Question about sex (will try not to TMI)

[thiswayupplease]

I just wanted to know if anyone could tell me how you know or not if a man enjoys sex with you?

I am not usually this clueless with things but it was my first sex in forever, bit paranoid about belly scar and a bit of extra flab and was not sure he enjoyed it or not and want to know how you can tell if he doesn't give much away?

It was a bit of a one nighter, so probably won't be repeated, although I would quite like if it was, but just want to know if I was doing things right or got something wrong or didn't look good.

As I remember sex being they say a lot "oh so beautiful", "oh feels good" but if they don't I really don't know how you tell if they liked it or not?

i am wondering what Ewan has to do with it

But it sounds as if your self esteem is pretty low, tummy flab or not!

You've got to appreciate that 1-nighters for some men don't necessarily involve them liking the woman in any way other than just thinking 'yeah, she's ok' ( physically.) As long as he had sex, orgasmed and got what he wanted, (this is some men) then it's mission accomplished. And to be really frank, as long as a woman has a vagina and is willing, that's job done!

If you are really wanting more than wham, bang, thank you ma'am, then perhaps that's why you are fretting?

Might it not suit you better to get to know men more then have sex when you are sure they like you as a person- and aren't just being used for a quick shag(s)?

I think that your self esteem and poor body image / confidence is so low that one night stands put you at risk of feeling worse, not better, because you're opening yourself up ( in every sense!) to guys who are just want a shag, who won't say the lovey-dovey stuff you'd like to hear, or give your compliments, so best avoid for the moment.

if you were too fat or ugly for him(whatever the fuck that means) then im sure he would have noticed that before sleeping with you.

If you spent the entire time objectifying yourself, and thinking of yourself as a collection of imperfect body parts rather than someone who was enjoying some lovely sex, and enjoying it together, then youre not even present in the moment. Whether he enjoyed it or not, noone can say, but it doesnt sound like you had a good time.

from what youve said though, it sounds like he found you very physically attractive. Id be more concerned about your self esteem issues

I think OP has a point as he didn't contact her afterwards for a repeat performance. As I understand it wasn't agreed as an ONS as such but just that they want no srtings sex, meaning possibly ongoing.
IMO he was very attracted physically and had great sex, bt as he is dtill dealing with his upset over his ex leaving, he wants to avoid getting attached to any woman, so it's likely to be the opposite - he liked it more than expected and thought it's not as cool and casual as he needs it to be right now. Or he enjoyed the sex but wants to try out different partners so again doesn't want to stick to one. Also he may still contact you for another session - with casual sex there is usual no pressure of normal dating as to quick contact, it's 'as and when' someone is horny and has free time basically.
But OP he DEFINITELY liked you physically! don't you know that many men are not into skinny women and they love natural larger bodies!

I just don't know how anyone can assume he liked her body- or didn't.
Liking a woman's body and being physically able to have sex with her are two different things. TBH if he'd not had sex for ages- which is what she told us- then I think he'd be happy to have a willing partner. There is the saying 'who looks at the mantelpiece when they are stoking the fire.'

It sounds to me that he really enjoyed the experience, and made sure you did as well.
You had previously told him you weren't looking for a relationship, and may well be confused about what to do next.
Any man who stays all night, and wants a repeat performance, is certainly not horrified or disgusted. Quite the opposite! It is easy enough to make an excuse and do a runner - and he stayed.
I think you need to work on your self confidence. If that means going to the gym/on a diet, then do those things so you can feel more desirable. It sounds like he started the experience feeling like it was a 'one off' opportunity, and would have felt silly saying too much under the circumstances.
My DH began as a 'one night' experience. This became FWB, then eventually (like a year after), we admitted to the feelings we had.
The sex at the beginning has no resemblance to what we have now. We are now open, honest and loving, whereas it began as a 'performance sport' almost!
We laugh about it now, but it was all about trying to be something we were not. Neither were ready for a relationship, so we acted very strangely.
Afterwards, I think we both felt crap, and unsure what to do.

He definitely desired you. Nobody keeps the lights on without wanting the visual stimulus.
I think you probably looked great, the experience felt great, and he tried to get as much physical action as possible because he thought there wouldn't be a repeat performance.
You should clarify your intentions. I would expect that he will come running, unless the experience has really messed his head up. Perhaps he found some feelings he didn't expect, or want, and is now questioning whether you like him.
He'll certainly be ashamed of the initial '3 stroke' incident.

You need to communicate with him.

I know in an ideal world it wouldn't matter to me, but it does so sorry if I sounded and came across like a completely confidence-less doormat or something. I do have confidence in a lot of area of my life, like work but being naked is just my weak spot.

I did always know it was just sex, but I suppose the brain figured if a man has gone to about 2.5 months of work, texts, asking you out for the night and all of that to get one night I was (maybe naively) expecting he wanted more than that one night and can't help feeling if he'd really enjoyed it he would be asking for another round.

I really am not in a place emotionally myself to properly date or spend time with someone. I've got no time, no desire to open myself to someone just yet and really wanted an occassionally shag who I really fancied and it was a bit "red hot" with.

So I suppose the build up was like that and then a bit deflated he'd not got in touch. Totally irrespective of this I was feeling low about my body. I do think to a degree I get away with it because it's all in the right places in clothes but when they come off I feel like it's a diferrent story.

I know not everyone likes skinny but I'd rather it was at leats toned and not all stretchmarky. The problem I suppose is that I don't really look fat with clothes on. I feel a it like I might dress well as put off a bit of false advertising.

I will get back on the horse with the exercising. I just lost the plot a bit when my ex left me and rally just wanted some red hot affair to energise me! Not just a one nighter, but not dating either IYSWIM.

That's cute how you met your husband MrsJuice :) I think sometimes things that happen when you aren't expecting are the bst ones.

As I was writing this message he did send me a text and it said he was orry for not having been in touch, that for whatever reason he felt a bit down afterwards an it;s not to do with me. I don't think he meant it nastily, and can understand that happens after you lose someone you love.

You sound as if you are a bit confused over what you want- and maybe a bit naive?
Men will pursue women for ages if they like the thrill of the chase. But once they have succeeded some will disappear in a puff of smoke.

The sad thing is, you are not offering anything unusual: there are plenty of women offering no-commitment sex. Men have the pick of lots of women.

You told him from the beginning it was 'just sex' so you really can't complain. I expect he feels sad because even though the sex was ok he might feel empty and be comparing it to how he felt when he had a true emotional connection with his ex.

Do you need to think about what you really want? A red hot affair usually comes with some kind of emotional baggage- unless you are the sort who can have sex without your emotions engaging- and the way you are going over this shows you can't.

I think you really need to think if 'just sex' is really for you- or if you'd like to think it was. Big difference.

Maybe I just thought it was.

Thre was definitely a picture in the head that wasn't reality and although the sex was enjoyable I admit the feeling of no connection at all dampened it for me.

Sigh. Maybe I am just not the type.

Being honest, have never slept with anyone before and though it was crap (or doubted that he didn't enjoy it) because I suppose we talked more and knew each other better.