domestic violence an social work involvement

[mumtoaprince]

hi im posting this for a friend she was recently attacked by her partner resulting in a concussion this happened after a night out so both were drunk and this was the first time its happened and he was arrested, social services came out to see her they checked her fridge, cupboard and kids bedrooms she spoke to her 3year old daughter and asked her to show her tooth brush and asked her if she was scared (kids were not in house when the incident happened) she also said that her youngest should not have a pillow in his cot even tho he's almost 2, she has also stated that her partner is not allowed in the house when kids r there and he has to be supervised by his mum when he wants to c them........... personally i think this social worker is taking things to far as she was the victim and she now feels like there making her out to be a bad parent....has anyone else had a similar situation????

ok my bad i must be an idiot

why must you be an idiot ?

because everyone on your thread doesn't instantly agree with your analysis of the situation ?

give over

Domestic violence doesn't begin with severe violence in public. It just doesn't.

It would seem you've allowed the concussion incident to cloud your judgement.

So many poor dc have slipped through the net that I'm immensely relieved to know that there are sws who leave nothing to chance.

If I had my way child protection would be better funded, sws would be better trained, and spot checks would be made for a least a year before cases such the ones you've described were deemed to be closed.

Far from being sarcasm, that's merely my opinion which you have solicited by posting on this public forum.

Why so defensive op?

OP, when there is physical abuse, there will often be others kinds of abuse. The social worker needed to be sure there was, for example, financial abuse which meant the children lacked basic essentials like, clothes etc.

It's really not a judgement on the ability of their mother. And she's been through a pretty shitty incident and must be feeling pretty scared and bewildered. She and needs to engage with the social worker because they can help her. And also, contact the links I posted earlier.

goddessofsmallthings i totally agree there r so many kids that get badly treated and it goes unnoticed but all i was wanting to no was if it was normal for ss to go round ur house and check everything because in my case they didnt so i was just looking more advise on the situation and to hear different points of view

wasn't not was

It's clearly normal practice as far as this particular sw is concerned and it's to be hoped that all child protection agencies have a similar checklist when investigating referrals from the police/emergency services.

Maybe the relevant regional authority/local council have revised their guidelines since you were visited by SS but, in any event, I don't see anything untoward about the dcs' home being thoroughly inspected after their dm has been concussed by their df or in the dc being spoken to by a sw.

Now you know that it's standard SS procedure and the reasons why OP. The only person who has victimized your friend is her violent partner.

Is she still with him? If so, you would be a better friend to her if you got her to focus her anger and sadness on him instead of being distracted by SS who are doing what they can to ensure that her DCs are safe and well cared for.

Your poor friend. Her partner's attack is shocking to read about and, as others have said, it is highly unlikely to be an isolated incident. It will either be an escalation of an abusive pattern of behaviour in this man or she has experienced seriously violent behaviour like this before but has not been ready to make that known to you/others. It is so easy for women to minimise and normalise abuse in relationships. She may not even always realise consciously how terribly she is being treated and that it will not stop until she takes powerful action- she needs to leave him, either for good or until he addresses his abuse and violence, which may not happen. It's particularly common for women to explain away attacks and minimise blame when alcohol or drugs are involved, like this somehow absolves the man.

The children will be affected emotionally, even if they do not witness such vicious attacks and are not on the receiving end of any direct abuse themselves. Mothers usually do not want to think about this as it makes them feel even worse. Social services play a vital role both in directly protecting children as required and, by their very presence as well as any recommended or ordered interventions, drawing the woman's attention to the fact that their situation is unequivocally not normal, that their partner is abusive and that action must be taken. This may feel earth shattering and like a further blaming process but it is not meant that way. It feels awful because women in this situation usually don't realise the full extent of their subjugation.

I really hope this is the start of your friend being able to leave this man.

Btw, it's completely standard for social workers to inspect children's rooms and the general condition of the house and speak to each child alone.

It sounds as though the SW has done everything according to best practice - perhaps your own situation arose when different guidelines were in force, or perhaps SW were too stretched to follow the same process, or the circumstances were different.

