utter fucking twat

[RockerMummy184]

My wonderful husband booked me a relaxing surprise birthday weekend away for the two of us this weekend. DS was going to be taken care of by my mum/gran, and we were having some quality adult time together as it's the last chance we'll get for a LONG time since we have twins due to arrive at the end of the month. How lovely.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, 'D'H decided that going out with a few of his mates to meet up with his old football team was way more important that the weekend away with his wife and cancelled it. Obviously I was really quite upset.

So, tonight, I'm laid in bed on my own. He's already warned me he's going to be in 'no state to do anything on Sunday'. I'm waiting for him to stumble in shitfaced (he always over does it with these particular friends, much to my annoyance!) I can't lock the door as he's not taken a key so I don't feel comfortable going to sleep with the house unsecured. He's ignoring my texts. The pub he was going to shut at 11:30 so he's obviously gone clubbing/to a house party. He's got form for not coming home at all when he's gone out with these people.

I'm royally pissed off!

To make matters worse, tomorrow I'll be left to look after DS(2yo) on my own with crippling SPD, and he'll be laid feeling sorry for himself and being abusive because that's what he does when he's hung over!

What a bastard. And er... "being abusive" is not acceptable whatever state he's in - drunk, hungover, anything. Why do you put up with it?

Sorry but my exh was an arse when it came to drink. Lock him out! He can come back when he's prepared to act like an adult and not an irresponsible selfish twat!!

Because I'm a complete mug and have no self esteem. I tried to leave him, but certain family members put a MASSIVE amount of pressure on me to stay with him, so here I am!

Let me recap.

You have a 2 year old and are crippled with SPD because you are expecting twins.
He booked you both a weekend away as a birthday present.
He's cancelled this to go out with his mates.
He's told you that you will need to look after two year old tomorrow as he will be hungover.
He will be abusive.

Tell me why you stay with such a man?

I'd be tempted to take your child and go to your mum's tomorrow. And stay there.

"Because I'm a complete mug and have no self esteem. I tried to leave him, but certain family members put a MASSIVE amount of pressure on me to stay with him, so here I am!"

Fuck those family members. Do you have a close friend who would be supportive? Please talk to someone! You could also call Women's Aid.

Don't give up. On average it takes women several attempts to leave an abusive partner. But you can do it.

Yuck, LTB obviously. Also, lock the bloody door. In the unlikely event he comes home, that's his problem, not yours, get some sleep. Don't take any abuse tomorrow (or ever), tell him and your 'family members' to shove it.

I know what I ultimately need to do, and I will eventually be strong enough to do it. But at the moment I just feel like I can't.

I dont really have any support other than from the family member who has told me to stay with him, ('you've made your bed now lie in it!', 'marriage vows are supposed to mean something' type comments. Ironic since this person is divorced and re-married!) which makes it even harder.

I think I'm going to take the lock him out advice and try to get some sleep. DS will be awake in about 5 hours so I could do with a rest.

Thank you for listening to me vent!

RockerMummy, you have my complete sympathy, I have a DD and DTS's and my H behaved like that all the time, completely uncontactable and regularly didn't take a key.

What an awful way to treat you on your birthday - can your Mum still help you out with DS tomorrow and you three ignore DH and go out and have a good day.

I'd send him a text now to say you're locking up, so you can at least get some sleep (I know, easier said than done, especially when you're near the end of a twin pregnancy).
When he's sobered up, have some serious words with him about this selfish behaviour. My H ended up getting worse and we ended up separating, so try to make him see sense now if you can.
Still, even having been through it myself, can't believe he'd stress you out this much and be uncontactable this close to DT's birth - I agree he's being a twat.

When you can, call women's aid. They can offer support to leave.

You sound resigned and you shouldn't be.

Is this an isolated incident of cuntish behaviour or does he have previous form?

Has your Birthday weekend been rescheduled? Obviously, it would need to be very soon but is that on the cards? Or is your Birthday treat basically waiting for him to come home so that you can lock up, hope to get an hour or two's sleep & then look after a 2 year old alone for the day whilst he behaves like a twat because he's hungover?

I second fuck the family members! Arses! Would THEY put up with this shit!?! DEFINITELY contact women's aid and get this excuse of a man out of your life!

Sleep well. Tomorrow is a new day with new perspective and decisions.

He sounds absolutely horrible. Life would be easier without him. Sleep well, and focus on your health and the birth of your twins. But start thinking about the future and how to start again.

Let me guess, the 'suck it up' person is your mother? Fuck that noise. Make plans to leave.

And yes, lock him out. I'd put a note on the door that said 'don't bother to knock, go sleep in the bushes/the garage/the gutter'.

I'm so sorry for you being with a selfish manchild is the worst, especially with young kids. When your babies have been safely born you can start planning to get free of him.

I locked him out! I was so pleased with myself. It was step 1 in me holding my own. I thought if I could keep him out long enough I could pack up his stuff/mine and DSs stuff. But he somehow managed to sneak back in (at about 6.30)! I don't know how!! I'm absolutely gutted.

You can do it when he's at work tomorrow.

Or pack up your and DS's stuff and go elsewhere now.

(But not to the person who told you to stay in this shit marriage.)

Yes yes, pack whilst he's asleep. Make sure you don't wake him, and go to your DM's if you possibly can.
What a grade A cunt!

Please don't listen to people telling you to stay with this idiot. You will wake up one day in the future and wish you'd left long ago. Do not waste you life!

As others have said, pack your stuff and phone woman's aid while he's asleep.

Do you think if you actually move out your relative might be more supportive?

He is totally self centred, it sounds awful. I'm sorry he's messed you around - agree that one way or another you need to separate. Not sure why it has to be you though. Do you think he would consider going elsewhere?

That is absolutely appalling behaviour on the part of your DH. The fact that you are pregnant with his twins, it's your birthday, and you have SPD makes it super-super appalling.

If mine did that his stuff would be in bin bags on the doorstep when he came home. My XP basically did something similar to me on a big birthday and it really was an indicator he did not actually care about me very much at all. A final straw. He was routinely pretty abusive, I left, and I have never looked back.

As for marriage being for life, he has broken his wedding vows. He is not cherishing you.

Arse.

He sounds horrible. Fancy booking a birthday surprise then cancelling it to go out for drinks with his friends...is he a teenager?! Also getting drunk so close to the end of the pregnancy is incredibly selfish. Nothing should surprise me after reading posts on this board but it can still leave me wide eyed.

It sounds like you realise he is a loser too now. He should leave though, if that's what you want, not you and your son. You are about to give birth to twins. You need to feel safe and secure.

Good luck and...happy birthday.

The thing with marriage vows is that they are supposed to be reciprocal! If you're holding up your end of the bargain and he's being a shit, it's not you that needs lecturing on 'marriage vows meaning something' is it?

He's a self centred arsehole. He should be making your life easier while you're carrying twins, looking after another child and struggling with spd.

I don't think it's you who needs to pack up and go though - give him his marching orders and stay put.