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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband just grabbed me by the neck

67 replies

Childofgruffalo · 31/07/2015 23:40

Have NCd for this.

DH and I have just had an argument in bed which resulted in him grabbing me round the neck and me struggling to breath.

I am now in DDs room settling her, I don't know what to do, I am reluctant to phone the police as I don't want SS to get involved.

I think I managed to just take a picture of red marks on my neck. But where do I go from now?

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 31/07/2015 23:43

You need to phone the police, OP. Grabbing round the neck is considered a really dangerous indicator for the level of violence likely to arise in future.

Has he been physical with you before?

ja9r · 31/07/2015 23:43

hand holding til someone useful comes along... so so sorry you're in this place... praying for you...

Original poster
Childofgruffalo · 31/07/2015 23:43

No, never.

OP posts:
Original poster
Childofgruffalo · 31/07/2015 23:45

Thank you, ja9r

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 31/07/2015 23:47

If you've got your phone with you in your DDs room, can you call Women's Aid? 0808 2000 247.

TracyBarlow · 31/07/2015 23:47

That kind of offence is taken hugely seriously by the police, and rightly so. It can take just a few seconds to kill someone by holding your hands around their throat.

Phone the police. SS will only want the kids to be safe and happy Flowers

Botanicbaby · 31/07/2015 23:48

Yes you do need to report this. It's a very serious assault that could escalate.

Where is he now?

SewingAndCakes · 31/07/2015 23:49

Phone the police Op. Don't let him minimise this. Flowers

Original poster
Childofgruffalo · 31/07/2015 23:50

I am reluctant to make a phone call as I do not want to disturb DDs who are asleep. I am in DDs bedroom and DH is in our bedroom.

OP posts:
TooMuchJD · 31/07/2015 23:50

I would report it, even if its just to 101 so that its logged - just in case - then at least its on record.

Why would SS be involved? I reported my DH after he flipped the sofa over with me on it when he was in a drunken rage, gave statement and he was cautioned but not charged, as far as I am aware SS was not informed.

Hand holding until someone more knowledgeable comes along

GinAndSonic · 31/07/2015 23:51

You need to report this, choking you places you as high risk of further and escalating violence. At the very least you need to see the dr and have it logged there because it can cause serious damage that may not show initially. Its actually very easy to go too far and kill someone like that when meaning to "just" hurt or frighten them. Please think about that, because you very easily couldnt have been able to go to your daughter tonight. He could have killed you.
Please, please, as a bare minimum, get information on creating a safety plan and a plan on how to leave, even if you dont currently plan on using it now. It could save your life one day.
If you are in the NE i can direct you to the domestic violence advoates i use, they can offer support and info, if not, womens aid can help.

goddessofsmallthings · 31/07/2015 23:52

Where you go now is straight to the phone and call the police because your h has physically assaulted you and if you don't report this incident, he'll do it - again and all the pictures in the world of red marks on necks won't stop him including the one you've taken of your own.

You need have no fear of SS involvement as you haven't committed any crime and by reporting him you will have demonstrated that you can protect your dd from any (further) distress/trauma she may suffer from seeing/hearing her df attack her dm.

Original poster
Childofgruffalo · 31/07/2015 23:55

Thank you Gin, I'm in the SE though.

Toomuch I would assume that when violence occurs in a household with children then SS would have to get involved? Please correct me if I am wrong though.

OP posts:
TheQuestingVole · 31/07/2015 23:56

Grabbing by the neck is considered the best predictor of future homicide in relationships with domestic violence. It's that simple. For God's sake call the police.

GinAndSonic · 31/07/2015 23:57

You can visit the womens aid website now OP. You can use the incognito browser on your phone so your partner wont be able to see you visited it. Please consider the police though. Violence of this sort is never a one off and it usually escalates after the first incidence of violence. Theres not much worse it can get after choking, and your daughters deserve their mum to be alive, healthy and happy.
Im worried for you OP, you can PM me. Im here.

Welshgirl72 · 31/07/2015 23:59

Please call the police they will give you all the support you need.

SycamoreMum · 01/08/2015 00:01

Tell him to leave right away, arm yourself with something if need be. Call the police in the morning. How dare he do that to you?! What if he hadn't stopped and your kids are in the house with him???! Nah. He has to go.

GarminGirl · 01/08/2015 00:01

What kind of mood is he in? Be careful op....is he likely to be brooding on this. It might not be over

Please call the police

TooMuchJD · 01/08/2015 00:01

Can only speak from my one experience Child.

I was never contacted by SS, whether it was ever passed to them I have no idea. DH was not arrested so maybe that had something to do with. Not sure what the protocol is officially, sorry.

I'm sure someone else here will though. I do know that I was shocked and scared, then incredibly angry, which is why I reported him. To this day he still believes I did it out of spite Sad.

Hope you are ok Flowers

Original poster
Childofgruffalo · 01/08/2015 00:02

I think I can hear DH asleep in the next room. I am tempted to go to sleep myself and contact police tomo when he is at work.

OP posts:
mrstweefromtweesville · 01/08/2015 00:02

Yes, call the police. I didn't, when my then-husband tried to strangle me to death, but that was 1986 and women are more likely to be listened to today. Please do it. If he can choke people, he has it in him to kill them.

thornrose · 01/08/2015 00:03

Don't be afraid of Social Services and the consequences for your family. Be afraid of your husband.

You have nothing to fear from Social Services. You have a lot to fear from your husband right now.

friendofsadgirl · 01/08/2015 00:07

Can you text someone else to call the police for you?

elQuintoConyo · 01/08/2015 00:08

Hand holding here Flowers

Botanicbaby · 01/08/2015 00:10

As long as you do call them in the morning OP, as PP say please don't let him minimise this. No matter what caused the argument in the first place it is never okay to do what he did. It doesn't bear thinking about what could happen in the future if this behaviour is not dealt with.

Hope you manage to sleep okay, do take care.

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