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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mystery

44 replies

liz9010 · 10/08/2015 15:22

Does anybody know if my partner can access my messages via the computer from my I phone 5 ? He seems to have gathered a lot of information about me and my friends whilst I've had my phone with me . I can't work it out and it's making me uneasy not that I've anything to hide at all . He may know my iCloud password if he's clocked me putting it in but not my pin ? If there are any IT buffs out there I would appreciate you helping me x

OP posts:
Original poster
Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 18:25

I bet this has caused a lot of privacy issues . I'm going to check the devices now as I couldn't see anything in settings x

OP posts:
Smorgasboard · 10/08/2015 18:26

On a practical level, change passwords to everything you can think of. Why not go into settings and turn your iCloud off all together - simple (shared an account with my son, for a while so had to have it off to avoid getting facetimed by his mates). Can't say it's a necessary function to have on

CallMeMaybe · 10/08/2015 19:12

agreed change all your passcodes and your passwords and your access pin on your phone as well. Once someone has snooped to this degree they lose the right to have any access to anything you do. IMO.

My phone is an open book as is my pc. My dp is free to look at it but he doesn't. If he did I would wonder why. My ex used to randomly help himself to my phone to e.g. look at tv listings etc and then it led on from there where he set up my fb account on his own phone plus my email and used remote access to check up on me during the day.

I didn't actually tell him that I knew, I just changed all my passwords one morning after he'd gone to work. Eventually after a week he confessed, and then said he'd realised nothing was going on so was planning to stop checking anyway. Hmm

Original poster
Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 19:31

Thanks yes have changed passwords now , I never thought , but my son has I phone too . Just closed the I cloud too . I only had a code to stop my little one from downloading rubbish onto it ???? . We have only been together three years and just recently moved in and he watches everything I do anyway which I made a joke of at one point but it's going over the line now . He is nosey at what all my friends are up to where as it's easier now to say I have no update on anyone and I think it was driving him mad .

OP posts:
Original poster
Liz9010 · 10/08/2015 19:46

Going back to previous questions I have no reason to make him think I'm having an affair , he just wants to know my every move , I got pissed off with it and stopped telling him and reporting back , so I suppose my behaviour has changed with him in that way but I told him why

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 10/08/2015 19:50

Why are you with him?

Ahemily · 10/08/2015 21:02

OP, that's awful. Sad He has no right to make you feel this way. Sorry, I know that's the not the original point of your post, but it's not right.

CalleighDoodle · 10/08/2015 21:10

Im late to this and was goig to say it is the apple id / icloud he can access.

However, he sounds really unpleasant.

Smorgasboard · 11/08/2015 13:22

Don't even think of having DCs with this man, then you will be handing him more control. After only 3 years and it's this bad! It seems that up to now you have been quite passive about it, but soon you need to challenge his ways so he understands it's not on, and it's his problem, not yours. Hopefully, the shut down on access will prompt a discussion about it all. Nobody likes confrontation, but this is big enough to need sorting out properly and cannot be brushed under the carpet.

Hissy · 11/08/2015 20:54

Bin him. Bin him today.

He is showing you who he is. It's ugly. It will get worse.

trackrBird · 11/08/2015 21:12

^^ what Hissy said.

This is controlling behaviour. It never improves.

OberonTheHopeful · 11/08/2015 21:20

Check: settings -> messages -> text message forwarding. (Controls sending text messages to/from a Mac signed in with the same AppleID.)

Also, if you're signed into any other devices (Mac, iPad) with the same AppleID then that device will automatically receive copies of any iMessages you send or receive on your phone.

AuntieDee · 14/08/2015 11:11

Just caught up with your update - I'm so glad you have changed passwords. Hopefully this will be the end of it but please check in as I'm a bit concerned that you haven't posted an update. We need to know he hasn't reacted badly to you tightening things up.

Christie1971 · 16/08/2015 14:13

Sorry everyone for not updating as I am now afraid this is being watched too . I'm ok though x

AnyFucker · 16/08/2015 14:22

it's OK ?

you mean you are dumping this inadequate fucker ?

LuluJakey1 · 16/08/2015 14:40

Christie That is awful. He has no right to do this to you. It says volumes about the kind of person he is.

My advice would be LTB. NOW. Just detach yourself emotionally, physically, financially. Never ever look bak and give him another chance. He is an unbalanced person, psychologically. This kind of behaviour usually goes with control and obsession.

LuluJakey1 · 16/08/2015 14:42

OP- have just realised you are posting under two names here. Did you realise that?

AnyFucker · 16/08/2015 14:51

I assume op name changed to get away from her obsessed "partner"

trackrBird · 16/08/2015 15:06

Get out of this relationship, please.
OK today isn't OK tomorrow.

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