Being deprived of sleep

[iamthesonandtheheir]

My P snores, really loudly. He will not go to the doctor about this and basically thinks that it is my problem. Also, more annoyingly, he asks me to go to bed with him at 10.30pm, which I have told him repeatedly is too early for me. And then I lie there listening to him snoring, getting more and more cross. If I wake him up to tell him to turn over, as he is snoring, he goes to sleep on the sofa, but then goes on about how tired he is all of the next day. If I try and go downstairs to sleep on the sofa then he immediately wakes up and says that he will go, but he starts muttering under his breath that he never gets any sleep etc.

So last night, when he said that he was going to bed at 10.30pm I said that I was staying up for a bit. I could hear him snoring from downstairs so at 11.30 I went and got in my son's bed (who is away at the moment). I had fallen asleep and was woken up by a really loud bang. My P then put the landing light on and then I heard him go downstairs and he was banging around. He then came back upstairs, opened my son's bedroom door and asked me why I hadn't come to bed with him. I told him that he was snoring (again) and that I wanted some sleep. It was half past one by this time.

Then he got up a 6am and started banging around again, the TV was on and he turned it right up. When he left he banged the door.

I am getting really, really fed up with having little or no sleep when I have to get up for work the next day. He's quite happy for me to lie there listening to him snoring but he will not volunteer to go downstairs, even when he wakes himself up.

He is loud anyway, during the day. If he sneezes he has to exaggerate it, he bangs doors, shouts to the cat to get her attention (particularly when I am watching something on the TV), shouts during normal conversation. He knows that I am not a morning person and he insists on endless chatter before he goes to work. I can't explain it but it feels deliberate, as if he is doing it on purpose.

For background we rent together and we have six months left before the tenancy is up. I am seriously contemplating leaving because I can't manage on so little sleep. This happens more or less every night.

Mine used to pretend not to wake me up deliberately. One morning, at 5am when he was off to pick up his son to take him to school, I watched him in the mirror deliberately wrattling and shaking coat hangers to make a lot of noise (because he thought he could legitimately excuse that as trying to get ready quietly). He also used to throw clothes on the bed on top of me, bang into the bed as hard as he could, sniff, cough, talk to the dog in a loud voice - none of which he thought I could blame him for. It is strange, but I now get a decent nights sleep every night, and I don't miss him at all ...

Oh - and he used to let the alarm go off 3 times every day, starting at 4.45am (I didn't actually have to get up until 7am). And if I woke him by telling him to get up as he was late, he used to shout at me for not telling him in a nice voice (despite my having been woken 2.15 hours before I needed to be awake ...)

I don't miss that, either ...

My recent ex was a dreadful snorer as well, and with me being a light sleeper it was not a good mix. I'd often retreat to the spare room to get a few hours decent sleep most nights.

His attitude was of course that it was me that had the problem by being a light sleeper and being unable to sleep through it, and I of course was also being unreasonable by not sleeping in the same bed as him.

He found it quite reasonable for me to have very little sleep quality coupled with a baby and getting up several times in the night to him as well.

He's my ex for a reason.

If I've got this right:

• Every evening he physically pins you down then falls asleep, and gets cross if you move and wake him.

• Every night he demands you go to bed when he says so, not when you want to.

• He snores loudly, which prevents you sleeping, but won't try to do anything to stop.

• If you sleep anywhere other than with him, he makes sure to wake you and be cross with you for not sleeping with him.

• The relationship is only good when you're doing exactly what he wants.

These are not the actions of a man who loves you and wants the best for you. He is selfish and completely unreasonable and it definitely sounds deliberate. Keep on with your plans to leave him and keep strong until the day you can. Plan carefully - you obviously think he's vindictive enough to stop paying the rent if you leave; he may try to stop you in other ways. Look after yourself and your son.