Who is BU, me is DH?? Conversation today

[Googlers123]

The background is this, 5 year old dd starts swimming lessons this morning, I was staying at home to look after other Dd. the pool originally gave me 12 noon start, then changed it to 11.30 but this was a verbal arrangement, nothing in writing. I've tried to call the pool several times to check the time is 11.30 but can't get through, their phone system is not taking calls.
Conversation went like this.
Me, if there's any problem with the times, just say that Pete confirmed the earlier start to me, he is the one who arranges all the times of lessons.
DH, I'm not waiting for half an hour cos you can't get the timings right.
Me, are you really saying you won't hang about for half an hour so dd can have lesson, you're going to come home?
DH, yes.
Me, you need to stay for the lesson
DH, don't tell me what to do.

his aggressive and angry behaviour

He reacts angrily

Ready to shout

he is an angry person who treats me like his enemy sometimes and blows up at me for no reason

Angry with me

angry all the time

^^these are all big red flags I'm afraid.

Did you realise how many times you have used the word angry to describe your DP in so few posts?

You are describing an abusive situation that your DCs shouldn't be exposed to.

His behaviour isn't acceptable. You both need to acknowledge this. You seem to be in denial that this is any more than a personality issue. He seems to have no sense of responsibility to behave in a decent way around his wife and kids.

I think you should have a chat to an experienced professional about your relationship, maybe via women's aid?

How frustrating! But I would let this one go as it's not about this particular argument. The long term issue is getting him to understand the cumculative effect of his response to his stress triggers on you and your family life. It's not an easy conversation...

When I explained to my DH that I was constantly on eggshells waiting for the next blow up, not knowing if something would ruin the mood of the day - that hit it home to him. He honestly thought each incident stood on its own and was forgotten about afterwards. He was also able to relate it to a parent who was similar so could empathise with how I was feeling. Is there anyone in his family who behaves similarly to DH?

Yes i think perhaps both of his parents are a bit shouty or have been in the past, not sure how much though. In that way I think he sees it as normal and I can understand that as my home life as a child was always peaceful so I see that as normal. I have explained to him loads of times that there is a cumulative effect and it is very damaging for our relationship but I just don't think he sees it.
Lightbulb, I do see what you mean. It's so hard though, he is a very kind and gentle man most of the time and is very thoughtful, it's just these blow ups that come from nowhere that get to me.