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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH Says I have issues

37 replies

Blackabyss · 21/08/2015 20:03

I've name changed for this so it's not linked to my usual posting name.

There is something that DH does that really upsets me. When I brought it up calmly a few months ago explaining how it makes me feel he got very angry, called me all sorts of names etc. I stopped saying anything or outwardly reactingso that I didn't upset him any more but the feelings of discomfort and upset haven't gone away. Now when he does it I end up having to cut myself to release the bad thoughts.

Last night I was weak and begged him not to do it. Today he did it again but caught me cutting myself. He carries on with our teenage baby sitter, play fighting and tickling. Lots of shrieks and laughs.

He now says he has to, I'm no fun, I'm unfair trying to stop everyone else from having fun, the baby sitter will think I hate her etc. I've tried to explain I'm not against fun but begged him to find some other way to have fun. He's called me a weirdo says no normal person thinks the way I do. Says I need to go to the doctor and explain I'm against all fun. He's now walked out to go for a walk with the baby sitter.

OP posts:

Humphriescushion · 21/08/2015 21:14

No it's not right and you are right to feel uncomfortable with this. Don't let him make you feel that it is you who is wrong about this.

category1 · 21/08/2015 21:17

Yes, sorry, I know - but it is highly likely. But you're internalising and hurting yourself - he's trying to normalise very inappropriate behaviour, gas-lighting you. Step off his carousel.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 21/08/2015 21:20

You definitely need to speak to her parents. Then dump him and see your GP. It isn't you xxxx

Mrsjayy · 21/08/2015 21:24

You need to tell her to leave now go in and say its time for you to go home

Wolpertinger · 21/08/2015 21:45

It isn't you, it's him.

You would feel 200% better on your own

coveredinsnot · 21/08/2015 21:53

You shouldn't have a 16 year old hanging out at your house - it's weird. It's all inappropriate. Don't take this out on yourself - trust your emotions, they're telling you something very important! Your partner sounds manipulative and emotionally controlling and incredibly invalidating. He should be concerned, worried, fretful, upset that you're cutting yourself, not using it as further evidence of you not being quite right or whatever. Get away from this man as quickly as you can! And please tell the babysitters parents that you no longer need her services any more. I'd be very surprised if they haven't already done something as it sounds like real teenage flirting going on. Poor you but definitely time to start trusting your emotions.

SugarOnTop · 21/08/2015 23:54

tell her to piss off home! then find a different babysitter. sounds like he's trying to groom her.

AskBasil · 22/08/2015 00:12

He's an abusive man and you're in an abusive relationship.

He's gaslighting you and he's grooming her. Tell her parents.

I'd advise you to go to your GP and/ or call Women's Aid or MIND to get help with your self-harming. You need to get away from this man, he is making you unhappy and ill.

Cabrinha · 22/08/2015 00:38

Fucking hell!
He is abusing a child in front of your eyes. If course you have bloody "issues" with that!!!
Play fighting a tickling - come on love, you know that's inappropriate. Actually inappropriate seems such an understatement.

What he is doing is WRONG.

It's wrong to you, but it's also wrong to her. She's a CHILD. That's why she's hanging around and going out for walks with him - because she's an impressionable CHILD.

Talk to Women's Aid, talk to your GP, talk to a solicitor and work out how to end your marriage.

He is DISGUSTING and abusing both of you.

Cutting is a perfectly valid response to the sort of extreme stress you're under. It may not be a helpful response, but it's not cos you have issues it's because he's pushed you to the limits.

Do her parents know she's out for a walk with him? It's his fault, not yours - but honestly I'd go fucking nuts at you too for turning a blind eye to the abuse if it were my daughter.

I can only assume you're utterly ground down by this cunt to leave this girl exposed to him.

Go to your GP, first step. Tell then about the cutting, the abuse from him AND what he's doing to this child.

ARV1981 · 22/08/2015 05:52

I think you should tell the police as well. He's abusing a child in front of you. That's appalling. You need to stand up to it and stop it.

Get help from your GP, solicitor etc as suggested by others here, but please he needs to be reported for this. He is a danger to teenage girls and needs to be stopped.

WishIWasWonderwoman · 22/08/2015 06:08

Please, please, please tell this babysitter's parents as soon as you can. At the very least your husband is touching her inappropriately, more likely he has been grooming her for worse. He may have gone quite far with her if he is willing to tickle/touch her in front of you.

Please also go see your GP.

If you are struggling to see your GP please call women's aid at the very least.

All the warning signs are there. Your husband is in the wrong not you.

paulapompom · 22/08/2015 12:57

OP agree with good advice given by pps ^

PLEASE let you gp and the girls parents know what is going on. This will help you understand that your feelings are totally normal and valid and hopefully will stop his 'relationship' with this girl, who is little more than a child.

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