I'm so deeply unhappy.

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Posting here, don't know where else to post.

31 weeks pregnant, living with partner who makes £30,000 a year.

I have a job that makes £15,000 a year, but due to pregnancy related illness I'm signed off, only on Statutory Sick Pay now, and unable to return before maternity leave. I will not get maternity pay, maternity statutory pay, or maternity allowance because I wasn't earning in my test period. Zilch.

I want to leave him. We have separate finances, I live in HIS house so pay no rent/bills but only have SSP to live on, a grand total of £280?ish a month. I have £30 to last me the next 25 days.

I'm not entitled to ANY benefits whilst living here because they take him into consideration and the fact he earns 30,000+ yet (although I can't work because I'm pregnant with OUR baby we've still split everything 50/50 and I have £300 to live on per month, another issue thoughtless man) and I don't have any money to private rent or move out. I have no family to stay with. I literally don't know what to do.

Has anyone any advice? I don't think that I would keep going if it wasn't for this baby. I love her, she's my whole world, she has the perfect nursery here, everything she could ever want for, but I can imagine myself being chucked out and need a stable home.

This is only a guess at what I know from own experience, but because your DP is a lot older than you asd, does he use his age to 'pull rank' on you and get to to comply IYSWIM?

A kind of 'I know better than you so you must defer', a more child/parent relationship where you get punished/sanctioned if you don't do as you're told?

What happens if you don't go along with him?

I'm not allowed out on my own and he always checks when I'm on my phone so it's difficult

Love, this is an abusive relationship! You can tell your parents you were in a controlling relationship and had to flee.

Ime of the same thing (no respector of persons btw, it can happen to anyone, you and me included), my ex H/abuser was charm itself. Would they want you a prisoner in your own home? Him constantly checking up on you?

Yes, definitely call Women's Aid as you are escaping an abusive, controlling relationship. They are the experts in this. 0808 2000 247.

Hopefully at some stage you can do the Freedom Programme, which will open your eyes. Wonderful course, hugely supportive. Google it and click 'find a course'to find a course near you. Can't recommend it highly enough.

Don't be ashamed. It has happened to so many of us, all bright, intelligent women xxx

Definitely going to get out, ASAP.

Just had toast thrown at me because I asked him to use a plate to catch the crumbs because I've been up since early hoovering and washing up.

I don't know how I ever got myself into this situation, I feel so empty and hurt.

Going to contact my parents so hopefully they'll take me and my fur baby too. I can't leave him behind but feel mean moving a cat aswell but will never leave him here.

Just keeping going for this beautiful baby.

Good for you! He's an abussive, not to mention manky, arsehole.

I'd be devastated if my daughter didn't tell me what was going on.
I'd be devastated that she hadn't let me swoop in and rescue her.
It's not about standing on your own two feet. Of course you can. But why, when people that love you want to hold you up?
With the A* results and uni place I expect you're not used to "failing" in their eyes.
It's success, to realise that you're with a nasty and controlling man, and leave.
I would be so proud of my little girl.
Please call your mum - give her the chance to do what I would long to do.

Throwing toast at you... This is so similar to the abusive man I was with when I was your age.

Please do ring your parents, and don't worry for even one second about people judging you for being a single mum at 22. Far better a single mum than trapped with this abusive arsehole.

And presumably once baby is old enough you'd be able to go back to work in your home area and have higher earning potential? You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Please let the people who love you, take care of you.

You are doing the right thing. Call the first minute you can. Be sure your parents understand that he is abusive.

Remember that he will have to pay support for the baby once the baby is here. If you are able, before you move, try to find some proof of his earnings, pay stub, tax papers, etc.

Well, he has proved the point about him being an abusive arse. It was toast this time. Next time what might he throw, and what damage could he do to you if his missile hit you (or your baby).

If I had told DH to use a plate instead of dropping crumbs he would have possibly tutted at me a bit, but nothing more and would have done it.

I think you need to move sooner rather than later. You need to be out well before the baby arrives. A person who can lose it and throw things with such little provocation as that should not be trusted around a small, defenceless, crying baby. What if he lost it with the baby, shook the baby, threw the baby, threw something at the baby?

Go to your parents. I would want to know if my one of my daughters was in any such situation, so that I could try to help.

I hope you have had an opportunity to contact Women's Aid.

As for the mortgage etc., all can be sorted out once you are safe.

In fact, as you haven't updated since this morning, could it be that you are at your parents' house now?

Hope so.

Topsy Hope so!

Rooting for you O P