Why do men and women have such different dating priorities?

[Interdasty]

What's the biggest issue when it comes to dating ? How to make sure the man isn't just after sex. You see it on MN and everywhere else over and over again.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/plenty-of-fish-dating-site-founder-pulls-intimate-encounters-option-to-ward-off-sleazy-men-8626107.html

*But the founder of one of Britain’s biggest dating website has now decided to take radical action to root out fake and sleazy profiles - after revealing that many of the “women” who use the hook-ups section of his site are actually men in disguise.

Writing to members on Monday, Markus Frind, the Canadian founder of Plenty of Fish (POF), said that he had been forced to make a series of changes to its membership rules because too many male users are harassing women for sex.

The entrepreneur said that he had decided to scrap the “Intimate Encounters” option on the POF site due to complaints from some of its female users suffering unwanted attention.

In a message sent to all members, he said that only 6,041 of the 3.3 million people who use the site every day are in fact women looking for no-strings-attached trysts – adding “the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women.*

So basically almost no women are looking for sex while with men the story is completely different. Why aren't there equal numbers of men and women looking for similar things? Why are men much more likely to be wanting sex while women are after relationships?

If someone tells you they aren't looking for anything serious, and you carry on dating them, then they don't want to marry you... it's probably not that you made yourself into a short term bet by appearing easy, it's probably that they... Weren't looking for anything serious!

Crispy: I don't have any men friends who had short term relationships with experienced sweary drinking women then settled down with virgins. They all married their experienced sweary drinking women. The ones who had sex on the first date

How old are you, and your friends? 20s? Early 30s?

I don't mean virgins!! Definitely not virgins. But women with - I guess, standards? Who don't offer sex like it's the goldfish on a fairground stall.

I don't have any men friends who had short term relationships with experienced sweary drinking women then settled down with virgins. They all married their experienced sweary drinking women. The ones who had sex with them on the first date.

This.

I think the answer to the OP is "conditioning". Historically, sex was something men took and women withheld - until they got paid, basically, either short-term or long-term. It's only about 50 years since the pill and employment laws changed that rule.

Most balanced, thinking people understand the changes and go after the kind of relationship they're looking for at any given time. Not much bargaining required. But social attitudes take longer than 50 years to alter on a deep level, and another change that's happened is an explosion of media selling the old idea. Porn says men take sex and women suffer it; chicklit still says women use it as a bargaining chip.

So, on the one hand you have a sizeable army of women & men with rational attitudes and a reasonable amount of awareness. On the other, a much bigger army who've been conditioned by their parents and manipulated by businesses.

What you think "men do" and "women should" depends entirely on which side you belong.

Funny there was once a woman who wrote a bonkbuster that involved a goldfish in a pivotal scence. Shes in her 80s now and more forward thinking than you.

Brilliant post Garlick

Women with standards?

I'd ask if you're my mother, but she spent the decade between her 70th and 80th birthdays having casual sex!

I'm probably older than your mother and have enjoyed many short-term adventures over the past 40 years or so. My standards are all about considerate behaviour and good sex, thank you very much.

I've never seen my vagina as a heavily guarded treasure, and don't think much of men who feel driven to breach its defences. It's mine to do with as I choose.

Jilly Cooper! I think it must have been her best scene

Shirley Conran.......Lace.

Ah, thanks, Helena.

I don't know any men who live alone perfectly happily, wanting only to have sex with randoms. Any single men I know say they are are a bit lonely and want a partner, they go on OLD because they want to start a family, or they want to live with someone, they want a companion.

I don't either. The only men I know in their thirties or older who are single (and there are not very many) are desperate to find a girlfriend, and worried sick about not finding someone they get on with.

Maybe these men hang around nightclubs? Although they'd look pretty out of place if they were older than their twenties.

Theres a lot of social pressure, especially from other men, to settle down, get married and have children. I barely know anyone who is divorced either. Provincial large town.

Maybe casual sex is learned behaviour, and you are far more likely to find it amongst the flower power generation and online daters. Which maybe also explains why cock shots and invitations to meet strange men in their homes seems so odd to many people. Most people who meet a partner early on in their dating lives would never go on to develop such behaviour?

I still find it almost impossible to believe that any man thinks women are going to flock to his cock. The real reason must be virtual flashing, mustn't it?

