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Original poster

Leaving 12yr old son in hospital alone

71 replies

mulberrybag · 05/09/2015 18:36

This will out me but I think i need a bit of perspective.
My son has injured his leg, possible hairline fracture we've been at hospital since yesterday p.m and have to stay until Monday. DP came to visit this afternoon (Ds stepdad from 2yrs of age) asked what my plan was and how much longer I'd be staying. I hadn't thought about leaving until Monday (our Dd is 8 and although missing me totally fine with DP) but he told me it was odd that I was contemplating staying another two nights as Ds isn't Ill just waiting for scan on mon & obs until then. Mentioned he found it "weird" a few times and left a little while ago.
I feel really upset that he thinks I'm being weird and feel like I am just being a mum and wouldn't dream of leaving Ds. Please could I have some opinions ?

OP posts:

feckitall · 05/09/2015 21:41

I would take the lead from your son OP but realistically I would expect a lad of that age to be left at least overnight.

At 13 I was left in a London hospital for week for tests, 100 miles from home...My mother couldn't have afforded the time off work to stay with me even if it had been an option. not sure if it would have been I considered it quite an adventure. and got to see a hunky doctor each day

TheFairyCaravan · 05/09/2015 21:51

DS2 had an op on his knee when he was12/13. He has to stay in overnight and DH left him. I had had spinal surgery the week before, we knew DS2 was being looked after. He needed a wheelchair to get to the loo etc but the nurses helped, that's what they're there for.

My children have been in hospital loads during their lives'. Sometimes one of us have stayed, sometimes not.

springydaffs · 05/09/2015 21:56

No way would I leave my ds at 12 in a lot of pain in a ward on his own!

Ime (ds had heart surgery at various ages, last one when he was 14, so a no-brainer on the staying front) I slept like a log (I would've slept on a plank), even through all the ward clattering and racket in the mornings. Dog tired! Lovely showers so I was fresh and awake iyswim. It's a bit like camping.

Perhaps dh is thinking back in the day when parents didn't stay. As pp are saying, it's the norm now. Not at all weird!

VodkaJelly · 05/09/2015 22:01

My son was 13 he was in for appendicitis, he went in early evening and was operated on around 2am. I stayed over night whilst he was being operated on but didn't stay for the other 2 nights. I left at 10pm and was back 8am.

There is no way I could have slept over night, it was so noisy, the young lad in the next bed was in due to asthma and was on a pump (or something, can't remember) and it was noisy. DS didn't mind me leaving him at night.

If he was younger I probably would have stayed.

Sirzy · 05/09/2015 22:02

DS is only 5 so when he is in I stay in. With older children tbough it seems to be pretty evenly split between the stay overnights and the don't stays. Most parents of older children who stay seem to go home for a few hours during the day to see other children or rest or whatever.

Toughasoldboots · 05/09/2015 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aqualady · 05/09/2015 22:07

I would stay too. He might think its weird, you don't and neither do I.

PermetsTu · 05/09/2015 22:13

I agree that it's usually around a 50/50 split. I stayed with DS when he was a baby and there were probably slightly more staying than not but only just. I was in hospital 25yrs ago (I was 9) and my Mum stayed. It was around 50/50 back then too.

MatildaTheCat · 05/09/2015 22:17

I had multiple orthopaedic operations at this age and it was never even discussed whether my parents could stay. They visited daily and stayed for a couple of hours and that was fine. Unless there is a reason a child cannot cope or is seriously ill I wouldn't stay at this age.

Hope he is home soon.

AnitaManeater · 05/09/2015 22:17

I stayed in with DS who was 15. He was in with stomach pains, possibly appendicitis. He was in for observation and if he deteriorated overnight they were going to operate. He was admitted quite late in the day and it was easier to stay and I was given a room of my own which was lovely and much appreciated. I didn't even think it might have been a weird thing to do.

electricflyzapper · 05/09/2015 22:21

DS1 has had 3 overnight stays in hospital (minimum of one night, 2 nights in one case) whilst having operations.

The first time, when he was 4, dh stayed overnight the first night, but not on the ward. He was in a Ronald McDonald house.

The other times, when he was again 4, and then 8, no-one stayed with him overnight.

This must seem very harsh to you, but both dh and I felt he was safe and well cared for in hospital and our presence as he slept was not necessary. I hasten to add that dh and I made sure one of us at least was with him during the day. We did have 2 and then 3 other children to care for at home though.

I have to admit, it would not cross my mind to stay overnight with a 12 year old unless they were critically ill.

herderofcats · 05/09/2015 22:23

I left my 16 yo in hospital. No parents stayed on the ward. Didn't even know it was a thing now.

balletgirlmum · 05/09/2015 22:24

I wouldn't stay. I have another child at home & unless one of the children were seriously I'll we couldn't justify me & dh being off work or the other child not being able to get to school etc. (Dh works out of the area & can't get holiday in term time, only emergency dependents leave.

steppemum · 05/09/2015 22:35

I would leave him overnight as long as he was happy to be left.

if he was in distress or pain and wanted me there, fine, I would stay, but with what you describe I would leave overnight and return in the morning.

I have been in with dd2 a lot when she was tiny and the older children (from 7 ish up wards) didn't have parents sleeping over usually, unless child was distressed.

colley · 05/09/2015 22:36

Do whatever you think is right. I know when I have been in massive discomfort or pain I actually prefer being alone, can't stand others fussing if I am already on the maximum number of painkillers I can take.
I am surprised he is being kept in hospital as well.
But what is best depends on your child, his reaction, and what the ward is like. so go with your gut feeling.

Sheezus · 05/09/2015 22:46

I'd stay.
I've been that 12 year old and was left alone.
I was getting pain killers and waking in cold sweats not knowing where I was.
It's horrible.
I can still remember another lady looking after me while I felt abandoned

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 05/09/2015 22:54

My brother woke up one morning and just couldn't move his leg. Turned out he had some virus or infection that had made him lose all his feeling and strength. He must of been about 7 or 8 I reckon and was in for weeks and weeks but my mum never stayed and I only remember being taken to see him once. She isn't very particularly motherly or caring though tbf.

At that age, I'd follow his lead. Some may want their mum to stay. Others not. Considering he's hurt his leg though and maybe isn't very mobile I'd imagine he'd want you there and that most certainly isn't weird.

Andro · 05/09/2015 23:38

I agree with following his lead, hospitals can be scary places.

Being in ICU, fighting for my life and not having a parent there (father couldn't be there because he was abroad when I was admitted, mother chose not to be there) was soul destroying.

BackforGood · 05/09/2015 23:54

I would expect to be going home each night, but, ultimately be led by the ds.

colley · 06/09/2015 04:10

To the poster who said she would want someone to stay with her overnight in hospital - except on maternity units, or if you are very close to death, this is rarely an option for an adult.

headexplodesbodyfreezes · 06/09/2015 04:26

I've worked in paeds. At 12 it really depends entirely on DS.

For the little ones parents are expected to stay, unless it is a long-term admission. But at 12, as long as he can cope, it up to you and him. Many 12-yr-olds are fine overnight without a parent. They are not alone as such, the nurses will spend time with him and keep a close eye. It isn't like an adult ward where he will be left completely to his own devices unless he presses the buzzer. He will be looked after.

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