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Original poster

Leaving 12yr old son in hospital alone

71 replies

mulberrybag · 05/09/2015 18:36

This will out me but I think i need a bit of perspective.
My son has injured his leg, possible hairline fracture we've been at hospital since yesterday p.m and have to stay until Monday. DP came to visit this afternoon (Ds stepdad from 2yrs of age) asked what my plan was and how much longer I'd be staying. I hadn't thought about leaving until Monday (our Dd is 8 and although missing me totally fine with DP) but he told me it was odd that I was contemplating staying another two nights as Ds isn't Ill just waiting for scan on mon & obs until then. Mentioned he found it "weird" a few times and left a little while ago.
I feel really upset that he thinks I'm being weird and feel like I am just being a mum and wouldn't dream of leaving Ds. Please could I have some opinions ?

OP posts:

Original poster

mulberrybag · 05/09/2015 19:06

Sealsong - Dp's reaction is similar. He was left at 4yrs after tonsillectomy alone for three nights so thinks me staying is really overboard. I just, like posters have pointed out, have the option of being here and hadn't considered leaving. Hospital totally happy either way. I'm really grateful for all of your responses, thank you

OP posts:

tipple · 05/09/2015 19:07

I would probably go home but only if my son agreed. Different if they were unwell but if a broken leg I would be happy to leave.

BelfastSmile · 05/09/2015 19:14

I was in hospital for about a week aged 6 (had tonsils out). Parents were only allowed at visiting times, and I still remember being terrified. I was the same when I was in for a week aged 10. However, it did help that I knew my parents weren't allowed to be there - I think I'd have felt betrayed if I thought they had chosen not to stay. But I still remember being scared by the unfamiliar sounds and smells in hospital. I think if your DS wants you to stay, then you absolutely should; if he's ok with you going home, then do that - get a good night's rest, and a proper feed & wash.

At 12, he's also old enough for you to nip home for the afternoon to see your DD, have a shower etc. (Maybe DP could stay if DS really wants him to?)

independentfriend · 05/09/2015 19:26

I think you need to look after yourself as best you can, in order to make it easier for you to do all the other things you need to do. Your son is probably going to need a lot of input from you when he comes home - much more than now, where there are hospital staff around and the ward is designed for ill/injured people. So you getting a reasonable amount of sleep and time to eat/change clothes/wash/attend to other urgent tasks (including spending time with your other child) that will be harder to do when he's back at home is IMO a really good use of your time.

And yes, at 12, unless there's something else going on, your son is unlikely to be horribly distressed at you going home to sleep or leaving the ward for parts of the day.

Joysmum · 05/09/2015 19:30

He's 12, old enough to tell you his thoughts on things.

At 5 I was in hospital for a week and my parents visited but didn't stay. I was in a children's ward and was happy.

When my DD broke her wrist and was admitted straight from A&E, I stayed the first night and she wanted to swap for the second. We didn't leave her as she was waiting a decision then waiting for surgery.

When I was in as a child it was for tonsils, no uncertainties and I wasn't in an adult ward.

rosy71 · 05/09/2015 19:32

My ds (7) recently spent several weeks in hospital with a broken leg. Either dp or I stayed with him every night but there were times in the day when we had to leave him alone - we had to continue working! He had grandparents with him in the day but there was a gap between us leaving & them arriving. The older children on the ward had parents with them most of the time but not necessarily at night.

I would have thought you could leave him overnight at 12 if he's happy with that. He'd probably need someone with him during the day - it's very boring in hospital at weekends - nothing much happening!

DotaDay · 05/09/2015 19:34

I'd probably have left mine overnight but it would really depend on what was wrong with them and what they thought about it. It's not weird to stay though.

Can he get to the bathroom on his own?

AuntieStella · 05/09/2015 19:34

If there are facilities for parents to stay, I wouldn't leave my DC. Unless his father was with him overnight (sharing which DC gets which parent), or daytime when some other visitor was there (for company, whilst I had a quick walk/change of scenery).

Coolforthesummer · 05/09/2015 19:35

I would definitely stay. When my ds broke his leg he was in agony, screamed all night and didn't sleep a wink. Ok, younger than your ds but still so distressed I know he would want me there.

