd still sees my soon to be exh, supervised, and I think their relationship has improved as she no longer sees dad as an angry man who shouts constantly.

It was a difficult decision to move her from where she has grown up but I thought it was better in the long run.

While he initially agreed, when I put the papers in for a child arrangement order he decided to contest them. We are now having to go through quite a traumatic court procedure as, even though he's admitted being violent, I never pressed charges and he's decided he wants my dd to live with him.

Think carefully, get advice and be sure of what you are doing before making a move.