Does anyone else worry about coping in old age when you don't have children?

[Friday999]

I’ve been reading a thread about “age gaps – what happens in later life” and even though there’s only 8 years between DH and I, if you look at average life expectancy, I could be looking at a decade as an elderly widow. However if you look at DH’s relatives, they all seem to live into their late 80/early 90s, whereas none of my relatives have got past 75, so who knows.

I know we’re an aging population, so I expect there will be lots of people in the same boat as me by the time I’m elderly, but it still worries me. When the time comes, I’d probably like to live in a ’retirement village’ set-up, where you’ve got privacy if you want it, but the option of company/assistance too.

But I worry about silly things, like how would I move house on my own if I’m 80? Would I spend every Christmas alone? What if I’m too old to drive etc etc? I suspect McCarthy Stone Retirement Villages could be the answer to my prayers and I've even thought about buying an apartment in one of their developments (and renting it out til we're older).

I’m fully aware that I shouldn’t spend my 40s worrying about what may never happen in my 80s, but it does pray on my mind.

I had my dc at 39 and 41. I am in my mid 50s and am rushed off my feet looking at colleges, schools, doing homework each night, running around to various after school activities, getting dinner, uniforms ready. I have not once thought what will happen one day when I am on my own. Dh has major health problems, I think having children means you don't have time to sit around worrying about stuff that may never happen.

One of my dms friends married a guy 73 she was 40. No children, very happy together, he transferred all of his assets into her name as the IT was prohibitive in the country they lived. She had a heart attack and died at 52, he was left with an enormous tax bill at the age of 85. No one knows what is going to happen all you can do is change the things you can and don't worry about stuff you can't do anything about.

best idea so far= the robot! Thanks Suzanne. Second the move before you cant-i left it till 69 and it nearly killed me. Now in a condo-paying maintenance fees is better than climbing ladders to fix squirrel holes in the roof, cutting down trees , clearing an icy driveway etc.

Senior citizens wont be an oppressed minority, we will be an empowered majority, shaped by a lifetime of online collaboration and idea sharing ?

No I don't worry.

Having been widowed in my 20s I know that we can survive.

There is no guarantee that children are a safety blanket either, my mother has seen my sister twice in the past 40 years.

Ideally I would like to move to a tiny Finca in Spain when I am old, buy a goat, drink lots of gin and swear at passers by.

I like your thinking Fourtothedozen :)

I've worked in community care assessment and it astounds me the lack of awareness the general public has about these issues.

Imo there needs to be a huge awareness raising campaign.

Only a minority will need residential/nursing care but for people who do £1000 per week (in today's money) is a typical cost.

The average stay in a nursing home is 2 years so £100k is a ball park figure of how much you would need to have saved up if you don't want to use the equity in your home.

Alarmingly what sometimes happens is that adult children attempt to stop the older person from moving into care, even when that is in their best interests, so they can keep the equity (inheritance) in the house.

I'd advise everyone to get a power of attorney document drawn up so that someone they trust to act in their best interests will make decisions if you are ever declared lacking in capacity.

Care at home is a lot more common than residential care. This can involve several short (15 mins) visits a day from unqualified carers (usually on nmw) who will help with things like getting out of bed, dressing, washing, taking meds, toileting, heating food, eating, shopping etc.

This is all chargeable and costs of £15ph are typical.

Basically it's much better if there is a good support network of family or friends who can help out.

There are a lot of lonely vulnerable older people out there who have no one to look out for them and check their needs are being met.

Lightbulbon surely because of your job you only see the people who havent made provision not the people who have. I have a friend who is a geriatric nurse who does not want to live past 60 as when you are past 60 you are so ill you end up in hospital. It took a lot of persuading that the majority of people at 60 were running around, going on holiday and still in work. Not in hospital. My MIL lost FIL at 80 had a boyfriend at 82, (sadly he passed 4 years late) then she got another one at 87, they are going on cruises and thoroughly enjoying life was met with the fact she had only met ill 60+ year olds. She remains unconvinced. As for me still having a teenager when I am 60 was met with pure horror when I announced my pregnancy at 41.

