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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Mystery

44 replies

liz9010 · 10/08/2015 15:22

Does anybody know if my partner can access my messages via the computer from my I phone 5 ? He seems to have gathered a lot of information about me and my friends whilst I've had my phone with me . I can't work it out and it's making me uneasy not that I've anything to hide at all . He may know my iCloud password if he's clocked me putting it in but not my pin ? If there are any IT buffs out there I would appreciate you helping me x

OP posts:

WallyBantersJunkBox · 10/08/2015 15:23

There is a techie section on here that it might be worth posting in?

Original poster

liz9010 · 10/08/2015 15:26

Thanks ??

OP posts:

SonceyD0g · 10/08/2015 15:26

Yes. Don't know how. My partner is an IT geek and has full access to our teenagers iPhone through his laptop. He doesn't use it but I know access is set up should it be required

Original poster

liz9010 · 10/08/2015 15:30

Great thanks

OP posts:

AnthonyPandy · 10/08/2015 15:33

I'm not techie at all but would changing all your passwords help? Or is that different?

FredaMayor · 10/08/2015 15:34

OP, is your iCloud account linked to his? If it is then he will be able to read your messages or emails if you've got them linked in the settings.
If you can pop into an Apple store they'll tell you if that's happening.

Another possibility might be a keystroke logger and that would have needed your permission if its to be legal.

Original poster

liz9010 · 10/08/2015 15:37

Sorry if I sound a bit silly but I am linked to him only in the way I have sent photos . I think he may have seen my apple I.d when I have casually been putting on an AP or iTunes this would be the only password but yes I will change it . Thx

OP posts:

ARV1981 · 10/08/2015 15:49

This happened to a friend of mine. Her ex used a keystroke tracker. He used it to screw with her head.

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2015 15:51

Is he the sort of partner you want to stay with, OP? He sounds horrible, just sitting there reading your private messages.

pocketsaviour · 10/08/2015 15:54

Have you asked him straight out how he knew various things? It would be interesting to watch his reaction.

I would go into the Apple store and say you think someone may have access to read your messages and ask them how to sort it. I don't know enough apple tech to advise exact steps but I would probably want to do a full system re-install on the grounds he may have installed a keylogger, along with changing all passwords.

Original poster

Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 16:10

Oh god what's a key stroke tracker ? This morning I asked him how he knew some stuff he said he had looked in my phone however he had no access to it or its pin

OP posts:

Ahemily · 10/08/2015 16:21

Alarm bells, OP. This doesn't sound good - you're entitled to your privacy.

bettyberry · 10/08/2015 16:21

Liz9010 If you both have phones/laptops/ipads on a linked icloud he can access your messages, photos and pretty much anything you have on your phone.

If it is your own account and you do not share it he has your passwords and/or details to the icloud. Log onto icloud and change your passwords, settings to remove any linked accounts and set everything to private etc

If you change those and he can still access them then there is a possibility he has installed and app on your phone that tracks these sorts of things. They do exist and its scary how easy it is to install. You can reboot/wipe your phone and start over to remove it if that's the case. A complete faff I know.

If you are not confident about any of that take your iphone back to apple. They'll double check everything for you and explain it too.

Lastly, a man who is tracking your phone is not a man you want in your life.

Ditch him.

faitaccompli · 10/08/2015 16:26

If you use imessaage and you have a mac, then messages on both your phone and your mac. I managed to get my son's imessage account linked to mine somehow, and we could see each other's messges which was a bit of a pain!

Original poster

Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 16:42

Oh god what is a key stroke tracker ? I asked h how he knew some stuff this morning , he said he looked at my phone as thought things were not right with me . I don't understand as he has had no access to it really

OP posts:

Original poster

Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 16:44

Sorry I posted something twice

OP posts:

Original poster

Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 16:51

Thanks all . Thanks for info and advice bettyberry feeling violate and a little sick

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2015 16:52

I'd take it into a phone shop or a computer shop and ask them to look at it, OP. I couldn't bear that invasion of privacy.

LovelyFriend · 10/08/2015 17:00

somehow all my texts and messages appear on DD's ipad - which I set up for her and although she now has her own AppleID/account, I did use mine initially.

I have no idea how to fix it/undo it - but clearly it is very easily done.

Original poster

Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 17:05

I will have a look at his iPAd as I am frightened my messages are still being seen

OP posts:

Redcherries · 10/08/2015 17:56

My daughter currently receives my calls to her mobile, we had a patch where our texts where all going to each others phones too. More often than not it seems to be my ipad that links to others devices. You need to check in your settings to see where your texts can be received.

Go to settings, then messages, then send and receive. Only your number should be ticked, if more than that are ticked then your messages are going to that number/device also.

HTH

Redcherries · 10/08/2015 18:00

Just to add my Ipad appears as the email linked to the Icloud account/apple ID. My Ipad receives all of my imessages and its on the Ipad that the email address is ticked.

Original poster

Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 18:08

Thank you I will try that now x

OP posts:

callMeMaybe · 10/08/2015 18:17

if you change your password then he will be asked for it if he has you linked to a different device. similarly though you can go into icloud settings on your phone and see which devices are linked, and then you can unlink all but your current phone...

Why do you think your dp may be checking your phone op? You say that he said that he felt something wasn't right with you. Has something changed which has made him suspicious? Often the advice on here if someone suspects their dp/h of cheating for instance is that they try to check their phone, even so far as going to lengths of getting sim readers and the like in some cases, so while I agree that snooping on this level is seriously horrible, there are plenty of people on mn who endorse it.

Fwiw I have been where you are and it's not nice. social media accounts were accessed/remote access tools used to see what I was doing etc and my phone was tracked to see where I was, but then he told me I'd been seen rather than admitting it, but hoped to catch me out. Oh, and I was having an affair apparently because I said someone's name in my sleep. (I wasn't).

Smorgasboard · 10/08/2015 18:20

Hmm... So you ask him and he says "I looked at your phone". Except, you are sure he didn't. But really, aren't your boundaries a bit skewed if he thinks that is valid to do too? OP there is something wrong with him if he thinks it's ok to snoop at your phone let alone the rest.
Unless you have a history of breaking his trust, I can't see why he'd be so open about snooping as if it's ok. Even then, what a way to live!

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