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Original poster

Man, 37 claims never to have been in a relationship. ???

45 replies

jezestbelle · 10/08/2015 09:22

Hi
I met a guy recently as an acquaintance through a shared interest club. He is goodlooking some would say very gl, good shape very kindhearted and likeable, has a good job with his own home etc. I was just curious as I ve recently got back in the saddle myself so to speak. Chap in question knows another man in the group well and this latter man told me the 2 of them were talking about relationships. The more recent joiner supposedly claimed never to have been in a relationship. He is not a player and doesn't seem to want to be neither is he gay although it wouldn't be inconceivable. I just do not see how he can be telling the truth but can't see his advantage in lying either. Wondered if anyone had come across someone like this before?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 10/08/2015 09:46

Why can't he be telling the truth? It's uncommon but not unheard of. I'd try and work out why though if I was getting to know him better and wondering about getting into a relationship with him. I've known 2 people single til their mid/late 30s. One (man) was very shy, stuttered and spent years researching rare moths and nursing his elderly father (not many chances to meet someone there). He has a partner now. The other (female) has a very fixed idea about Mr Right looks like and hasn't met him yet.

SamJohnsonsBoy · 10/08/2015 09:49

Yes. I have a male relative of 32 who's never been in a relationship. He says he's not interested in anything short term and hasn't found anyone he wants to settle down with yet. He's not gay (so far as I know) and has a number of female friends. They do exist.

derektheladyhamster · 10/08/2015 09:52

I've a couple of friends like this, one found his wife when he was in his late 30's online. The other now has a dog Grin

ScrambledSmegs · 10/08/2015 09:55

Yes, I know someone like this. He's a popular guy with loads of friends, just no interest in relationships. Or sex, as far as we all know. He's happy as he is.

Charis1 · 10/08/2015 09:59

maybe he is asexual?

Charis1 · 10/08/2015 10:00

I don't think it is unheard of, why should people have relationships if they don't feel that is a priority in their life? Or if they don't meet anyone they want a relationship with? or if they feel to shy to?

FungusTheBogeymam · 10/08/2015 10:03

The bloke who lives next door to me is in his 50s and never been in a relationship. He's a nice bloke, good looking enough, never been a player as far as I can see, just never been in a relationship. He's quite shy and enjoys his own company, and a relationship has never been a high priority. If he'd met the right person at the right time then I think it would have been different - a relationship landing in his lap, if you see what I mean.

But if you don't trust him enough to believe him now, that doesn't bode well even for a friendship, let alone a relationship, if that's what you're hoping for. And if you aren't looking for his friendship or a relationship, then it is no skin off your nose whether he's had relationships before or not, surely?

Salmotrutta · 10/08/2015 11:21

I know of a few people like this actually - local people who just don't seem to go out and about much and seem very quiet and/or shy.

Either they are content as they are or would really like to have a partner/relationship but can't quite find a way to do that.

It's not that unusual and maybe people should just let others live their lives without pondering and speculating?

Owllady · 10/08/2015 11:28

I don't think it's unusual either

mrsruffallo · 10/08/2015 11:28

Have you seen the 40 yr old virgin?

pocketsaviour · 10/08/2015 11:30

Apparently this is on the rise globally, especially in Japan.

The rise of the herbivore

Has this guy asked you out, or flirted with you? Or is it just friendly so far?

electricflyzapper · 10/08/2015 11:32

Not unusual at all. My brother is in his 50s. Good enough looking, solvent, own home, intelligent, loads of interests. Very active. Self employed, does loads of charitable/voluntary work. Has friends. Just never found the right woman.

Too set in his ways now, sadly, but I still live in hope that he will find someone to share his later years with.

CMOTDibbler · 10/08/2015 11:39

I know two men in their forties who have never been in a proper relationship. Both shy (though a great laugh when you get to know them) and a bit quirky - enjoy playing computer games, IT stuff, no social hobbies where you might meet people.

eurogoose · 10/08/2015 11:50

Is this the same bloke who's moving abroad soon?

sonjadog · 10/08/2015 11:53

I know a few, both male and female. They are nice, normal people. Maybe a bit shy and lacking in self-confidence. Also they are happy in themselves and finding a relationship has never been high priority.

Coffeemarkone · 10/08/2015 11:56

Yes I knew someone like this.
He committed suicide on Valentines day aged about 46 by throwing himself onto a railway track.
He was intelligent, interesting etc., but there was something deeply unsexy about him that one could not put ones finger on.
Poor friend.

Wrapdress · 10/08/2015 11:59

I'm female, early 50s, and have never been in a relationship. I do have a child though, now grown. I have always seen myself married in my 50s though - even in my 20s I saw this. There is something appealing to me about marrying a man and never having joint children.

Original poster
jezestbelle · 10/08/2015 12:09

Ok some great responses. He is.not the chap I know from work, no, very different people actually. I found the article about herbivores in Japan fascinating. I guess I am just interested as my exH had a very high sex drive which ultimately along with financial fecklessness did for our marriage. Most of the men I have encountered have led me to believe that having a female partner is the ultimate goal of most if.not all straight men. This guy seems not to be like that although I can't see into his head of course. I suppose it would add to my understanding of the opposite sex which is still rusty to know there are perhaps more functioning fully single by choice men than I thought. He has a great passion for music and spends his spare time following and supporting various bands and is always suggesting music to accompany what we do in the society. I don't mean to be judgemental of him and no, there is no evidence of him being interested in me in that way.

OP posts:
eurogoose · 10/08/2015 12:12

Yes OP I thought I remembered you post about someone same age, sounds very similar to this particular guy you write about here. What a coincidence!

This isn't some sort of reverse, is it?

Nabootique · 10/08/2015 12:15

Watching with interest as I am seeing a 34 year old who says he's never had a relationship.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/08/2015 12:20

It's perfectly healthy and not that unusual. Couple-relationships are not compulsory. Some people are simply not that interested in romance or sex, they have other priorities and good luck to them!
It's only a problem if the person in question is whiny, desperate and bitter about his/her single status, because that creates a vicious circle of putting off potential partners while increasing the desperatin.

sherbetpips · 10/08/2015 12:22

yep my BIL was 39 before he had his first proper relationship. He dated girls but never got into a serious relationship. Neither had his now wife. They married at 40, baby at 41, happily ever after.

Original poster
jezestbelle · 10/08/2015 12:24

eurogoose I don't know what you mean by a reverse exactly but if you are saying that these 2 are in fact the same person and I am just putting one person in 2 different scenarios then the answer is no. I can see the thought process behind the assumption I concede.

OP posts:
Mutt · 10/08/2015 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WitchofScots · 10/08/2015 12:30

I know somebody who is generally without friends and who has never had a relationship. He's lovely, thoughtful, fun to be with but has never met anybody who he's wanted a relationship with or who wanted a relationship with him. He'd make somebody a lovely husband one day, it does happen that some lovely people just never meet the right person.