You can make a framework for the provision for your future but to obsess over the details like moving house etc when you don't know where you will end up is just depressing.

I doubt you would be able to buy a place in a " retirement village" as there are rules that you have to be over 55 that is why they are so cheap. I could buy a place there, i am the right age but the thought of ending up anywhere where you are surrounded by old people fills me with dread.

Why would being surrounded by people your own age fill you with dread?

Being surrounded with people my own age is exactly what I'm hoping to achieve! Which is why a retirement village would be ideal for me.

Because the women I do know either knit, play bingo, talk about their retirement plans in detail, they talk about clothes and make up and having their nails done, then there is the talk of cookery, even on MN there is an assumption that everyone is obsessed with GBBO, (I can honestly say I have never watched any cookery programme ever) they play sudoku or candy crush, drink, or act like helpless females, they watch Eastenders or Coronation Street or Emmerdale or some sort of romantic or overly dramatic film, if they have children then there is the stealth boasts and underhanded put downs, ( my dc are dyslexic, ADD and ADHD)
I am usually found up to my elbows in paint, plaster or cement, I don't drink, eat meat, or wear make up or dye my hair. I shift my own furniture about and I have no interest in whether a particular top goes with a particular skirt. I rarely watch tv.
I do have people I know of my age, known them for years, I tend to send my dh now if they are going out anywhere because sitting in a pub where there is a discussion that lasts for a good hour on who killed Lucy Beale was the final straw.
That is why I don't hang around with people of my own age.

The issue is surely knowing like minded people, not their age? The women I know in their 60's and older talk about politics, feminism, and the Government. They don't wear make up, and usually don't care at all what clothes they are wearing.

But do they drink and eat meat? Even those particular subject matters would fill me with dread.

Another thing people don't seem to realise is that the average age of death by 2030 will be 80 yrs (men) which is up 10 yrs from the 1970's.

On the face of it that sounds great, but (and here is my point), improved healthy lifestyles etc are only partly responsible. The other reason is the advance of technology, medical advances and improved medicines. Meaning (to put it crudely) that some people are being "kept" alive, whereas 10, 20, 30 years ago they would not have survived.

I've got a circle of single friends who are interested in a communal life style with me - I lived in a few communities in my 20s and lived it. If I ever get rid of my adult DC that is! One friend has already moved in (he's my test subject!) and it's working well so far.

It was me who started that thread about age gaps and what happens in the future....
I have a DS but he is only 18 years younger than me so we could both end up old codgers together DP is 21 years older than me and doubtful we'll have any dc together as he's already 50... I have no idea what'll happen and it does worry me.

Oliversmumsarmy-I don't think you would enjoy communal living but you are making a lot of generalisations about people in a certain age bracket. My DDs like GBBO-I have no interest at all. Some people in all age groups watch eastenders, some don't.
You may have minority interests but I think you're being quite ageist. Not all older people play bingo and talk about the TV for hours.
Some people who feel isolated may enjoy the company in a retirement complex. They won't share interests with everyone but they will probably find some friends and feel more secure there.

Maybe I am being ageist but I am old and am surrounded by people around my chronological age who talk and act older than my MIL who is nearly 90. One couple we know sit in their conservatory listening to the cricket necking whiskey whilst she does her knitting. And the thought of one more night sat in some pub nursing a cola while everyone around me is on G&Ts and glasses of wine etc listening to their ramblings (young and old) of who killed some fictional character does my head in. Even dh is noticing how old are friends are becoming. We called one at 7.30pm and got our heads chewed off for ringing so late, just as they were getting into bed. That couple were 49 and 50 at the time. But this particular couple have been viewing retirement homes since they were 35ish.

My 60+ friends are not like this

I suppose all of the people I know all drink. When you are around people who drink, they appear to be having a good time and think they are hip and young and hold parties every week, but really I just think they come across as old and boring. As I have said I leave my dh to face them but even he is coming around to my way of thinking.