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Original poster

How much hope is there of meeting a suitable man at 41?

53 replies

Pinksparkle383 · 18/08/2015 21:23

I think I'm feeling fairly sorry for myself. I recently separated from my dh so possibly not the right time to meet anyone yet but just wondering, actually, really, is there much chance of me meeting someone I really like and who is could work out with at 41 (teen ds in tow)?
So lonely right now but just need to live with it.

Give me hope ladies!

OP posts:
UncertainSmile · 18/08/2015 21:27

I'm not a lady; I'd say there's plenty of time, however. Loads of relationships start at all stages of life, it just won't feel like that at the moment. You might well meet someone that you'd wish you'd met 20 years ago.

SWFARMER · 18/08/2015 21:30

My m divorced my dad aged 47. She found her next boyfriend 2 years later and was together 7 years. They split recently and she found another man 6 months later!! And they are match made in heaven. Very alike. Literally he is a man version of herself. She's 56. So of course you can find a man at 41 to make you happy

Savagebeauty · 18/08/2015 21:34

I've just met someone at 55.
Wasn't looking.
Wish I'd met him 30 years ago.... I divorced earlier this year.

FolkGirl · 18/08/2015 21:43

Well from my personal experience, I'd say no.

I'm 40 and I've been 'single' for nearly 3 years. In that time, I've had a few dates and 2 relationships of a few months each. Both very different men in pretty much every way.

The most recent man, I really connected with mentally, emotionally, intellectually... on every level we just clicked. But I didn't come in the young, pretty or slim package that he wanted. And that's what I'm finding over and over; that the men I meet are attracted to me in spite of themselves and, ultimately, it isn't enough.

I'm resigned to being single indefinitely now. If I'm not young, slim or pretty enough now, it's not going to get any better going forward!

Knightknight · 18/08/2015 21:45

There's plenty of time. Get back out there and have fun!

gatewalker · 18/08/2015 22:12

Yes, there is hope.

First, though, my sense would be to take some time after your separation, get to know yourself, find your own meaning and direction. It's usually at this point that someone comes along, because they're simply a mirror of the care and attention you are giving yourself.

Original poster
Pinksparkle383 · 18/08/2015 22:14

Very good point. I think I need to try and embrace single life. It's quite difficult though when you feel so low.

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 18/08/2015 22:18

Single life can be fun.

You now have lots of time to devote to existing hobbies and developing new ones. That's the advantage!

Purpleball · 18/08/2015 22:23

I met my soulmate at 38. I'm now 41, married to him and pregnant with dc1

BikeRunSki · 18/08/2015 22:23

My DB and SIL met at a mutual friend's 40th birthday party, they are both older than the mutual friend. SIL had a 6 year old in tow...

DM was widowed at 50, and has not been short of male company. "New" partner moved in 10 years ago.

Lucy90 · 18/08/2015 22:24

My mum left my twat of a father when she was 40. I was 14 my brother 16. She met my lovely stepdad at 42, they got married when she was 46 and are very happy.
My stepdad took me and my brother on as if we are his own kids and i adore him.
Dont get yourself down, you never know what the future brings!

elliepac · 18/08/2015 22:41

I am 39 so practically the same age. Finally left my rubbish marriage with a man who I now recognise was emotionally abusive last year. I thought the same as you initially although revelled in being a single woman again (with 2 children 12 and 10). Early this year I started online dating, as a consequence of this I have met DP who is, as another poster suggested was possible, the man I should have met 20 yrs ago, he is my soulmate. He too has children of a similar age and therefore understands the importance of mine and we are just now beginning to introduce the children into the relationship. He is Everything that ex was not and have fallen madly in love with him. So yes embrace the sense of self and freedom that being on your own can bring but on the other hand do not give up hope.

Honey2006 · 18/08/2015 22:56

I met the love of my life when I was 44. Eight years of a dreadful relationship, I met him through online dating. He's fabulous and we are so happy together. I also met a lot of v nice men in online dating. I think it's easier to find someone in your forties because the pressure to have children or not is removed. Don't give up hope!

DanFmDorking · 18/08/2015 23:01

Do looks count?
Me? well, I know where gravy comes from.
When we have a date, my parole officer says I have to be home by 9pm.
I try to give the voices in my head a part in all my decisions.
Oh that? The doctor said it would be fine if I just carry on using the cream.
... and anyway, what did you think of the coalition government?

RainbowFlutterby · 18/08/2015 23:06

I met Mr Right when I was about 38, but we became a couple not long after my 41st birthday. (And about 6 months after my divorce!)

loveareadingthanks · 18/08/2015 23:25

Pah! 41 is nothing. All this chat about women over 40 having a tiny chance of finding new relationships is women-hating Daily Mail baloney. People of all ages get together.

Greenlandrover · 19/08/2015 03:04

43 when I met my current boyfriend. I had two children under 3.

I'd left a DV LTR a few years before we started dating, and it's been about 3 and a bit years now and he's the most decent man I've ever known in my life.

I was living a relatively solitary village life and had no social life at all. One day my newly seperated sister brought her new platonic friend round to my house and that was the start of a year long crush for me until we had our first date.

niceupthedance · 19/08/2015 07:24

I'm 41. The biggest issue I have noticed is not having many to choose from, as it's the age when men are either finally looking for someone to have children with, or have been down that road and want to spend a few years having no strings sex.

OllyBJolly · 19/08/2015 07:37

Met my DH when I was 44. He had never married, no kids, solvent, gorgeous, made me laugh and we've been laughing for the past 10 years.

I had two beautiful, perfectly behaved little girls who had both become absolute teenage horrors when we met and he accepted all that, never judged, never got involved. They both adore him.

I feel I should say it hasn't all been perfect but it has been pretty close. I do feel tremendously lucky most of the time

IfNotNowThenWhen · 19/08/2015 09:34

Loving these. Smile of course it's Daily mail style woman hating to think that no one would want a 41 year old woman. Most women I know that age are beautiful, funny, laid back (past all that why didn't you text me stuff and have their own lives) and know a thing or two about sex!
The thing is, when we believe we are worth nothing, we attract men who ultimately agree with us.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 19/08/2015 09:35

I just thought of that last sentence btw, it's not from a cheesy self help book! GrinTrue tho

SuperFlyHigh · 19/08/2015 09:41

I'd like to say you can but I'm 43 (nearly 44) and what's out there is less or they want kids...

IfNotNow - I agree with you're 'worth nothing' quote but there are so many men (the one I met last week) who are tosser alerts so you can believe all you like but if they're after one thing nothing will stop them.

Mimigolightly · 19/08/2015 09:51

You have every chance - if you put yourself out there! You're never going to meet a man just sitting at home so why not try online dating?

I met my fantastic DP when I was 41 through online dating. I was searching for a year and had to kiss a fair few frogs before he came along but he was worth it.

hellsbellsmelons · 19/08/2015 09:52

I separated from my ExH at 40 and met my current OH at 42.
We have a good relationship and love each other.
I have a teenager in tow as well.
Of course there is hope. There's always hope.
Give yourself some time though. Find yourself and then get out there.

FolkGirl · 19/08/2015 09:59

It doesn't matter how much you value yourself, or how much you think you're worth, though. It's not gling to improve the quality of the men you meet, or increase the number of decent men, or change what they're looking for. It only means you're not going to be fooled by them.

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