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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH in crisis on holiday

31 replies

Anonanon4321 · 26/07/2015 22:23

I need some advice/hand holding please. My oh is abroad with his (later teenage) kids at the moment, he has a history of alcohol and mental health issues. He knows not to drink heavily as it brings out something akin to madness with him, but today he has obviously been drinking and got into an argument with the kids.
I think he said some things he regrets and is possibly feeling suicidal, but coupled with this, the smallest confrontation could send him over the edge of violence when he is in this mood. He won't answer his phone any more and I can't get hold of kids. I'm here feeling sick not knowing how to help and worried that he will do something stupid. Not sure how anyone can help me but I needed to get it out, I'm so incredibly worried at the whole situation and waiting for the phone to ring with my heart in my throat.

OP posts:
UncertainSmile · 26/07/2015 22:26

The only thing that I can suggest is involving the British police, who can liase with the local police.

BastardGoDarkly · 26/07/2015 22:28

Blimey, I'm not surprised you're worried.

caravanista13 · 26/07/2015 22:31

No advice, but really hope you hear something reassuring soon.

Coconutty · 26/07/2015 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TendonQueen · 26/07/2015 22:34

If you know the name of where they're staying, could you ring the hotel and say you got cut off but you're worried he's ill and could someone check on him?

cozietoesie · 26/07/2015 23:03

I'd also try ringing the consular staff in the nearest UK embassy/consulate. They're there to help in all sorts of ways - and they have the contacts to gee up local assistance etc.

OhRlly · 26/07/2015 23:07

Thank you everyone. I've just managed to speak to him. He's completely off his face. He's veering from one minute saying that he understands why the kids are upset and then raging about it the next. He says he is no danger to himself at the moment but his mood is so irrational.
I honestly think if I called the authorities or hotel that would set him off on one and make it worse. I don't know how to cope with this anymore, I'm a nervous wreck every day.

Morganly · 26/07/2015 23:08

I presume they are not your children? Can you contact their mother and find out if she's heard from them?

OhRlly · 26/07/2015 23:08

bugger name change!

woowoo22 · 26/07/2015 23:09

He sounds like an alocholic. Are the kids safe? Violence to who?

cozietoesie · 26/07/2015 23:10

Don't worry about that - it's only on this board after all.

Have you managed to raise the kids at all?

OhRlly · 26/07/2015 23:10

I'm afraid the mother is very hostile to me, and part of the argument tonight' was apparently kids resentment about th split. My oh is also very emotionally unstable when it comes to that and has felt suicidal before over not being there with the kids every day due to the split, that's one of the things he is upset about tonigh.

AnyoneForTennis · 26/07/2015 23:12

You need to call someone over there to help with this

APlaceOnTheCouch · 26/07/2015 23:12

Have you spoken to the kids? Can you call him back and ask to speak to them? They may be better at judging how unstable he is. since they are with him. Plus you could advise them to stay in a different room, lock the door and leave him to sleep it off. They shouldn't have to try to manage a drunk, abusive adult (even if he is their dad).

OhRlly · 26/07/2015 23:12

No contact with the kids, he said they are in the hotel, he is no with them at the moment. He is an alcoholic I have finally come to realise. I think Any potential violence would be directed towards himself or anyone that tried to get involved. He is another person when he is drunk, i hate it so much.

Selks · 26/07/2015 23:15

Have you just done a name change?

If you are severely worried you could try discussing it with local (UK) police who might be able to advise or to liaise with the police in the country your DH is in.

Clearly when he returns there are fundamental issues that need tackling...

BastardGoDarkly · 26/07/2015 23:15

It sounds like a shit way to live, for you and the poor kids. If I was their mother I would never had let him take them away :(

AnyoneForTennis · 26/07/2015 23:15

You need to do something... Not fair on those kids. Call their mother, never mind hostility, this is an emergency

OhRlly · 26/07/2015 23:16

The kids are 19 and 20 if that makes any difference.

cozietoesie · 26/07/2015 23:17

When were they die to return? Any chance they could be got out early?

AnyoneForTennis · 26/07/2015 23:18

So who has their phne number? Call them

Twinklestein · 26/07/2015 23:19

Why are you involved in this mess?

Bin him and let his ex deal with it.

OhRlly · 26/07/2015 23:19

End of the week. I already offered to book flights for tomorrow but in no fit state to talk sensibly at the moment. I will push for them to come back tomorrow. I feel so bad for them all, he really needs some help and I don't know where to get it.

mrbob · 26/07/2015 23:20

Poor kids...

DoMeDon · 26/07/2015 23:24

He's a grown man, arguing with grown adults. He clearly needs to resolve these issues and repair the relationship with his kids but that's on him. You have no impact on this and trying to talk to a drunk is pointless. Personally I'd meditate to clear my mind, turn off phone and go to sleep. The only person you can save tonight is yourself.