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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH Says I have issues

37 replies

Blackabyss · 21/08/2015 20:03

I've name changed for this so it's not linked to my usual posting name.

There is something that DH does that really upsets me. When I brought it up calmly a few months ago explaining how it makes me feel he got very angry, called me all sorts of names etc. I stopped saying anything or outwardly reactingso that I didn't upset him any more but the feelings of discomfort and upset haven't gone away. Now when he does it I end up having to cut myself to release the bad thoughts.

Last night I was weak and begged him not to do it. Today he did it again but caught me cutting myself. He carries on with our teenage baby sitter, play fighting and tickling. Lots of shrieks and laughs.

He now says he has to, I'm no fun, I'm unfair trying to stop everyone else from having fun, the baby sitter will think I hate her etc. I've tried to explain I'm not against fun but begged him to find some other way to have fun. He's called me a weirdo says no normal person thinks the way I do. Says I need to go to the doctor and explain I'm against all fun. He's now walked out to go for a walk with the baby sitter.

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 21/08/2015 20:13

WTAF

He tickles a teenager? What?! What? On what planet is that normal. Can you tell us more about your relationship OP, you sound so unhappy (as would I be if I had to put up with that behaviour - am happily single - it is astonishing. Thanks

woowoo22 · 21/08/2015 20:14

Didn't mean to be facetious with the happily single bit, just meant to say that this is BONKERS and si inappropriate and fucking cruel.

scatterthenuns · 21/08/2015 20:16

He is gas lighting you. YOU are fine. He is the problem.

Guiltypleasures001 · 21/08/2015 20:16

Um if she's 16 of under its inappropriate where are her parents? Idea be telling them maybe reporting him as well.

Pack his stuff this is a bomb waiting to go off op sorry Thanks

pocketsaviour · 21/08/2015 20:19

How old is she? I would probably tell her parents if she is underage. How old is your DH?

clam · 21/08/2015 20:27

This is SO not right (his behaviour, I mean) that I'm thinking this must be a wind-up. Sorry if it's not, but that's how weird he is.

Original poster
Blackabyss · 21/08/2015 20:28

Shes 16 he's 38. Everything is just screaming inappropriate at me, that's why it upsets me.

Our relationship has been under strain recently because I've put on weight and haven't kept up with housework etc. I disgust him recent ly.

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 21/08/2015 20:29

It's not you, it's HIM.

Get rid of this piece of shite.

Original poster
Blackabyss · 21/08/2015 20:29

It's not a wind up I've been crying and cutting myself over it for months.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 21/08/2015 20:31

Do you have any opportunity to talk to her alone about how he's crossing boundaries with her?

He's more than twice her age, it's fucking disgusting.

My dad used to "tickle" me as a cover for sexual assault.

I think I'd have to leave TBH. Especially given his aggressive reaction to you questioning him.

Mrsjayy · 21/08/2015 20:34

Please get help speak to your gp or somebody about your self harming none of this is right he is carrying on with a young girl in front on you she is 16 he is nearly 40 abusing you and this girl you have young children you need to protect you and them you need help lovey

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/08/2015 20:35

No there is no problem with you. But why not verbally agree that you should go to the doctor to mention how upset a 38 year old married man tickling a 16 year old girl is making you feel?

Or..instead of wasting the doctors time, perhaps one of her parents could lend a helpful ear ....?

Nasty abusive gaslighting twat.

woowoo22 · 21/08/2015 20:36

OP this is awful. Can you confide in someone in your family or a friend? It is utterly disrespectful.

And I suspect that if you weren't subject to his disrespectfulness you might feel better about yourself and happy enough to do the housework (how much fecking housework does he do? what a fucker).

Also why has the babysitter gone out, why aren't they in your house?

GamerCh1ck · 21/08/2015 20:36

So he carries on with a teenager, you've asked him to stop and because he doesn't you cut yourself?

This relationship has gone bad and you need to split up. No man is worth cutting yourself over.

Wrongpath · 21/08/2015 20:40

Please get help for the cutting.

Original poster
Blackabyss · 21/08/2015 20:46

No I cut myself because he says I'm weird and my feelings are wrong.

OP posts:
elfycat · 21/08/2015 20:51

But he's weird and he's wrong'un.

It's not you and cutting yourself cannot make this better because it's not you

If my DH did this there would be all kinds of hell on earth breaking loose. I second going to your GP about the cutting (they will not judge you, believe me) and saying what's happening.

Either that or tell the poor girl's parents and stop her from babysitting any longer. She's being groomed by him, at the very least. Abusive to you, abusive to her. There's a pattern here.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 21/08/2015 20:54

There are lots of different 'issues' in your post but not in the way your DH implies.
He is behaving incredibly inappropriately. You are trying to maintain reasonable boundaries and he's riding roughshod all over them. For everyone's sake, you need to find a new babysitter. What would happen if you got a different babysitter next time instead?
The other issue is your DH being an EA twat by pretending you have the problem rather than him.
Then, there is the fact that you're cutting to try to manage the pain of this relationship. Is there anywhere you can turn for support with the cutting eg family; GP; counsellor?

Original poster
Blackabyss · 21/08/2015 21:00

Sorry about the short replies he's come back in so posting secretly.

OP posts:
category1 · 21/08/2015 21:07

He's probably shagging the babysitter.

Original poster
Blackabyss · 21/08/2015 21:08

Thanks category, that's one of the things I'm worried about.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 21/08/2015 21:11

Why is the babysitter at yours anyway

goddessofsmallthings · 21/08/2015 21:12

he got very angry, called me all sorts of names etc,

What does the 'etc' cover?

Make an appointment with your GP to get help for self-harming and make another one with a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law to discuss the fun your h is having with a 16yo babysitter and how you can wipe the smile off his face.

Don't book that particular babysitter again and have a word with her parents, preferably while she's present, about the fact that she's meant to be looking after the dc, not acting like one with your h.

If she's still out having walkies with your h, give her dps a call and tell them to take her home and put her in a crate.

Original poster
Blackabyss · 21/08/2015 21:12

She's started hanging about even when we're in. I feel we have no private time together.

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 21/08/2015 21:14

This is so wrong OP. What a fucking twat he is.Thanks Brew Thanks