Your friend is not being punished or judged - SS are protecting the children. Your open hostility to the people who are trying to protect your friend's children from violence and abuse is not helpful to your friend; she needs to be able to access services which support her family.

There may be other information you are not party to which made the social worker more concerned - they will have called the school, if school said the children are often unkempt or dirty the SW would be looking for signs of neglect.

There may well be more to this than your friend is telling you.

And yes this is standard procedure by social services. When ex reported me (vindictive intent), they spoke to the children privately and looked in their bedrooms and asked to see their clothes and uniform. Yes it was humiliating but in a way reassuring as no further action was taken.

I was upset and angry at ex but not social services who were acting on information given to them and had to do their job.

My experience of this (sadly) with an acquaintance is that this is normal procedure up until the court hearing. The future of where the violent partner was allowed to live and contact etc was determined at the hearing, along with his sentence (which included referrals for managing his anger and alcohol consumption).

Is the court hearing quite soon?

Doris- the first time my ex hit me was in public- DV can have various patterns, you can't just say 'it never starts in public'.

OP I can understand why your friend feels judged. She has just suffered a traumatic physical and psychological incident. It's normal for her emotions to be all over the place at this point. A relationship breakdown is hard enough on it's own but throw in abuse, DCs, then ss involvement (which does still carry a stigma) I think it's understandable to appreciate how she feels. It's very well for posters to say 'ss are doing their job' but it still doesn't mean it's a pleasant experience.

OP, explain to your friend that although different sws will conduct such visits slightly differently, she shouldn't feel victimised. Lots of people are unaware of how differently ss/DV procedures have changed in recent years. Research has shown that DV (even if DCs aren't present at the time) is a significant risk factor to the DCs well being. It's a better system now that these things are chased up rather than when victims were ignored as 'just a domestic'. But it does mean that it can be a shock to a victim that after an attack, which they are still coming to terms with, they then have to be put through an assessment and have the stress & worry that their DCs will be removed.

It really sounds as if your friend needs some ongoing support from women's aid to talk about her feelings about all of this.

recently after an incident ss had to do an assessment at our house to , she checked the fridge/freezer cupboards etc kids bedrooms tooth brushes its standard she said they have a list of everything they have to go through she also spoke to my 8yr old [five yr old is disabled and non verbal ] both childrens schools checked we were registered with a dr and dentist. it was humiliating but i didnt blame the social worker or social services they have a duty to safe guard children there was no further involvement and the report was very complimentry on our parenting skills. etc.

linerunner she dropped the charges but he still has a court date at the end of the month any idea on what she should expect as the outcome

Well done SS

I hope your friend can very quickly &smoothly remove this violent man from her life and her children's
goodluck with helping her

It could be that they have decided there is a higher risk because she has dropped the charges - eg that she is more likely to let him back in the house compared with someone who persists with charges. That might be part of the difference between how your cases have been handled.

I can't remember if it's already been mentioned but when they were looking at the house they might have been working out if he was still living there.

I can foresee and outcome..She wants everything to go back to normal yet it can't..
I am sure you won't see it this way but I am glad it is still going to court. I think far too often it is put in the hands of the victim to decide whether to proceed although the evidence is already there

Why did she drop the charges?

OP, it depends if he is prepared to plead guilty and accept the referrals or not. Then he is likely to receive a community sentence not a custodial one, if it's his first offence. Rightly or wrongly, if his partner says she wants him home then he will likely be allowed home.

Then, sadly, the Police and social services wait for the next time to happen.

If it's not his first offence social services may already be considering child protection plans if he is going back to the home. Eventually they would apply for a court order to take the children into care if it keeps happening.

If she has dropped the charges then this is a red flag to ss.

They want to see that she is acknowledging the severity of what he did. She needs them to believe that she understands that he is a danger to her DCs and that she will do everything in her power to protect them.

She can't be seen to be protecting him or minimising his behaviour.

This will be very hard for her, which is why she needs professional support.

I'd highly recommend the freedom programme too.

Forgive my ignorance, but here the victim doesn't get to 'drop the charges'. In cases of domestic abuse, prosecution is mandated by law regardless of the victim's wishes. Is it not the same in the UK?