I think this is the end of us :-(

[Memom]

Yesterday I discovered lots of messages between my husband and one of my friends about me. Over many months they have discussed my health and more importantly my mental health.

They have between them diagnosed me as bi polar amongst many other things. Where in fact I have suffered PND and am also dealing with the very difficult long term health condition of our baby.

I feel betrayed, he has told her things that were private between just us. He has discussed things at length and basically made me sound a complete nutter - me saying I need a bit of help around the house etc has been relayed as me needing urgent doctors appointments and the need to be in a mental unit!

The trust I had in him is gone, I can't live with someone I don't trust but do I throw away a marriage? Do I break up our family? Can I just live with the fact he thinks I'm a nutter and I can't trust him?

It sounds dramatic but I'm broken. I trusted him with everything and he's gone behind my back.

Twinklestein, I agree with everything you have said.

I think this man may be gaslighting.

I'm beginning to think he has also spoken to others too as all messages have suddenly been deleted. Every single message off the iPad.

I was beginning to think perhaps I was being irrational and maybe he was just seeking support for me, now I'm thinking he has this all worked out. I've now emailed my friend (although she is away) to say I know everything and if she needs some drama get it elsewhere. He has said he won't speak to her again (not so sure I believe that).

I don't want him near me. I don't want to give up on my marriage, I love our family but I'm not going to be treated this way.

Are you wondering if he has been saying things to others who used to be friends who have drifted away, or other people in this time frame as well as the soap fan?

I think he has just talked to anyone that will listen, I saw a former colleague/friend earlier they couldn't get away fast enough and said "glad you're feeling well enough to be out and about" I replied with "Didn't know I'd been ill!"

I'm alarmed by the messages getting deleted, he keeps messages for years! Everything is gone not just those to my friend.

Is there any way you could contact the woman you met earlier and ask her what she has heard and from whom? If you know her well, you could tell her something of what you have posted here perhaps, as background to your request.

I would be suspicious at the disappearance of the messages too.

He's behaving very bizarrely.

How long have you been together?

We've been together just over six years.

I'm so confused. My head says kick him out I will never trust him again but my heart wants this family. I want the family unit but not sure it can work now.

I managed to speak to my doc and she has no concerns, she said I had done the right thing when I realised I wasn't feeling right and was now out the other side :-)

Try to sleep on it, tomorrow has to be better. Thanks for all your opinions and advice, I know there are many many people with much bigger problems. Thank you all!