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Original poster

What would you say constitutes a crush?

28 replies

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 01/09/2015 02:12

I was having a lively discussion today with a friend about what constitutes a crush. Admittedly I was probably slightly defensive because I was arguing that I don't have a crush on somebody, and she thinks I do.

So, if you had to define a crush, what would you say are the key features/feelings?

(I will come back and tell you what we were arguing about later - but I don't want to bias your answers!)

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 01/09/2015 06:14

Being up at 2 am stressing over it probably does indeed point to it being a crush.

Aramynta · 01/09/2015 09:33

Thinking about the person quite a lot. being different around them, maybe shy or using different body language. Trying to overly downplay it when people say you have a crush on them Wink

GnTformeplease · 01/09/2015 10:01

A crush to me would be thinking about them a lot. Not necessarily those kind of thoughts, but they just take up a lot of your mind space and when you're with them, you feel a bit.....excited? Giddy?

Original poster
PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 01/09/2015 14:12

Bother. This really isn't helping my side of the argument Grin

I was saying you have to have sexual attraction for it to be a crush.

OP posts:
brainwashed · 01/09/2015 17:01

Ahh tell us about your crush then Wink

pocketsaviour · 01/09/2015 18:24

If there has to be sexual attraction then that means man-crushes and girl-crushes aren't a thing, which they definitely are.

(A few months ago I had to reassure DS that he wasn't gay - he just had a man-crush on Jason Statham. The acid test was when I said "Do you feel like you would want to have sex with him?" and he replied "Ew, no, I just want to live with him and we could drive around and have adventures Grin )

Justmuddlingalong · 01/09/2015 18:47

Rifling about in my distant memory, I would say that a crush includes:
*Spending lots of time thinking about the person
*Talking about the person
*Listening for snippets of info about the person
*Going places that you might 'bump' into the person
Ringing any bells yet OP? Grin

Bullettoothtony · 01/09/2015 18:55

Really interested in this thread, as I am suffering from a very bad one right now. My symptoms are;

Think about them all the time
When he comes anywhere near me, my spine tingles and my tummy flips
Find excuses to talk to him all the time
Can't eat
Can't sleep
Want to give him things and touch him Grin

Told you, I got it bad

How do you distinguish a crush and proper attraction though? Confused

beaglesaresweet · 01/09/2015 18:59

Bullet, I think it's more being in love than just a crush, what you describe, especially wanting to give then things and touch them. But it does depend on how long has it been like that?

beaglesaresweet · 01/09/2015 19:00

also talking to him a lot - I find that the usual crushes aer more of a fantasy and admiration from a distance, talking involves possibly being disappointed or feeling too nervy around them, so if you actually enjoy talking it s more like being in love.

bulletpoint · 01/09/2015 19:03

Whats the difference between being in love and having a crush on someone? how can you tell the difference? always wondered about that one.

And oh, I'm neither Wink

Bullettoothtony · 01/09/2015 19:16

WHAT??!!

I have been like this for approx 6-8 weeks.

Never ebb occured to me, I could be falling in love Confused

Bullettoothtony · 01/09/2015 19:24

And/but doesn't being 'in love' have to be reciprocal? I'm not sure you can be in love with someone, who isn't loving you back?

Regardless of my situation, it's a very interesting subject isn't it? Are there 'correct' answers, or is it all a bit subjective?

bulletpoint · 01/09/2015 19:30

Of course you can be in love with someone without it being reciprocal. It'll be an unfortunate situation.

pocketsaviour · 01/09/2015 19:44

Being in love with someone who doesn't love you is actually a recognised condition called Limerence. There was a thread about it on here a few weeks ago.

I don't think you can be in "real" love with someone until you've spent enough time with them to truly know them, which is mainly going to come through dating.

Crushes can just be about hero-worshipping someone. I love this episode of Peep Show where Mark gets a massive man-crush on Alan.

and skip to 7:36
beaglesaresweet · 01/09/2015 19:52

yes 'in love' involves knowing someone to an extent, sound like Bullet does know him/is in daily contact. I differentiate 'being in love' and just 'deep love' for someone - it's the latter that applies to knowing someone through thick and thin, all their drawbacks etc. Usually in long happy marriages! 'In love' can always be temporary but you still know and spend time with the person to an extrent, crushes can be completely at a distance or towards a celeb or even say at work but when you only see one side of them. I think crushes don't last more than a couple of month, not intensely anyway.

beaglesaresweet · 01/09/2015 19:53

months

bulletpoint · 01/09/2015 19:53

Crush:

Hero worship
fleeting???
Are there any other features?

Bullettoothtony · 01/09/2015 19:54

In that wiki link, it says that limerence is also known as infatuation or 'a crush' Confused

But I wouldn't equate infatuation and 'a crush'. I don't think Confused

bulletpoint · 01/09/2015 19:55

Oh yes, infatuation too [oh dear]

OP do you recognise yourself in any of these yet?

beaglesaresweet · 01/09/2015 21:12

not sure about hero worship - I had many crushes but very few based on looking up to them, it's either strong physical attraction or they were a talent (esp in music/dance) but in all cases I really didn't know then at all, it was all projection. I never thought they were perfect, it was just that I felt excited about something in them.
'In love' usually lasts longer and is based on some knowledge, but also often based on great sexual chemistry that lasts. And it does involve having something in common. But usually stopped within two years.
I'm still looking for a deep love that really lasts! that's the rarest thing.

Bullettoothtony · 01/09/2015 23:01

What about sex? Can you be in love with someone you haven't had sex with. To me being in love with someone, means knowing someone totally and still having that desire to be with them. And that can't happen until you have been through a fair plenty things; or you don't know the whole person

Original poster
PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 01/09/2015 23:05

Ok, she might have had a point... Grin I think it's probably on the lower end of the scale though (definitely not approaching limerence - I'd never heard of that before but it's very interesting, and sounds quite sad really).

I've known him for about five years and he's one of the cleverest/sharpest people I know. I love being around him and talking to him because it's always interesting. I do think about him quite a lot and get a bit of a tingle if I see a message from him - sort of anticipation? I did have a bad case of mentionitis at one point when I was seeing a lot of him, but managed to curb it.

We tease each other mercilessly most of the time, but if I'm upset or worried he'll always listen and try to make me feel better and when I first met him he did something very kind for me, that actually impacted on him quite a lot (although I didn't know that until later).

The reason we were talking about it is that we'd just found out he'd taken my best friend on a date...

The friend I was with was saying she was surprised how well I was taking it, considering I'd always had a crush on him. I argued that I didn't - I certainly don't want to go out with him, and I can't imagine kissing him or anything. For quite a lot of the time I've known him he's had a girlfriend, although they split up recently, hence the date with my friend.

I think I perhaps have more or less a girl-crush on a man Grin I'd like him to be my cousin or brother if that makes sense!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 01/09/2015 23:12

You want him to be your cousin or brother?

No you don't Grin

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 01/09/2015 23:12

I've developed a massive crush on someone at work who I used to have a bit of a crush on, because they were the only person who contacted me while I was on sick leave from work. It kept me awake at night and everything. But now, because I've got to go in tomorrow and might actually SEE him, I've stopped dreaming of copping off with him behind some bins at the work's Xmas do and have begun to remember some of the things that annoyed me about him still cacking it though

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