If you negotiated with the CSA on behalf of your husband today/yesterday because of his arrears, read this.

[Bogeyface]

You disgust me.

You were the person who actively encouraged him to stop contact with his DD because you were jealous of me, and enabled him in avoiding paying maintenance for her.

You then went on to have 3 daughters with him and plead poverty whenever his arrears caught up with you, ignoring the poverty you put DD and myself into each month that you didnt pay. Funny how "think of the children!" didnt include his oldest daughter isnt it?

Today I found out that he named you as his advocate, which is a massive slap in the face under the circumstances, and that the CSA have agreed to cancel the deduction from earnings order based on your bleating. Thank you.

DD gets 3 months with no payments and you get 10 months to pay it back. I hope you are proud of yourself and I have no doubt that you do better by your own three daughters.

I had clung to the hope that one day he would do to you what he did to me, but that is looking remoter by the day. So all I have now is the knowledge that you are married to a man who who is so morally bankrupt that he cheerfully abandoned, physically, emotionally ^and financially, his daughter and that you are happy to be with him. You really musnt think much of yourself if you are happy to settle for that.

He is the villain here, I know that. But given that I found out tonight that you dared to stalk my DD on the internet and accidentally sent a (quickly removed) friend request on FB, I now offically hate your fucking guts and hope that you suffer exactly what you put us through. How DARE you look her up? She has lived 15 of her 18 years without you or him poisoning her life, she has no interest in him and less in you. You are nothing to her, and she is nothing to you so stay the hell out of her fucking life. Her daddy and I love her, and she loves us. Her Daddy may not be her bio father, but he has been there for her every single day and even though we are no longer together, treats her and loves her as his own. So fuck off and tell that joke you married to fuck off too.

I am posting this well aware that many MNers will tell me to move on, keep my dignity etc, but I need to say this to you and I am 99% sure you are on here, I have spotted your posts and I am utterly sick of the shits you keep taking in my daughters life.

Thanks again.

Feeling a little more Zen about it now, and I managed to fight the urge to send her an utterly vile message on FB which, for me, is a huge achievement, I tend to hit send first, think second.

When I was alone in the car I went off on another "How could they do that?! How dare she stalk my DD..." for a bit, but thats about all. Although it was outloud and a bit shouty, I must have looked like a lunatic!

The injustice of their treatment of her has been background noise in our lives for 15 years and occasionally something like this will bring it to the fore again, but it will fade I am sure. I am so proud of her, she works so hard and despite not being a natural academic, will be going off to Uni next year. She has worked so hard for her achievements, when you are not naturally academic you need to work harder than everyone else to get the same results, and she has, she has managed to outstrip far more able students simply with her determination to succeed in the career she has chosen. :)

She is incredible and I have to say that I am so happy that she doesnt have to share any of the credit for that with her arsehole sperm donor.

Oh and I will be emailing the complaints team, I had already planned to do so but I will give it a few days for the anger to dissipate a bit more first. I got so mad I put the phone down on the stupid cow at the CSA who decided to cancel the DoE so I may need to calm down a bit before I do anything official.

Thank you all xx

Yes, it pays to calm down enough to make the point across, but leave enough for strong assertiveness. :)
Think about the main arguments you want to put forward and make a list if necessary.

So...phone call made, complaint registered. Now I just wait 2 weeks, call them back and they tell me that they have no record of the complaint, I go into orbit and we start all over again.

Can you tell I have been here before?

Another annoyance, despite me telling them many many times and being registered on the system with my own surname, I am STILL getting letters from them with HIS surname. I am not married to that wank badger anymore, have not been married to him for 16 years, I do not want that name linked to me!

Ah well....onwards and upwards.

Bogey - yes, onwards and upwards. They are the most twatty of twats. Someone close to me had similar, don't want to out anyone, but her dds are all delightful and he has missed out big time. He'll be sorry when it's all too late. Have and and x