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Original poster

I don't think this is normal - is it?

29 replies

ScotOatsAndWires · 21/08/2015 16:01

Ds is 4 months old and I've noticed my dm will never call me 'mummy' when speaking to him. You know how you might say Where is mummy going?' etc, she says 'Where is mum?' And tries to teach him the word 'mum mum mum'.

I know that seems like nothing but it annoys me because I thought most people say 'mummy' when speaking to a baby or young child.

Then a few days ago I heard her teaching him my first name. Also i have heard her call to herself as mummy (like 'come with mummy') a couple of times but I put that down to a slip of the tongue as most of the time she says grandma. However, since hearing her trying to teach ds to call me by first name I'm starting to get concerned.

OP posts:
BolshierAyraStark · 21/08/2015 16:19

No not normal & not ok, have you spoken to her about it?

moggiek · 21/08/2015 16:22

Not what you want, so you have to say so.

wickedlazy · 21/08/2015 16:23

Doesn't seem normal imo? I would be a bit weirded out. Do you have a mutual family member you could talk to? Someone that knows you both well irl and would be a better judge if her behaviour is a bit off or not?

FortyCoats · 21/08/2015 16:24

Whether it's normal or not can't be decided based on your OP alone.

There could be a perfectly good reason for the things she's done. Or - she could be upto something malicious.

What's your relationship like with her? What's the background? Have you spoken to her about it?

Supermanspants · 21/08/2015 16:24

Er..... no. You need to nip this in the bud.

LadyNymeriaGhost · 21/08/2015 16:24

My mum taught DD mine and DHs names. I very quickly put her straight! She's weird though. She refuses to call my DSis Auntie X, even when reminded, and refers to my MIL as Grandma X, when she was asked to keep first names out of it. It's annoying, isn't it?

FortyCoats · 21/08/2015 16:25

She could be starting with 'mum' because it's only one syllable for instance?

wickedlazy · 21/08/2015 16:35

Her teaching your name could be she was sick of going "say mum, come on say mum" so changed tack. But that's unlikely.

What makes it or breaks it is if she is refering to herself as mummy on purpose or by accident. Why mummy for herself but mum for you? If she was accidently refering to herself as mum, it wouldn't seem as odd.

venusandmars · 21/08/2015 16:52

I have to say that when my first dgc was born I found it a bit odd to call my adult daughter "Mummy" - to my mind that was what the small-child 'me' called my Mum. It took a bit of getting used to, and for a while I would say "where is your Mum".... But then I'm not keen on the way hv etc say 'how is baby?' How is mum doing?' etc

I also found it odd to change how I referred to a couple of 60 year olds adults, people who I had know by their first names for years, to start calling them granny. As if they had lost their identity and become some kind of generic grandparent.

I have also on occasions got very muddled with dgc names, and my name - I've called the dgd the names of my dc, dsis (and even my dh), referred to myself as mum, used a 'grandma' name that is not the one the dgc call me. Certainly none of it indicates that I am unclear about who the parents of my dgc are, nor is it some weird desire to have the children as my own. I'm just a bit old Smile

OP presumably if your child is talking they already have pretty secure attachment with you and a couple of random instances of your Mum calling you (or herself) 'Mum' are not going to change that or confuse your dd. At her age she will soon learn to say: woof, dog or doggy, and understand that they all refer to the same thing.

MarianneSolong · 21/08/2015 16:57

In the beginning my daughter called me 'Daddy'. She had one name for a parent and that was it. Or - pretty much until she went to the nursery unit of her primary school she'd call me Marianne - because that was what my stepchildren called me.

Didn't bother me. She was my daughter. I was her mother. (I felt secure enough with that.)

shovetheholly · 21/08/2015 16:58

venusandmars Grin Grin Grin at your post. Reminds me of my cockney DGM (now dead) who regularly used to fire off 'PaulBrianGrahamPaulBillGraham - Lawks I have so many kids - 'ERE, YOU!'

venusandmars · 21/08/2015 17:03

Oops! Your ds. Sorry.

Original poster
ScotOatsAndWires · 21/08/2015 17:36

Sorry if I wasn't clear, he isn't speaking yet but is making sounds. I don't think he knows I'm mum or mummy.

I'm not worried about him getting confused just find it weird that everyone else calls me mummy to ds (not to me - I'd find it weird if adults didn't call me by my name unless talking to my ds!), but she calls me mum and then that she has called herself mummy a few times. Neither of those would bother me if she hadn't tried sounding out my first name to him.

When I heard her doing that, I did stop her. She didn't say why she did it, just spluttered a bit, but she did stop.

