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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am being really stupid but I need your advice!

53 replies

ClaraBean · 26/08/2015 14:26

It is pathetic! I am 35 and behaving like a 14 year old!
Right, I am being really stupid, and I need some help.
I have been single for three years, after dh left me for a woman from his work, and haven't really been interested in relationships since then. I have had one night stands and was seeing somebody briefly, but in short - I am really out of practice!
Anyway, Sunday night I ended up having drinks with a guy I know. He is a friend of friend, and we have hung out lots but our mutual friend has always been there, so these were our first drinks alone. They were unplanned - we bumped into each other.
Anyhow, we had a great time, stayed up til 5am laughing and being silly and ended up fooling around.
He left in the morning, and we said we would see each other Saturday - at a party that we were already both going to.
This is the daft bit - he has left his sunglasses here. I have asked our mutual friend for his number so i can text him to say I Have his sunglasses.
I was just going to say 'hi, I've got your glasses I will bring them saturday, ,but you can get them before if you want'
My friend thinks I should be more flirty, and acknowledge the other night and be suggestive about Saturday.
So - how should I text him?

OP posts:

Original poster

ClaraBean · 26/08/2015 19:11

I know the glasses on the bear sound crap, and I wouldn't usually do it but he put the glasses on the bear (it is a very weird looking bear) and it was just a stupid thing we were doing at 4am when we drunk, making up silly voices for it and stuff.
So . . . he has replied!
There was no real suggestion of a repeat of the other night I don't think. He said he had a blast Sunday night, gave a nod of thanks to our out of hours pub connections, and hoped he'd see me at the party. Longer winded than that but that's the gist.
I have just replied, so will see if anything comes of that.
Not feeling hopeful though - is that a polite brush off? Or just a laid back way of communicating. I know I will have to wait until I see him in person before I know for sure I suppose.
I had also thought it might be stalkery to ask our friend for the number, but if nothing had happened that night and he had left his glasses behind that is what I would have done, so I thought I would do it any way.
I am so shit at all this stuff!

OP posts:

Snapespeare · 26/08/2015 19:15

Oh, I do hope it goes well Clara! (Basically because I'm a huge doctor who fan and you are Clara!) I'd wind it back a bit though and stroll through Saturday looking fab and nonchalant, because that's infuriating.

Smilingforth · 26/08/2015 19:32

I'm not sure it's a brush off. He has texted at reasonable length and referred to your previous encounter. I think ( but who am I to tell) that he would like a repeat! Good luck

tribpot · 26/08/2015 19:40

I agree, applying the sacred rule of Boy Time, as explained in Clueless, a reply on the same day indicates definite keenness. I would have advised not replying to him in order to preserve an air of nonchalance and mystery, but definitely do not text again if you don't get a reply from him.

I would say overall cautiously optimistic is the forecast for the weekend.

OooMatron · 26/08/2015 21:29

I like your first text - send him that and good luck!

Smilingforth · 26/08/2015 21:48

I nearly put Good lick accidentally

Wando · 26/08/2015 22:58

I sense a lot of fun coming up!

Original poster

ClaraBean · 26/08/2015 23:18

Ooooh - really?? You all see to be quietly confident! He hasn't replied to my second text, which was quite chatty. Most of my friends are boys, so I tend to treat them all the same, which probably isn't great when I want to move beyond friendship!
I will not text him again unless he texts me, and I may 'accidentally' forget the sunglasses on Saturday. And obviously I will walk in and be as fabulous as possible, and be awesome!
Do I play it cool and aloof, or huggy and kissy and friendly. I have alwyas been huggy, kissy and friendly with him before (I am with everybody though)
I am so shit at this. It was so easy when I got together with exdh when we were 20. We got together one night, and then just sort of stayed together, then we were boyfriend and gorlfriend! It's a lot harder at 35 with four kids in tow!

OP posts:

MrsPCR · 26/08/2015 23:21

Oh god this makes me not miss all the rules and times to game playing at playing it cool.

I think it's a good sign he's texted back so soon. He's clearly not too into the games!!

tribpot · 26/08/2015 23:26

Chatty text - too keen! But don't worry too much, he might be busy tonight and not want to get into a protracted text convo (you didn't reply microseconds after he did, I hope?). If he does text back, definitely don't reply that day.

Don't forget the sunglasses, that will be too obviously game playing given you went to considerable trouble to text him to say you had them.

I would make him come to you at the party - be fabulous elsewhere (in his line of sight) as much as possible, be as friendly as you normally would when you do talk to him but don't seek him out. Make sure you exchange glances, though!

KobblyKnees · 26/08/2015 23:33

Marking place ...

Original poster

ClaraBean · 26/08/2015 23:34

Hmmm, yeah. I was napping on the sofa when he texted so I text him back about an hour after. I was half asleep so it came out the way I would text anyone. I wasn't really thinking. Oh well - if he likes me at all, hopefully it would take more than one chatty text to put him off!!
OK I will put the sunglasses in a spare spectacles case and put them in my bag now - you are right, too much like game playing. But I will be fabulous at the party (or try to be!)
I find it a lot easier to give advice to my friends - I can see that very clearly, but it is very difficult to see through everything when you are in it!

OP posts:

lavenderhoney · 26/08/2015 23:34

I would write back tomorrow morning and say " I'll bring them on Sat, see you then - Clara" and only put a x if you usually do for anyone because most people do and its not a big thing.

Then look fabulous on sat, don't get drunk, and don't let your mates fuck it up by messing about- he knows you like him. Let him come and talk to you and ask you if you'd like to get some " fresh air" :)

Original poster

ClaraBean · 27/08/2015 18:07

Well, he didn't reply to my chatty second text. Damn. Regretting that one - I should have come back on here before I sent another text. I shall never text a boy again without consulting MN first!
So, all I have to do now is see what Saturday brings! It is going to be a really crazy busy party, but in a small space (it will be rammed!), and it will be loud, so we will either have to ignore each other or stand very close to speak!
I really wish hadn't sent the second text!

OP posts:

tribpot · 27/08/2015 18:32

Don't worry about it, he may just not be a big texter. But yes, MN is always right about whether or not to text boys (usual advice being 'if in doubt, don't').

I can see the party might not really resolve anything, so don't get too down if it doesn't - leave it a while and have your friend set something up. Patience, young grasshopper!

Fettuccinecarbonara · 29/08/2015 22:36

How was the party?!

BitOutOfPractice · 30/08/2015 02:39

Maybe she's still there?

Bearsbeets · 30/08/2015 03:04

Maybe she's having the best shag of her life I'm hoping for updates when he's left in the morning

Aramynta · 30/08/2015 10:13

Morning op

How did it go?

for the hangover.

whattodohatethis · 30/08/2015 10:14

Don't keep us in suspense, what happened last night? :)

sapphirestars · 30/08/2015 12:42

Bookmarking

Matilda2013 · 30/08/2015 12:52

I'm waiting patiently to see what's happened clearly my own settled life is not exciting enough for me and X factor Saturday was terrible

springydaffs · 30/08/2015 13:16

SO waiting for an update

(If he didn't come up with goods he's stupid. Just keep that in mind)

(the bear photo wasn't twee btw. in joke)

Dowser · 30/08/2015 19:34

Awwww! We need to know.

Please don't say the kids were ill and you couldn't go!

Theresaflyinmyhouse · 30/08/2015 19:48

Omg op! Come back!

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