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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can you please read this list......

31 replies

stablemabel · 26/08/2015 15:03

Is any of this what you would describe in any way shape or form EA? If I put it in point form it might be easier to understand. (there is no or very little mega stuff mostly subtle stuff)

  1. Getting silent (not refusing to answer just not talking) treatment.
  2. Appearing very cross and sulky when spoken to.
  3. partner Not wanting to engage in conversation about a problem/issue says 'it's a bad time, I'm tired' when YOU want to try and sort a problem. No suggestion as to what might be a good time or no further approach to subject by partner, therefore nothing resolved.
  4. Being ordered in a cross voice to do something when you have done nothing wrong or not omitted to do something.
  5. Not being supportive in disciplining children or encouraging (older) children to help around the house when partner is tired and could do with help.
  6. Being told 'I thought you would have done xyz' when no one has asked you to do xyz in the first place.

7)Partner knows you have something to do, tells you he will do it later that day. No sign of it getting done and you say in normal tone 'are you doing xyz or shall I?' Partner says 'I'll do it if you want me to' (no, I had said earlier I was going to do it - you offered Confused) the procedes to let you no the job is a pain and let's get it out of the way.

  1. Forgetting to do a very important job that partner normally does, partner has asked for it to be done and left a reminder note. There is no apology to partner that the job was not done or forgotten, as if it wasn;t that important.

  2. Being told to F Off in an argument infront of children (teens).

  3. Ignoring partner's health issues or showing very little interest.eg just not asking 'oh how did you get on at doc, optician or whatever today?' when it is known you have a problem with something.Perhaps asking days or weeks later or not at all.

  4. Regularly being told you shouldn't moan/get upset/feel frustrated whe you may have good reason too. Being told you are being negative when you are being realistic/practical.

12)Not offering to help partner, when you are in a position to do so when you know they are tired.

As I say it's mostly subtle ( I think or it might be me being too close to the wood!!) and between this there is lovely behaviour. But when I read this as if someone else had wrote it I am thinking 'you poor woman'

OP posts:
Wando · 27/08/2015 15:00

But work out whether you both want to work at it first. There is no turning back at a later date in most situations.

stablemabel · 27/08/2015 22:56

I wasn't talking about labels at all, I was talking about behaviour patterns in order to try and understand what the heck is going on.

Thanks to some of you eg lavenderhoney but tbh I think coming on here when feeling raw is a mistake, some MN are very harsh, don't read the post properly or try and understand how an OP is feeling before they wade in with opinions and commands. It's really poor, I don't know what bandit and doorthink they are achieving with their comments except to make someone feel more unhappy with heartless advice. Please don't give advice to anyone else on here, seriously, just don't.

OP posts:
mulranna · 27/08/2015 23:14

It sounds like Passive Aggressive Behaviour

www.angriesout.com/couples8.htm

Which can be very difficult to identify/pin point as it is a series of low level behaviours that have a cumulative impact - leaving the recipient exhausted and confused....and yes it is abusive.

sykadelic · 28/08/2015 01:04

Some people are just arseholes. It's not emotional abuse, they just aren't good people.

From your OP:

  1. Not abusive, just doesn't care
  2. Not abusive, just doesn't care.
  3. Not abusive, just doesn't care
  4. This depends what it is and the situation. Sounds more like frustration.
  5. Not abusive, just doesn't care.
  6. Lazy/placing blame on you
  7. Not abusive, just doesn't care.
  8. Not abusive, just doesn't care
  9. Rude
  10. Not abusive, just doesn't care
  11. Not abusive, just doesn't care
  12. Not abusive, just doesn't care

Honestly mostly sounds like he doesn't care about you or the relationship, that he's totally checked out of life with you and the kids.

loveyoutothemoon · 28/08/2015 07:36

The other posters are just saying your other half sounds unhappy. And he does. It's nothing against you.

Casimir · 28/08/2015 09:08

'between this there is lovely behaviour.'

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