OP posts:
Garrick · 21/08/2015 18:04

tries to teach him the word 'mum mum mum'. - I think this is normal. It's very easy for a baby to say, and most parents get excited when their little one first pronounces 'mummum' and 'daddad' in roughly the right direction :)

I'm not at all clear on why the rest of your mother's behaviour is unnerving you. Perhaps there are other, almost imperceptible, signs of wanting to displace you that are adding up to a general picture. Alternatively, it could be normal PFB anxiety. Can you let it slide for a while and see what develops?

I'm assuming you called her Mummy when you were little; this is by no means universal, so your original question only makes sense if it was normal in your family.

Original poster
ScotOatsAndWires · 21/08/2015 18:15

No this isnt pfb anxiety in the slightest (nor is it insecurity). I was asking if this sounded normal to others as I wasn't sure. Yes in my house it was mummy until we were older. My dm would say to her great nephews and nieces 'mummy and daddy' when talking about their parents.

She (my dm) was saying dada and daddy for my dh, whereas 'mum' for me. That was fine, I found a bit irritating but accept it isn't a big deal. As I said the times she has accidentally (I hope) called herself 'mummy', again I let that go. However, trying to make a 4month old call it's parent by their first name, I think that's odd behaviour. Clearly some other poster's agree with me.

The issue is not that my ds might end up calling me 'sarah' but that I think my dm's behaviour is odd.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 21/08/2015 18:18

It is odd. Are there any other concerns that you have? Does she seem controlling over your baby in other ways?

Original poster
ScotOatsAndWires · 21/08/2015 18:30

Thank you! I was starting to think it was me.

I don't know about controlling behaviour really. Once he was screaming in his Moses basket, he was about 4 weeks and she was telling me to leave him and rocking the basket, and sort of blocking me from getting to him. She wasn't properly blocking me, but she wasn't moving out of the way when it was obvious I was trying to get to him. I think I said 'he's my child and I am going to pick him up' and then she moved, I picked him up and he stopped crying straight away.

That's the only obvious thing I can think of at the moment.

OP posts:
ImRonBurgundy · 21/08/2015 18:31

No, I don't think that sounds normal and I would find it strange too if I was in your position. Can you ask her about it and see what she says?

ImperialBlether · 21/08/2015 18:36

Everyone, this baby is 4 months old! Of course he can't speak!

My MIL used to pretend she was my children's mother - she liked to go out with them on her own and I knew damn well she was pretending they were hers. Grin She was about 60 when they were born.

One time my ex and I had taken my daughter out in her pram and found my MIL hurtling round the corner towards me shouting, "Mummy's here! Mummy's here!"

"Oh DH," I said, "your mummy's here."

Grin

OP, I think it's quite normal to expect unusual behaviour when there's a long-awaited baby in the family. People do get a bit odd. If your mum tries to control you in other ways, you will have to do something; if this is all she's doing, I'd just call her by the wrong name and see how she likes it.

Original poster
ScotOatsAndWires · 21/08/2015 19:05

Haha Imperial! That is funny, strange but very funny!

I won't do anything, just wanted to get other people's take really. Whenever she says 'come with mummy' or whatever, meaning herself, I go temporarily hard of hearing.

She lives with my 27 year old brother and she has always babied him but lately has got a lot worse in the tone of voice she uses when she speaks about him and the things she says. If you didn't know and overheard you'd think she had a son in infant school and I'm not exaggerating.

This thread has made me realise that this way of talking about him as if he is a mischevious five year old started with my ds being born. Hmm

OP, I think it's quite normal to expect unusual behaviour when there's a long-awaited baby in the family.

I think this is the answer.

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 21/08/2015 21:24

Does your brother loved being babied? I often think DP would still be happily being looked after by his mum if not for meeting me and having ds.

Hopefully that is your answer Grin babies make people a bit nuttier than usual!

NickiFury · 21/08/2015 22:09

I couldn't not say "you're NOT his Mum, why are you calling yourself that?"

springydaffs · 21/08/2015 22:18

Yes it sounds weird. I think your instincts are right.

LHReturns · 21/08/2015 22:41

Imperial that is hilarious!

My mother is a bit weird in a similar way....she lives abroad so we have to Skype with DS for her a lot. Every time she sees him it is 'oh MY baby'...'there's MY baby'....'I'm coming to see MY baby next week!!!!'.

And now I think about it, I can't recall her calling me Mummy very much either...another long awaited baby in the family....

ImperialBlether · 21/08/2015 22:54

Another day my MIL was staring avidly at my daughter, aged one month, when she said:

"Oh she's just adorable. She's so beautiful, so articulate (!), so clever. She has a beautiful figure (!). And she reminds me of someone..." (long pause) "Who is it? Who is it she looks like? Oh! She reminds me of me!"

Barking mad.

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