Two days ago, I discovered that DH, who works away a lot, had been regularly using porn. He has also admitted to having "crushes" on people. He says he started the porn use because there wasn't much sex and both denies that is has contributed to less sex (the admission came when I challenged him as to why he didn't seem to want me anymore) and that there is anything wrong with it. In trying to reassure me, he said he "only" watched "ordinary" women pleasuring themselves. He has also watched women with other women. I am not certain of the exact span (he says about once a week for "years"), but, during this time, I have been bringing-up our children and having high-risk pregnancies then beast-feeding.
I feel very strongly about porn. We were both very innocent when we married and I find it hard to realise how many other naked women touching themselves he has now seen. I also wonder how, as a father of daughters, he can use it.
I don't recognise him. I feel ridiculous. I don't trust him. Unless I mis-understood, it was lack of opportunity (he says he is socially awkward) rather than principles which have meant he hasn't slept with anyone else and he, very bitterly, said he had been "good". My marriage vows are so important to me and, though life has been busy and tough, I thought we could get through stuff together. He hasn't explicitly said that he thinks me a prude, but, when I asked why he didn't ask me to do something he said, surprised "But you wouldn't do that". I said, part from anal, which he doesn't want, anyway, and sending explicit photos (due to security concerns) I was willing to try anything.
I am very upset,so much the children are worried. I have confided in a couple friends in real life, but I feel adrift.