This is going to be a long one so I apologise in advance.
I don't know if I'm in the right place for this, I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year. When we met, he was attentive, caring, affectionate both physically and emotionally. He left me in no doubt that he wanted to be with me, when I spoke he listened, when I didn't he'd ask me questions to learn more about me. This continued for about 6 months, we had such a good honeymoon period, then, he began to change.
It went from him texting or calling me (evenly balanced) to me always texting or calling, often he won't reply or answer the phone. I'm always the one arranging things and mostly we just stay in, he doesn't want to go out, a few months ago he told me he's sinking back into a depressive state (he's been depressed twice previously) I asked him what I could do and he told me nothing, he asked me not to try and help him or it could cause problems.
I'm sure it's his depression that's changed him, he hardly speaks to me anymore, when I do speak I'm told what I'm saying isn't interesting, his favourite question is "is what you're about to say going to interest me" and then I'll be told a more interesting story from his life. If I try to start a conversation I'm told he doesn't want deep conversations, I've seen him texting another woman we both know, she keeps asking how he is etc but he keeps saying she's asking him for favours. He says this a lot, and I know he's lying to me, he says there's another girl who texts him bothering him but, again I know it's a lie (when he's been drinking he's honest and tells me the truth) We aren't having sex anymore, which I understand is a side effect of depression, he's not on any medication, nor is he seeing a counsellor or equivalent. He's told me he's busy most days this week so I've had to leave relatively early each morning, yesterday I left then about an hour later had to drive past his house (it's on a main road) and his car was still outside, he told me he was leaving straight after me.
I love this man, and I know he loves me. He will do anything for anyone usually. I know this is the depression but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I feel like a burden in his life and by wanting to see him I'm adding to the pressures in his life. He keeps telling me I seem to have a lot of drama in my life recently (I don't) and that he used to like I had no drama, I talk to him about a situation that upsets me and I'm told I'm making him feel pretty shit.
Can anyone offer any advice how to support him and give him his space without losing him? He's begun to make me feel so crap when I'm with him and I don't want this to cause a rift between us. The fact he has depression doesn't scare me off, they fact he's building this wall and blocking me out but not others makes me think we could be close to the end.
I've tried not texting or calling, he then doesn't text or call, I've tried calling him out on it and I got told his life was shit and that I shouldn't give him an ultimatum.
This is overflowing into my other relationships in life, I'm constantly thinking of him wondering how to make this better and what form of him I'll be seeing later that evening.
I don't know how to fix this, I know I can't fix him and depression takes time, but how do I make sure our relationship becomes stronger for this?