My husband is a part time musician, playing in pubs and clubs a couple of times a month to supplement our income. We have a 2yo DD and have been married three years. Usual stuff, he's a lovely man, a great dad, treats me well, etc...
When I first met him, he had some binge drinking issues. In part, this was because of the drinking culture in the music industry where it's common to have free beers all night for the band, or an appreciative fan will buy rounds for the band, etc. He also drank a bit on the sly - when we first lived together we shared a flat with someone who liked making cocktails and had a big stock of spirits. Over the weeks, I watched the levels in those bottles drop and I heard the alarm bells peal.
Early in our relationship I told DH that, as the child of an abusive alcoholic father, I couldn't be with someone who had alcohol problems. I made it really clear that I was worried about his drinking and he was FLABBERGASTED. He really honestly didn't recognise that he had a problem. He went to counselling and talked it through and realised that he was using alcohol to self medicate for anxiety as well as the usual boundary issues with alcohol. He went on meds (not sure exactly which one) and had a long course of CBT and also hypnotherapy. I was so proud of him and we got engaged, then married. Even at our wedding he drank a couple of glasses of champagne and nothing else.
It hasn't been completely smooth sailing since, booze-wise. There's been the odd evening out where he's had more than I am comfortable with. A friend's wedding last year where they had an open bar springs to mind - he didn't get legless but he was pretty drunk and I was pretty mad. If we ever do buy beer or wine (rare) he has a hard time not drinking it. He will drink six beers in an afternoon easily.
Last night he played a pretty big gig, fairly high profile and lots of his musician mates there too. I was home with DD, went to bed as usual and was expecting him home at 1-2am. But I woke up at 5:30am and he wasn't next to me. I jumped up and looked but his car wasn't outside. I texted him and got an immediate reply, "home in 5, really really sorry, will explain when I see you x".
He came in, sheepish and shame faced, with sick all down one leg of his trousers, with abject apologies repeating on a loop. His story is, he'd had a beer too many to drive home, decided to hang out with his mates for a while and then sleep in the car, then got peer-pressured (he's 38!!) to have a go on someone's joint, had a bad reaction to it and spewed everywhere, then staggered off and slept under a bush (!) until 5am when he woke up and started driving home, getting the text from me enroute.
Obviously, I'm furious and let down and upset. I don't know what to do now. I told him I'm considering my position and whether I want to continue the marriage. He looked shattered when I said that. I'm also a bit worried he hasn't told me the whole story. He's got form for bending the truth to put himself in a better light if he thinks he can get away with it.
What should I do?
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Out all night
38 replies
TropicalHorse · 15/08/2015 22:28
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