Very scientific Cocklodger poll.

[SylvanianCaliphate]

Straw poll amongst ourselves to give an anecdotal idea just how widespread this is.

Q1. Have you lived with more than one serious partner?
Q2. Have you felt used/ unfairly burdened (not only financially)by a partner/s? How many of them?
Q3. Did you stay with/ rectify/ things worked out eventually with them?

I will go first

1. Yep, three.
2. Two of the relationships I definitely contributed more.
3. Both ended, one ended badly.

No, I couldn't commit myself...

He was/is high earner and offered relationship saying he doesn't care about my pocket. Although he tried to challenge me on that...

I stepped back.

1. Yep
2. Definitely - every time
3. Ended fucking disastrously

No. Lived with one man...my ex husband

Yes. He was useless financially and practically. Total cocklodger by the end

Ended recently. I couldn't afford to keep him and we didn't love each other any more

1. Yes
2. No
3. Not applicable.

1. Yes, four LTRs inc my marriage
2. Yes, in one
3. No, he became physically abusive as well as financially and emotionally and friends helped me leave.

I must say that my marriage (which was co-habitation number three) I was the sole earner as my H was disabled, however I never felt used or burdened.

1. Yes
2. Yes, two of them
3. Stayed for too long both times, getting divorced now.

Intend to stay on my own for ever a long time!

1. No

1. Yes, once

1. No

I wonder if it's primarily second relationships when the lodge starts, when we are better established?

1. Three live in partners

1. None cocklodging though one was useless with money. But it never arose - each time on living together we agreed 50/50 each and the boundary was set, and none of them tried to back out of that

1. One was socially quite controlling - you must spend all your spare time with me - though I think his emotional immaturity and my actual immaturity (I was 16) was more the cause than abusive intent. One was a cheating bastard who I divorced. The middle one was lovely though!

Q1. Have you lived with more than one serious partner?
A Yes - three.

Q2. Have you felt used/ unfairly burdened (not only financially)by a partner/s? How many of them?
A. Yes. Two. The first (my marriage) was because he was Tim nice but a bit useless. There was no intentional cocklodgery going on but I eventually ended things because I felt fed up of being his mother more than his wife. The second was proper cocklodgery, but it worked up slowly and only really became apparent once i got pregnant, when it then became abusive. I left shortly afterwards.

Q3. Did you stay with/ rectify/ things worked out eventually with them?
No. Thank God! (Now been with DP for years, who is the total opposite of a cocklodger and possibly the most thoughtful man I've ever met.)

1. Two

1. One abusive cocklodger, one (current DH) is sole breadwinner, views our household contribution equally and pulls his weight in every aspect of our relationship

1. I walked out on first one and learned my lesson well. Kept my standards high for years and didn't move in with anyone else until I met DH who I felt was finally worthy of me.

1. Two

1. One

1. Disastrously (he was a violent, abusive cunt) managed to escape eventually.

Great idea for a poll OP:

Q1. Have you lived with more than one serious partner?
A1. Yes. 3

Q2. Have you felt used/ unfairly burdened (not only financially)by a partner/s? How many of them?
Q2. I only felt burdened/used by two of them. Both financially. One was older and tight fisted, the other younger and lazy and entitled.

Q3. Did you stay with/ rectify/ things worked out eventually with them?
A3. No. Ditched all of them. Called the financial abusers out. Got my money back (in part). Both abusers are now with other women in similar financially abusive relationships. The tight one sought a wealthy woman and the lazy one sought a well-off woman, happy to keep him. Both cheat.

Q1. No just the one
Q2. No, I earned more but we both had equal access to funds. Then I had 5 months out of work and he'd have given me every oenny. No issues on mat leave either.
Q3. N/A

No
No
n/a

1. Yes, three.
2. Yes, two out of the three.
3. Both ended badly.

Stupidly, though I don't live with him (and won't because I've partly learned my lesson) my current BF is bad with money and not brilliant with responsibility... Talking to someone recentl about attracting and being attracted to wounded people is definitely true...

Q1 Yes
Q2 Yes, Three of them
Q3 Both ended badly

Q1: Two
Q2: 1st was lovely but we grew apart. 2nd was complete cocklodger, sadly married him before I discovered MN
Q3: He endlessly promised to contribute, never did. Continually lied and cheated then walked when I stopped acting as a cash point.

1. Oh dear yes.
2. About 4 cocklodged. It took a long time to realise I was never going to be a cuntlodger, let alone on an equal footing.
3. All ended badly. This may be why on cocklodging threads I shout LTB a lot.

Yes 2.

One I married and bankrolled for 12 years.

In the midst of divorce now and with an absolute sweetie who won't let me pay for my own anything.

Yes, 2 marriages, 2 live in relationships.

Yes.

I dumped them.

Only lived with two.

First was responsible but a bit tight, and it was pre kids

Second, he owned the house, and protected his assets. I felt used by the time I left him because I put so much time and energy and savings and earnings in to his house, our life, our children, and I had nothing to show for it when I finally left him. He did not see it like that though. It was his house and I was lucky to have had a roof over my head, that was his view.

As OP says, it's now I'm back on my feet financially that I would be keeping an eye out for this. The last man I dated seemed to want to move in after six months. He was ten years younger than me. I ended it.

Two
None
N/a

Two.
One.
I divorced him.

Two
No
N/A