Another birthday on Friday, and I feel I've missed the boat for marriage and family - anyone have any tips to find a man later in life?

[Lostgalyyy]

It's my birthday on Friday and I will turn 29.

I have only had 2 serious relationships and only ever lived with one. I broke up with my ex in February because he didn't want to move forwards with us at all (also some mil issues - mummy's boy).

I'm happier about myself and who I am since ending it, but now I'm like shit, I'm 29 and single. I've been on many dates but haven't had that ok just yet.

I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me and I am beginning to feel empty without that special person in my life. I am very busy and don't feel lonely, but I can't deny that something is missing - and it's that amazing feeling of being in love.

I'm so scared I won't find that again. Life is busier now and the last of my closest friends got married on Sunday. In fact, most got married by age 26. It makes me think something is wrong with me - why didn't my relationships work?!

First time I've felt the fear... I feel like I'm missing the boat. Hate birthdays, I doubt I would worry if I wasn't another year older!

* been on many dates but haven't had the spark!! (No idea where 'ok' came from)

I felt the same as you at 29 but manyseveral years later, I'm co-habiting with a wonderful man and we have an equally wonderful DD.

29 isn't old.

29??? I'm 48 on Friday and in the same boat. You have years ahead. I loved been 29.

29 - haha, bless.

You have so much time ahead. Are you especially fussy about who you go out with?

I don't mean to be rude, but when you said "later in life" thought you were about 60! Ages yet! Please don't rush it and end up with some twit. My lovely friend of 41 has just got married to a wonderful man and they have a gorgeous baby. X

If you want tips on finding someone in later life come back when your 40 or 50!

That said I probably felt similar at 29 and have no heartwarming story to reassure you.

Really having 2 serious relationships including 1 cohabiting one isn't really unusual at 29. You've only been single 6 months. Most likely you just haven't met the right one yet and you will at any point between tomorrow and the next few years.

Maybe you should have a chat to a counsellor about how you feel seeing as you seem quite down about it. Maybe there is something simple/obvious that you are doing that is holding you back. eg you could have an idea in your head about what you want in a partner, or a type that isn't really good for you. Or you might self-sabotage or just lack confidence or or or.

Thanks for the posts. I can't sleep I'm so worried about it... It's just got to me tonight.

No not that picky. I will go on dates but I suppose after I've met them a couple of times then I make a judgement and don't bother again if there's no spark..

You will probably meet someone totally randomly! I would kill to swap for a week!

Don't do that thing. You know what I mean, that '30' thing. Where it is built up to be a watershed in your life and you just have to be in the perfect relationship, preferably engaged. Because, you know, 30.

I did. It was a terrible relationship and messed me up for a long time. I met my now husband 8 years later.

I've got absolutely no practical advice about meeting men and having successful dates. I was rubbish at it.

Just: do a bit of work on why you are single now and what you really want. No recriminations, just think about it. Are you ready for a serious relationship (I wasn't)? What would you really like to have in your life? What are you afraid of? What are the key values you would want any partner to share?

Then: take risks. I don't meqngetting into taxis with strange men but more emotional ones. Get out there, outside your comfort zone (round the world yachting, pottery classes, singles holidays, Yoga camps in the Auverge, or whatever it may be). Risk being hurt, let down, left. Don't treat every man you go out with as possibly the one, initially just have fun.

Most of all, don't panic and keep your standards and your boundaries up.

I got married at 25, then divorced. 29 is a baby, I tells you. I met DH and got married again in my 30s. I though 'later in life' meant 40s at the very least.

Thank you for talking to me so late tonight! I don't feel so alone.

mrsterry when you married did you have any doubts whatsoever or were you sure at the time? If you don't mind me asking. I sort of felt too young to marry at 25 but all my friends who did seemed so so certain and proud of it!

Absolutely what MyFavouriteClinton said.

I did burst out laughing when I read your age but then I remembered how I felt at 26 (when I married completely the wrong man) and at 31 (when I left him). At 33 I was making plans to extend my house so that my father could live with me, as obviously there was no chance of me ever having a relationship.