NettleTea · 05/09/2015 19:36

just to add that when my daughter was staying in London, we did find other friends to go and visit her and take her out the nights I couldnt be there - I didnt totally abandon her for 2 weeks!
The nurses say that they are there to look after and help them, and we need to get on with life for the rest of the family, and to keep our strength up too. Once she is asleep she doesnt know if I am there or not

goddessofsmallthings · 05/09/2015 19:37

Is your ds's leg in traction?

If not, I'm surprised he's being kept in for 3 nights waiting for a scan of a possible hairline fracture when his leg could be immobilised with a light plaster or strapping and he could be given a pair of crutches with instructions to stay off his injured leg as much as possible till Monday and, more especially, as you're just as capable of observing him at home as the nurses are on the ward.

Unless your ds is in pain or particularly wants you to stay overnght, I would suggest you go home when the night staff come on duty, or shortly before, and return after breakfast tomorrow morning.

Is there any reason why dd can't visit her db in hospital tomorrow afternoon or you can take ds out in a wheelchair?

Toughasoldboots · 05/09/2015 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chippednailvarnish · 05/09/2015 19:42

My DS (7) was in last year and the doctor actually said "don't worry your Mum will be staying in your room with you" when they told DS that he was being kept in. They didn't ask me, it was just expected!

However for a 12 year old I would let them decide.

Toffeelatteplease · 05/09/2015 20:16

I think at 12 year after two nights of staying in you need to look at the wider picture

At 8 as much as your daughter is clearly ok two nights is when they start getting fidgety. Yes your son needs you a lot more right now but being there to tuck you daughter in at night is still important too.

After a couple of nights coming home at least for bedtime and breakfast is a way of giving a little normality to you other child in what is also a confusing and challenging situation for her.

If you son is happy for you to go. Go home get a good nights sleep and see to your DD also.

Artandco · 05/09/2015 20:24

Personally I would stay. I'm an adult and would hate staying alone in a hospital. When both children were born dh stayed from the moment we arrived until we left

Original poster

mulberrybag · 05/09/2015 20:28

Thanks all. He seems happy either way and it probably would have been an non issue if Dp hadn't bought it up and made a deal out of it because I assumed it was the norm for parents to stay and didn't actually realise you could leave them, but I've not been in this situation before. He's in massive discomfort and can't weight bear, suspect #area is top of femur to answer someone's question - sorry can't look back to who & can't get to the toilet without a wheelchair. Thanks a million for all the great advice I think I'll stay this eve and head home sun eve for dd

OP posts:

Savagebeauty · 05/09/2015 20:33

DS broke leg at 13 and was in 2 nights for operation. I stayed till 10pm but went home to sleep..returned at 7
No way could I have slept in the ward..only 4 beds but noisy.
I came back refreshed .

lasermum · 05/09/2015 21:06

DH and I took turns to stay in hospital with DS1 aged 14 when he was in hospital for 4 days. From memory I think all the DC on the ward had a parent/adult staying with them overnight.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 05/09/2015 21:17

I'm a nurse, lots of parents stay with their teenagers. It's not weird at all. Do whatever feels right. If he wants you to stay then do.

Penfold007 · 05/09/2015 21:20

What does DS want you to do and where is his DF in all of this? I'm struggling think DP doesn't to want to opt out of parenting. Crisis happen.

Floralnomad · 05/09/2015 21:23

I think as he needs a fair bit of help I'd stay unless DS definitely didn't want me to .

Mistigri · 05/09/2015 21:26

What does your DS think?

My DS is 12 and I don't think I would stay overnight in this situation, unless he was very distressed. He was in hospital for a week with a seriously broken leg three years and I did stay (we were a long way from home so not much choice) but despite being in a private room it was exhausting. I think it would be much better to sleep at home if you possibly can.

Mistigri · 05/09/2015 21:29

Sorry, just seen that he's very uncomfortable and needs help to get to loo etc - in that case I might consider staying depending on what he wanted. I think his wants/ needs should be your priority, though you may be more use to him in the day if you're properly rested.

Sansoora · 05/09/2015 21:32

At 12 I think he's old enough to be left in the care of the nurses while you go home.

TheWoollybacksWife · 05/09/2015 21:37

DD2 had 3 nights in hospital earlier this year and I stayed with her. The children's ward in my local hospital has individual rooms and parents are encouraged to stay if possible. The beds were pull down ones that were in a cupboard - I felt like Harry Potter Although DD is 16 she was scared (investigations for a possible brain tumour) and wanted me to stay.

I'd take each day as it comes if I were you OP. I hope your DS is sorted out and back home soon.

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