It will be almost a year ago now that I spoke out for the first time on Mumsnet about my MIL's clear unacceptable behaviour.
She interfered in all aspects of our lives, criticised all we did, turned up when she liked, took our newborn baby to her own house when she liked, filled her house with baby things on the assumption that she would be looking after her regularly from day 1, even painted a nursery for her etc. It was frightening stuff, especially as I spiralled into very severe PND. To the point I believed my child was not mine, possibly because of her meddling.
Almost 12 months on, I am officially depression free, although still struggling with some anxiety. My DH and I almost separated over it, but I now have his full support and he's seen his mother's true colours- for months I didnt speak to his mother for the sake of getting better and she was told firmly to back off by my DH whilst I recovered. My FIL didnt speak to me for months and other family relations were strained as a result. My DH took our baby to visit them without me for a long time and they did not come round to our own house for long periods of time.
Since a month ago, I made the decision that I really want my Daughter to have a close relationship with her grandparents, like I did and have started allowing MIL to look after her for a couple of hours a week. On our terms of course. Things started well, but I've started to get that horrible 'get away from my child' feeling that I got in the midst of PND.
It has become apparent that MIL is utterly obsessed with our Daughter, she wants to know everything she's been up to everyday and sulks if we miss out some minor detail. When she sees her, I get a sidelong glance and short hello, whilst she holds our child with this weird longing with her eyes closed , kissing her over and over again, exclaiming how much she loves her and misses her. The more she sees her the worse it seems to get.
At a recent family gathering, she told me how upset she was that she couldn't sit and cuddle her the whole time as there were so many people there playing and cuddling her. She is still buying things for her and leaving them at her own house in the hope that one day, she'll spend a lot of time there. She's bought hardly anything for us to use at our house.
I feel so much better since I took control and put up boundries. MIL is so much better than she was, but still I feel completely threatened by the clear obsession and mannerism that she has with my Daughter. It has also been acknowledged as an 'obsession' by other family members. It's difficult to explain in words, but to watch her with DD, it's really weird to see. The more we give her, the more she wants and the more she treads on my toes as her mother, like the comment she made at the family gathering. She had looked after her on a 1:1 basis twice that week and it doesnt appear to have been enough. I'm just waiting for the criticisms to start again, she's already started the 'I used to do this... I used to do that...'
I really want DD to have a close relationship with her, but I can't help but feel maternally threatened by her manner and feel like screaming "back the f$$@ off!"