Please help me see sense

[pnutter]

I'm sorry I'm really upset
My dads funeral tomorrow and I just want to know if I'm being mental
Dh was on phone tonight (I'm away we don't live together but I'm away from my home sorting funeral ) on phone I heard his mobile go a few times. He said it was his son (he was only just saying he never hears from him..son has a partner and baby has moved away) I said send me the message from him to son and vice versa.
Dh got mad and refused .
I would have thought that the eve of my dads funeral he'd just send it even if to just shut me up
I'm so confused.

My family are a nightmare.
I was closest to my dad until very recently when even that got difficult. But I've said my goodbyes and although I didn't want to leave him I can't see how today will be any better.

My family all hate each other. My mum has never been maternal.

I've done all I can for mum over the last two weeks. All the finances funeral everything. Sorted out paperwork . Cooked and cleaned. Arranged memorial service for two weeks. I just can't do any more I dont think

If you feel that you have said your goodbyes to your df, and that today will just be another drain for you, then I agree that you don't need to be there. Only go if you feel that there is any part of you that would regret not going.

It can be nice to see how many people loved and cared about your loved one. But if the emotional price is too high, then make sure you protect yourself first and foremost.

big love and hugs to you pnutter

You dont have to go anywhere you dont want to, or feel able to. xx

holding your hand here xx

There's only 6 of us going . I do think I may regret it but I don't think I can physically do it . I feel so bad. I think my mum and sister have gone out. I'm never included . I haven't had anyone even say hello.
I know I've done what my dad wanted and I saw him twice and gave him my diamond ring that I wore every day. Ibe been ill recently with serious depression. I've coped for the past two weeks because of doing all the things that needed doing. Now I feel I can't do any more

You're exhausted and that hasn't been helped by your dh playing silly buggers.

You won't be going anywhere unless you get moving so go downstairs, have a cuppa and a stiff drink, and tell your dm that you said your goodbyes to df last night and would find it too hearbreaking to go the funeral.

Go back to your room, pack your belongings, and leave for home after they've set off for the church. Is your return journey booked for today?

Everything that needed doing has been done. You've done incredibly holding it all together throughout all this, especially with you having depression too. I think you must be some kind of superwoman, I really do.

Having a bit of a collapse on the day of your df's funeral is completely understandable! Especially if he was the one member of the family you really felt close to.

Is there anywhere nearby that was special to you and your dad? Or maybe just somewhere nice to go? So you could get out of the house and go somewhere to think about him without having to pander to anyone else or do anything else?

My mum just told my uncle that funeral today and she's sorry I didn't let him know...she told me not to as she said neither her or dad would want him there .

It sounds as if you're everyone's one scapegoat, sweetie.

Get your things together and leave. How long will it take you to get home?

Five hours ish

Thank you all. I'm going to sign out now.

Have a safe journey home and a good night's sleep tonight.

Safe journey. Make sure you take some time for you. You've had so much to deal with.

Take care OP

In case anyone wants to know. I ended up going to mu dad's funeral it was the worst day of my life because he and I were so similar he understood me . But he was laid to rEst in a beautiful natural grave. I feel destroyed but I'm glad he had that resting place. As for the family, no more for me

Well at least it's over with. So sorry for the hard time you are having.

You did the right thing. I'm really, really sorry you've lost your Dad, but I'm proud of you for doing the right thing, even when it was also the hardest thing.

Thank You x

You poor, poor thing OP. Well done. Please put yourself first now.

This is one of the saddest things Ive read and Im so sorry you had to go through this. It was also one of the scariest things Ive ever read because your terror could be felt and it was awful.

You did everything you could for you dad and now its time for you. Please look after yourself and consider going back to the Dr to see if your dads death could have tipped you back into your depression.

You were very brave today and I admire you very much for what you managed to do. xxxxx

Pnutter, my thoughts are with you. Don't forget to eat something occasionally. You are stronger than you know. Have you got support in RL?

You've shown such strength, it must have been so very hard, but you were there with him right until the end. Just focus on you now. Look after yourself and remember there is always someone here for you if you need us.

I'm so glad you attended your df's funeral as not being present to lay him to rest would have been a source of immense regret for you. As it is, you did your df proud and I have no doubt he was, and is, immensely proud of you.

From what you've said about your family, I suggest you don't initiate any further contact with them and refuse any further requests/demands they make on you.

Get as much rest as possible over the weekend and, as Sansoora has said, don't hesitate to make an appointment with your GP if you feel the black dog of depression nipping at your heels again.

You did far more than your duty and now it's time to put yourself first.

Wow so many kinds messages thank you all. Yes my depression is bad of late . I was just recovering from an overdose. Of course, my family do not talk about my illness. Twenty five years ago I was first hospitalised but apparently it's something to be ignored. And a source of shame and disappointment.
I have a good therapist now . Weekly so I've missed a couple sessions while I've been away. I also ran out of anti depressants while away as I left home in such a rush when I heard dad had died.

He had a bad heart but on that day was well it was a shock as he just died in the street after getting his newspapers.

So anyway I'm going to now get some support for myself and dd. I had already called social services on the day I attempted suicide.
You have all been such a support thank you . I would not have made it to dad's funeral without you.

I live alone with dd. The dh stuff I am not going to obsess over. I hardly see him anyway.
As I said I was still picking up the pieces from my breakdown. So I shall go to gp this week too as I feel very fragile .
Thank you kind mnetter friends.

Even when death is expected it's still a shock as we're never fully prepared for it. I hope you'll monitor yourself very carefully in coming weeks as grief can manifest in strange ways and you've had the additional strain of dealing with your family who sound totally toxic.

Do you have a stock of anti-depressants? If not, can you call your GP's surgery first thing Monday and get a repeat prescription sent to your nearest pharmacy?