DH bought this book when he was about 37 or so How Not To Stay Single and met me two years later having proposed marriage to a number of rather startled women So a focused attitude can certainly work. But again I'd recommend reading My Favourite's post again. Knowing what you want in a relationship - what you REALLY want and not what others or even you yourself thinks you ought to want - is absolutely vital. I even wrote a list, and it comprised:

1. someone who is willing to have a child and who doesn't run a mile when I talk about it on the second date
2. someone who is kind to me and other people
3. someone who genuinely enjoys spending time with his parents
4. someone who likes more than one kind of music, including classical
5. someone who is not dismissive about religion, though preferably not a very religious person
6. someone who doesn't regard it as an insult if you read in his presence, and who in fact likes reading himself.
7. someone who [redacted as it's a sexual thing that I'm not going to publish on MN!]

DH fills all of those criteria. I would never have picked him on paper or in fact online but I was right, those things matter far more than other stuff which on the surface makes us less compatible.

I had doubts but I did a very good job of pretending otherwise. My friends were less able to contain their feelings Should have listened to them. I was massively too young. And too needy and too insecure.

Stop looking, get on with your own life, be true to yourself, dedicate yourself to something worthwhile and the right person appears.

I understand how you feel about turning 29. I actually cried when I turned 29. By the time of my 30th birthday I was, 'oh, ok' about it.

The fact that I got married the day before my 26th Birthday was neither here nor there. My husband was 31.

I was in no rush whatsoever to get married and I wanted to be married to someone who took the same view. As marriage is for life, why the tearing hurry to get married ?

OK, you're 29 but there's plenty of time. As a pp has said, you could get out of your comfort zone, if you want to.

Sometimes, when a relationship has ended, you can feel more than ready for change. Just a change of scenery.

I met my husband when I helped a pen friend from California move from a hostel in London to a house share. He was living at the house, we met, hit it off and got married 2 years later.

You meet your partner for life when you're not really looking. So get out there and start not really looking as hard as you can !

I was in your shoes a few years ago, you even share my birthday! I was newly single after 3 years and suddenly felt like I was all alone staring down the barrel of the dreaded 30. Also the sister who was 'never having children' had just given birth and I shed many a tear over the though of being the spinster aunt! After a few weeks, I came to realise that in part I was sad because I gave such a big part of my supposedly carefree 20's to focusing on a relationship that was all wrong while my dreams fell by the wayside so I devoted some time and energy to enjoying myself and taking the next step in my career. My aim was to find a happy and full life alone before dating again so any potential partner would be a bonus rather than me seeking to fill a hole - not saying that you are doing this but you wouldn't be the first to fall into that trap if you hope to settle/start a family and feel the years are getting away from you. I look back on my 30th year as one of my happiest so far. I did happen to meet DH at the end of it but part of me though 'Bugger, couldn't you have come along in another year!' . Have a wonderful birthday and enjoy a new chapter in your life, whatever that may bring.

29 is ideal time to look for serious relationship, generally you've matured and if career is at a stable point then concentrate on find mr right. I did this I stayed in a job I could do with eyes closed and put all energies into online dating (started when 31, met my man 32), good luck I hope you find true love xx

I met my now dh when I was 29. At 35 we are having our 3rd child.

It will happen
and watch some of your early marriage friends get divorced in the meantime

I used to feel very much like you OP. I spent many hours worrying that I would never meet someone.

I met my husband through work when I was 29, about a month after my birthday. We got married last Summer, after 2.5 years together. You won't be marrying your childhood sweetheart that you've been with for 10 years (I used to be very jealous of those couples), but you will meet someone and be happy! My best advice is to be yourself, enjoy yourself and don't 'settle' for someone who isn't right because you want a relationship.

We are trying for a baby at the mo ... now I am worrying myself to death that I'm never going to get pregnant ... I am a terrible worrier!

Well, DW had 8 months to go when she met me...and I had never had a relationship longer than a fortnight. We had little in common bar freckles.

26 years next month.

The 30 trap needs dodging:) if you feel past it and on the shelf, have you lived and worked in the same place for a long time? Same friends etc?

Whatever happens you're going to get older, and want a nice life ( money, own house, great job) and whether you meet someone or not, waiting for Mr right to come along won't change that. So work on changing jobs, getting a secondment abroad, getting promoted, get a 2 seater sports car next summer:) you might not meet anyone wonderful for a while but at least you'll enjoy your days at work, earn money and not be waiting around for Prince Charming:) beware of any chancers - they'll like someone like you.

Oh, do have lots of sex too. You don't want to look back at 50 and think 'Damn, I should have shagged more!" (lots of people do).

Much better to be 29 and halfway up the Figured It All Out Staircase, than still at the bottom and not even realise it yet.

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