My friend and his wedding

[BlueNoon100]

Sorry so long
So one of my oldest friends I getting married next April. I'm delighted for him. However he has bitten my head off the two times his wedding has come up. I now feel like avoiding him til it's over.
First thing he barked at me about and actually left cafe we were in with me sitting open mouthed and hurt was that he said they were having a very casual do with friends and family at registry office but limited numbers, followed by dinner for close family only, followed by a pub style venues that holds 300 where it will be a paying bar, some finger food provided and dancing etc til late. Sounds great. So he said they won't be doing flowers or photographers or any of that and my offending remark was 'I'd say there'll be some good speeches tho' to which he replied 'no we're not doing all that traditional crap' and I said 'ok then but I bet your brothers will start making speeches when they get a few drinks into them'. He got furious and said I was really pissing him off and then left.
Second incident 2 months later during which time he was very cool and off with me was when he was saying venue will take 300 and I asked if I would be able to bring my friend X with me as I'm eternally single and hate always going I everything on my own. He said 'No. I'm not having X at my wedding'. He has no history with her just thinks she is boring. I was taken aback and said well it's your wedding of course but is it no plus ones or do you want to vet who is brought. He just said he wasn't prepared to discuss it and called for the bill and left again. I feel like he is being a shit. Has this valued friendship come to an end? He knows I've been having an incredibly difficult time with my DD and mental health probs but I never burden with that. I think he thinks I'm boring and annoying and wants rid. Feel hurt.

Yes sugar it does feel like I am losing people left and right and at a time when I would hope that people would have my back. I'm not a consistently needy person. In many ways I've been quite lucky so it's not like I'm forever dumping my troubles on people. But it's just terrible at the moment and several of the people who I would have thought I could depend on are really not there I also feel and maybe IABU here that when some selfish people know they are letting you down they sort of demonise you so that their shitty behaviour is more justified to themselves and others. I have been bewildered by the coldness I've experienced from some quarters to what feels like a majorly awful diagnosis of my child. It's a double whammy. Thanks for sharing your experience Sugar. I don't think it will be too hard to go low contact. I think that job may be done for me.
On the other hand two people have really stepped up and been wonderful. I guess times like this can really give you an insight into people's characters and if they love you. Thanks again this really helps to talk it out.

Oh you are absolutely right that selfish people do that - you're a terrible person for forcing them to acknowledge how shit they are! If it helps, remind yourself that their reaction is a reflection on them and not NOT on you.

Thanks odfod
I felt really miserable when I thought mumsnet was going down. I for one would be lost without it.

They do don't they Contessa?

Loved your post, sugar

Op, tell your 'friend' to pack it in. I mean it! Practise in the mirror..

He'll get the shock of his life! You could do it without the anger punch, just flat: pack it in.

I relate to all this. I still have some old friends, secured when all I knew were toxic relationships, who are a bit of a pita. I keep my distance, see them very irregularly. They aren't entirely toxic, hence distant contact. But it is so v clear they are a result of crap choices when I didn't know I deserved better.

Yes, how idiotic of you - getting counselling for abuse! I mean whaatttt, who says that?! I think you're quite right, they're afraid because you're dragging this dark stuff out into the sunlight and they don't want to deal with it. Well, that's your problem. You have the courage to deal with it instead of trying to shut it away.

The birthday thing is weird, they are choosing to celebrate it on an arbitrary date after the actual birthday (as a surprise ) but unwilling to find an arbitrary date everyone can do. Stupid.

Well, nothing to be done about the exams, so - meh. Don't worry about it.

Yes I have reread your post a couple of times Sugar it's exactly what I'm trying to express
I'll try springy I'm here thinking thru other shitty ways he has spoken to me that I've let go....as a PP said this is unlikely to be out of the blue behaviour. I only moved back here a couple of years ago and I may have contributed to this dynamic as was v grateful for friends so didn't just tell him to shove it as I now think I probably should have.
I'm sitting here debating whether to put in a CV for a more senior job. Applications need to be in by tomorrow. He actually told me not to bother as it was unlikely if get it - I actually don't have enough experience - but I'm thinking of sitting at computer and doing the application anyway. Can't hurt can it? Thanks for the understanding. It's very difficult to express as some posters understand without coming across as incredibly touchy and petty but it's actually a kind of systemic bullying....I think

Of course it doesn't hurt to apply! Gets your CV up-to-date (it sounds like you have to fill in an application form but you can take the content and use it to update your CV at the same time) and if nothing else it would be good interview practice. WTF does Bridezilla know about your chances of getting the job, do you work with him?

Yes tribpot. The only week of the year when I said I was definitely unavailable there's a bank holiday weekend two days after her actual birthday but my bully of a sister decided a month later would be more fun because it would be sunnier. So I did a round email again to reiterate that would mean we couldn't go. She emailed back no prob and then to everyone else 'yay it's booked!' Fucking hurtful esp as my Dd needs to be included and supported now more than ever. Oh fuck them. I've done my crying over that but she can get stuffed next time she wants me to mind her dog (who pissed all over my house) while she is on hold.

Sounds like my family!

Who I no longer see

No more years for me!

Bridezilla () has done this work for 15 years. I've just done a masters to retrain after kids etc and have only a years experience but have been promoted already so have new responsibilities this sept and I think could be in with an outside chance of this advertised job which would in fact be a permanent position in an excellent institution. He is freelance and says he's hate that kind of work but I'd love it and it would be a track to progress on it to a more senior role which I could never have imagined myself being capable of 5 years ago. I'm going to apply. It's an application form together with Cb and cover letter to be in by 5pm tomorrow.

TEARS ffs (how to ruin a punchline )

*CV

springy !
I can't believe how much better in feeling to have got this off my chest. Thank you so much for listening to me so kindly and carefully and not being dismissive at all

*I'm

OR years (of agony) come to think of it.

Go for that job! Yay!

And ditch the dead weight around your ankles bridezilla. Our friends want the best for us, not to keep us down xx

Good luck!

Job! Job! Job!

Ignore Mr Twatty! Ignore Mr Twatty!

Bridezilla's jealous!

you've got the skills, qualifications and desire so go for it

and sending you shooting 's for good luck!

Wow! I've got something in my eye. I'm truly touched by all the kindness and encouragement. I will report back tomorrow when I get application in. Thank you lovely mumsnetters

I'm lovely! And a MNer! So I'll say

IT'S A PLEASURE

Application in with 3 mins to spare! Thanks so much for encouraging me springy contessa sugar smiling and all others

Yo!