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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do women feel about older virgin men?

54 replies

ErenYeager · 31/07/2015 00:15

I want to ask what women think about men who are still virgins later on in life. I have had this idea for a while that virginity after a certain age is basically the ultimate red flag. Unfortunately I am well beyond that age. I'm a straight guy in my twenties. Never kissed or been on a date. I am not getting any closer to doing either of those. As the weeks, months and years continue to accumulate I am having to ponder the possibility that it will never happen for me. Any advice for me?

OP posts:
MysteryMan1 · 01/08/2015 07:48

A Virgin is no problem if that is either what you want or haven't bothered trying. See just cones with dating so try some dates. If you have been on lots of dates and not had set, then there is something worth investigating.

Once you have had it, only danger is you will want it with more women -I'm sure it happens to some people but I would be surprised if you only sleep with one woman and live happily ever after.

MysteryMan1 · 01/08/2015 07:50

Dowser, not everyone wants kids. Nothing wrong with that at all. I am at a stage in life where I am perfectly happy - lots of friends, great job, enough cash etc to really enjoy life etc.

Do I want to have kids and unbalance things? Not right now.

ShhhDontTellAnyone · 01/08/2015 11:24

Regular poster who has MC for this thread. I try and refrain from biting when I read comments like "misogynistic prick who feels so entitled to sex that he'll buy a woman's lack of genuine consent to sex." but I feel compelled to add my 2p worth here.

I'm a (not coerced, independent) sex worker who has had clients who were virgins. These men felt crippled by their lack of sexual experience with women and this prevented them having the confidence to have relationships. They thought, rightly or wrongly, that women would expect them to know what they were doing sexually and be shocked when they didn't have a clue. I'd suggest to them that decent women wouldn't care, but they were too stuck in this negative loop; they needed a GF to gain sexual experience but couldn't get over the hurdle of getting a GF until they had sexual experience.

I explained to my clients that although I could certainly help them gain the know how about how to please a woman sexually, I could not help them with any psychological issues regarding social anxiety for example. Also that I could only teach them what pleases me and that may not be what other women like, so communication is important. A couple of them emailed me a few months after our meeting to tell me they were then in their first relationship, something they didn't feel they could have done before. It can be positively life changing, and it was for them, and I really hope that if their partners find out about how they lost their virginity they won't be so closed minded to automatically think they are "misogynistic pricks". They didn't treat me like a "fuck-hole attached to a body" in the slightest, but very much a woman who was willing to help them. Very greatful they were too.

Of course it was a little clinical simply because it didn't flow. If you can imagine giving a sex lesson to someone with no prior knowledge, there was a lot of "move like this", "touch there like that". A lot of stopping/starting to explain a technique. But it wasnt clinical as in lacking in emotion or tenderness. I'd also advise them to avoid porn because it can give a false idea of how sex should be and get them into some horrible habits!

Eren's "issues" are social not sexual, and seeing a sex worker won't address that. Therefore he needs to work on his social confidence rather than worry about his virginity.

vienna1981 · 01/08/2015 12:06

Good answer Ssh.

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