Aibu to ask for help again

[Monkeybabies111]

My relationship is really at breaking point along with my life.
I'm currently awaiting help for my mood being low but I need to know if I'm as crazy I feel or if my point is valid as I really don't know anything right now.
Dp is upset with me for asking again for help in the middle of the night, I've been asking for 2 months if he could just get the dc 1 baby and 1 with sn neither sleep.
He only works a few hours in the evenings but says it's my job to get up and deal with the them at night currently not getting more than 2 hours sleep at a time but it's also my job to deal with them during the day although he is around and does the food so does do things but in 6 months he never once took both kids out.
Aibu to think this isn't right- I really don't know at the moment and I know the kids deserve better than me I keep trying but I don't know if I can ask for help from anyone again as I'm paranoid about annoying people (sorry If I annoy anyone here)

Oh sweetheart, you are not the one in the wrong here. He is being massively selfish and mean. There is no way he would cope without you so don't even think that him or the children would be better without you. What would he do after half an hour then?! You need to get really really angry with him. He is behaving so badly.

He went to sleep on the couch while I settled dd. I can't sleep with the workmen in I just can't I'm very anxious when people are in the house due to my past I can't have people I don't trust around me when I sleep.

I can't get angry I can feel it and I take it out on me but I can't show it to others- I know it makes no sense but I'm scared of what will happen if I were to get angry at others even though I know they won't hurt me.
I do however cry and beg a lot which I have been doing lately a lot as I feel all over the place I'm getting so tired that I feel ok without sleep then to the stage where I feel like I will do anything to get it and have tried to do what he asks but I can't keep trying now I think it's the final straw I may have had 3 nights in 8 months where I've sleep more than 4 but less than 6 hours at a time.

Please please contact Women's aid, and also tell your GP/Health Visitor what is happening and how you feel.

Don't apologise for typos etc. We all understand that you are really tired. You are doing so well to make so much sense on so little sleep.

I apologised as I've seen people correct others before and didn't want anyone annoyed.
My gp knows I'm low and has been trying to hurry an appointment with a psychiatrist along but there's huge waiting lists I have a cpn who says rest and it will get better which makes me feel worse as its not getting better it's getting worse.

There are pedants around - but I'd hope even the worst of them would RTFT and give you some allowance for tiredness - if not ignore them.

Go back to your GP/cpn and tell them its getting worse and make it clear exactly why you can't just rest.

To be honest having building work done now was not "a good idea".

I'm not surprised you are crying a lot - your hormones are all over the place (it takes 2 years to recover from child birth) and you are sleep deprived.

I would really like to give your DP a piece of my mind, but...

The building work isn't our choice our neighbour managed to flood us repeatedly for 7 weeks so the ceilings needed replaced and the problem fixed as we had mould growing.

I will try and get another appointment I only just saw the cpn and gp last week I told them the dc don't sleep the cpn said that won't last forever they will sleep so not sure what she would suggest or just send me on my way.

I went to my bf group to get away, I'm back home the workmen are gone but the house is a tip and dust everywhere so will need to clean that.

Just a quick update Dp helped last night although i was up to as dc2 wouldn't settle (teething) so there's some improvement at least he was up.

Dc1 had a home therapy session today and they spotted my mood being low so are going to try get dc1 more hours at nursery and contact our local disability team to see if they can provide any help for dc1.

I'm so glad someone is helping you monkey and that your oh at least got up. Onwards and upwards :)

Please get back to your GP and CPN as it very much sounds as if you're suffering from post-natal depression which, coupled with lack of sleep, is pushing you to the edge.

If your dp doesn't understand that he needs to step up to the plate and be a hands-on father, perhaps they can put him right.

Your dc don't 'deserve better than you'. They want and need you - and only you - as their dm so please don't fall into the trap of thinking they'll be better off without you as they WON'T and never will be.

Why are you having to 'empty the bedroom' and why didn't your dp clean up after the workmen before you got home?

How long can your dd be left with dp before she needs feeding? If you express milk will she take a bottle?

I agree you need to see your GP and quickly. You are not alone; your GP will see cases many times of similar things and should be able to help.

I have an appointment on the 7th with the gp he is trying to fast track a psychiatrists appointment but the waiting lists are long, cpn isn't due out until the week after.

I have a few hundred ounces of expressed milk in my freezer dc2 wouldn't latch so I had to express for months until we got there.
Dp doesn't like giving bottles he says it to much hard work to defrost them and get them to room temp I have offered but he doesn't want to.
Dp can't clean when he has either dc he says he never has time they always have his attention.

I just feel like I've asked to much to often it's now at the stage if I ask again anyone from help they will be annoyed, I'm just hoping the kids sleep tonight as Dp says he can't help tonight as he's just left and won't be back until midnight, he might help out tomorrow morning if he gets sleep or I do stuff for him, I can't really disagree right now I don't feel awake right now with no energy to question anything or anyone if I let him do what he wants now it's one less stress on me and maybe his anger he's having lately will stop as I already feel like a failure I don't want to hear it everyday, I know in my head it's wrong I've just no energy to question him as its my fault for asking while I know it's not I do feel like it now.
He's been around when the crisis team have been out (3 times in the last 2 months I've falling under them) they say I need to sleep he didn't listen when they said it.
My hv said I shouldn't expect him to work to and take the kids out as I got upset as everytime the hv is here he asks if I've took them out alone as the first 2 months I think I couldn't my anxiety levels were high so I mentioned Dp hadn't either and he replied that he shouldn't be expect to everything is confusing I feel like I know what's right and wrong I just don't know how to be present in them and fix it all anymore.

Oh op, you are so ground down that you just can't see how unreasonable he is being. You need to keep asking and asking, no - demanding and demanding,until you get the sleep you need.

I can't emphasise enough, how bad he is being.
Get an emergency appointment with the gp and break down in front of them. You have reached crisis point. Do it for your kids, if not yourself. They deserve a mother who is not so sleep deprived and depressed, that she can't function properly.

Please keep asking for help. As said above you can get an emergency appointment. Please don't wait until the 7th - that's far too long.