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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

told the kids today, dh isn't going to live with us anymore.

27 replies

carol3 · 26/11/2006 21:20

dh moved out last sat, saying he doen't love me anymore, told the kids today that daddy isn't going to live with us anymore. dd1 seems ok as does dd2 shes 3 so doesn't really understand but ds1 who was 9 on friday is heartbroken bless him. feel so angrey with dh. Giong to keep him of school tommorro he has a cold too so said he can have a duvet day and will spoil him, feel so said though hate them having to go through this pain.

OP posts:

mckenzie · 26/11/2006 21:33

so sorry to hear that carol3 and have no words of wisdom to add unfortunately.
Thought if I bumped thi sup though someone might see it who can offer some proper advice.
Are you and DH on speaking terms cos I imagine that will make things a lot smoother for the children?

idontlikecrusts · 26/11/2006 21:35

How did ds's birthday go - did his dad manage to 'make it'?

Pages · 26/11/2006 21:36

Saw your last post Carol. So sorry you are going through this but you sound like an absolutely gorgeous mum and your DS will adjust in time. x

theheadlessgirl · 26/11/2006 21:38

I'm sending a hug carol3 - I went through this 3 years ago. I have 3 DD, and my eldest was 8 at the time. It hit her the hardest, but if your ex makes sure your kids know he will always love them they'll get through it. I can understand your sadness though - its not what you ever wanted for your kids is it? A duvet day for DS1 is an excellent idea.

Fattymumma · 26/11/2006 21:39

i really hate these situations. he left so why should it be left to you to explain to the kids? it makes me so

hopefully his dad will be able to reasure him that although he doesnt live there anymore he will still see him and love him.

(((hugs))) for you both

theheadlessgirl · 26/11/2006 21:42

fattymama - I know its always the mother who's left with the hard job. Ex-h was with me when we actually told our girls, but after he'd gone was when all the questions came up. And then it was me who had to tell DD1 he had a new partner, cos she asked would we ever get back together, and I felt I had to be truthful

Overrunnerbean · 26/11/2006 21:42

That sounds rotten, it must be really hard doing that, I guess Kids often adjust better than we think they will

Saturn74 · 26/11/2006 21:45

What a tough day you've had carol .
The duvet day tomorrow for DS1 sounds like a very good idea.

7swansaswimmingup · 26/11/2006 21:47

so sorry for you having to tell the kids, must have been awful, especially at this time of year

Original poster

carol3 · 26/11/2006 21:52

thanks all, support on here keeping me sane he did make his birthday thank god, and ds said he had a wonderful day,
dh's parents came so dh on his best behaviour ! all sweet and supportive ! even though i scripped and saved for all the presents, cards party food ect! feeling a real mix of sadness anger and lonliness but I know things will get better.
On top of this dd2 has croup and hasn't slept the past two nights so am knakered !

OP posts:

Original poster

carol3 · 26/11/2006 21:55

by the way dh left with the laptop so have got old pc out of the loft, had broadband installed this week,
but because this pc only has 1st addition windows98 it won't run the broadband arrh so have crappy dial up!

OP posts:

idontlikecrusts · 26/11/2006 21:56

If there is one moment of separating from my ex H I'd rather not live through ever again it is having to tell the children that Daddy isn't coming back.

I don't know if this helps much but after feeling anger I got around to the idea that my ex H actually did a brave thing leaving. He is still a twat but he did me and the kids a favour leaving. I could never have left the relationship, but it was definitely best that it ended. I can see that now.

Hugs to you - hope you can use your super magical powers for a fab xmas as well as a super birthday! I'm sure you can - enjoy x

theheadlessgirl · 26/11/2006 21:57

My girls still see ex-h parents too. Knowing that Dad, and grandparents are all still in their lives helps the kids no end I think. Keep your chin up, its worth not giving in to bitterness even though there's bound to be some. I like to save it up for cold callers selling mobile phones!! (sorry if thats your job!)

Alibaldi · 26/11/2006 22:00

carol3 I'm too that he left you to do this. It should have been done jointly to re-affirm that you both love them. I'm dreading this as I'm sure it won't be long before I have to do it myself. Sending you loads of .

Original poster

carol3 · 26/11/2006 22:02

the kids adore my inlaws and they are being great which helps, just want to get through this as un scarred as possible so making a huge fuss of them and giving them tons of hugs. .

OP posts:

theheadlessgirl · 26/11/2006 22:06

I think as mums you want your kids to have a charmed life, with no pain or problems. What kind of adults will they become then though. This is horrible for everyone, but watching parents who stay together in an unhappy marriage is damaging too. You are doing the right thing in nurturing your kids (and yourself I hope) whilst its all so raw.

Alibaldi · 26/11/2006 22:06

I really feel for you as H doesn't love my any more and I'm dreading the day when we actually separate/divorce for real. Glad in-laws are being supportive. My MIL will no doubt completely blame me as H is her No.1 son and no-one's ever been good enough for him.

theheadlessgirl · 26/11/2006 22:08

Hugs to you too Alibaldi - it seems like you know the inevitable is going to happen. I'll say it again, even though its painful, its not right for anyone for to stay together if they aren't happy. We're all here for you xx

Original poster

carol3 · 26/11/2006 22:12

hugs to you to alibaldi, have to go has dd's croup has started been the same time every night,

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beansprout · 26/11/2006 22:17

Just wanted to wish you well for the next few weeks and months.

caroline3 · 26/11/2006 22:22

Hi Carol3, so sorry to hear about your dh leaving. It brought back a lot of memories for me as my dh walked out at the same time of year, saying he didn't love me. It was (and is) tough, make sure you look after yourself, this is so important. You will feel like shit for a while but things will get better. It is tough for the kids but they will get over things in time, I'm afraid life isn't a fairy tale and they are getting to know this at an early age. If its any consolation you will find lots of other mums in the same situation at school and on this site.

As another poster said, I realise now that dh was right in leaving and it did take a lot of guts. Things hadn't been right for a long time and if I am honest with myself I had known that for ages. I have recovered my self respect and am definately a happier person for that.

Original poster

carol3 · 27/11/2006 21:22

thankyou, it does help hearing people that have been through it and come out the otherside.

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Alibaldi · 28/11/2006 02:44

Hoping your day was okay carol3. Thanks for all the kind words for me too everyone. I think we're all doing a fantastic job supporting ourselves on here. Sadly there's more and more of us appearing every week.

theheadlessgirl · 28/11/2006 22:25

Alibaldi, either not on british time, or insomnia looking at time of your last post - Hows it going?
Carol3, how is ds1 doing, did duvet day help?

Original poster

carol3 · 29/11/2006 21:30

duvet day did help hes still a bit teary but not too bad, I,ve been up and down a bit didn't expect the lonliness to bother me as much.

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