HelenaDove "Because once they feel secure in their relationship with the woman they see as their "Madonna" you can bet they will still want sex on the side with the woman/women they perceive as "whore"" -- I don't agree. Sounds like you think shit of men. Committed loving man will be prepared to compromise and be monogamous to his wife. So if a woman marries "stable respectful good boy who treats her nicely" will she then go and have sex on the side with the "wild bad boy" to spice up her sex life?

Garlic - Do you respect prostitutes? I do. Prostitution is not illegal in the UK. "I've never seen my vagina as a heavily guarded treasure... It's mine to do with as I choose".

I think it's pretty ignorant to assume that having sex very early on in to the dating is important so that man starts perceiving you as super hot "whore" in bed. Just because some women are having sex on a first/second/third date (desperate for sex) - doesn't mean they are good at it.

What weird views are being expressed on this thread.

I divorced three years ago and have found most men online are looking for a serious relationship (and I have used POF.) Many want their 'soulmate' or 'princess.' Younger men in their 20s have approached me wanting to 'hook up' straight away but older than that and they want more.

I say quite clearly in my profile that I am not looking for a relationship yet not many men want casual. A lot say they are not after one night stands or sexting.

I have never met a man who only wants to see me once or gets a shag and then disappears.

I had look at a casual hook up site. It wasn't my thing at all but there were very few local men, even though I live in a big city.

yet think they are somehow entitled to 'beautiful' women rather than average ones

Well, Amnesty International seems to think that male entitlement to sex (via prostitution) is a universal human right.

I have to echo your views, goodbye. Most men I've encountered want relationships. I've never met a shag and run type, I'm sure they exist, but it's not the norm.

Crispy "I don't have any men friends who had short term relationships with experienced sweary drinking women then settled down with virgins. They all married their experienced sweary drinking women. The ones who had sex on the first date"

same here. But in fairness, wasn't it only one poster who decided that women who have sex on a first date won't end up in LTRs - I don't think that's the majority view on here.

Re not knowing any of these really horrible men that we hear about, my theory is those men don't have a lot of friends, especially not female ones. I really hope my male friends aren't the ones who are sending penis pictures

I've met lots of "shag and run" types but more of the Charlie of Two and Half Men type, players hanging around trendy bars. Well, that was in my 20s. But I doubt that type has moved online now..?

I think there are many myths about online dating that are perpetuated by people who haven't actually done it.

achieve6 and Crispy "I don't have any men friends who had short term relationships with experienced sweary drinking women then settled down with virgins. They all married their experienced sweary drinking women. The ones who had sex on the first date"

IMHO its an age thing. Back in the day when I was a teen, guys would go out with girls they knew would have sex. A sort of inverse reputation syndrome. This was to get some experience and have fun. Almost none of them married these women.

No I'm not in my twenties or early thirties funnyname.

I don't think women offer sex at all in my world.
They don't give it away, it isn't something to be earned by men.

When I was a teenager, boys and girls went out with each other because they liked each other and fancied each other!

ignorant to assume that having sex very early on in to the dating is important so that man starts perceiving you as super hot "whore"

Your absolutely bonkers use of "whore" betrays your view that sex is something women use in order to get something from a man. Supposing your assumption is that women trade sex for a long-term relationship, you've reduced women to half-humans who can only be completed by Having A Man, and men to mindless idiots who are readily manipulated by these incomplete whores.

Charming!

The main reason women on 'hookup' sites are more cautious than men is safety. they're not frightened that a man will refuse to marry them, they're not bothered that, if they have sex with a man he might Not See Them As Relationship Material, they just want to do enough basic checking and digging to feel reasonably sure that if they meet up with a particular man he won't actually kill them. Because dating 'strange' (as in, not known to your friends/colleagues/family) people does carry a far bigger risk to women than it does to men.
Men's worst fear regarding women is that women will laugh at them.
Women fear that men will kill them.

"So if a woman marries "stable respectful good boy who treats her nicely" will she then go and have sex on the side with the "wild bad boy" to spice up her sex life?"

ladymargaret you really need to read up about the Madonna/whore complex.

There have certainly been enough threads on this board where after a woman has given birth her partner then sees her as in the role of "mother" rather than wife/sexualpartner and in a lot of cases treats her accordingly. No affection no sex Goes elsewhere to "get his needs met" but would crucify her for doing the same.

Stable respectful good men (because i find it very telling that youve used the word boy) dont behave like this.

Im not the one belittling men here.

And your comments about women are pretty disgusting too. Your posts betray the fact that women will always be in the wrong in your eyes.