OH in crisis on holiday

[Anonanon4321]

I need some advice/hand holding please. My oh is abroad with his (later teenage) kids at the moment, he has a history of alcohol and mental health issues. He knows not to drink heavily as it brings out something akin to madness with him, but today he has obviously been drinking and got into an argument with the kids.
I think he said some things he regrets and is possibly feeling suicidal, but coupled with this, the smallest confrontation could send him over the edge of violence when he is in this mood. He won't answer his phone any more and I can't get hold of kids. I'm here feeling sick not knowing how to help and worried that he will do something stupid. Not sure how anyone can help me but I needed to get it out, I'm so incredibly worried at the whole situation and waiting for the phone to ring with my heart in my throat.

Keep trying to raise them. They likely won't know how to deal with him in this situation in a foreign country without their normal support systems. It would be considerably simpler if they were home and safe.

He just called, is going to bed so I hope that is that for tonight and will starThere is a much bigger picture where he has had a lot to deal with in his life, he is very damaged. I am trying to help him get through it and don't want him to damage his kids either. They all deserve so much to be happy. Thanks you all so much for your kind support tonight x

he really needs some help and I don't know where to get it

There's no point in you getting help for him if he's not willing to seek it for himself and at, what is most probably, 40+ years of age I daresay that many have tried to help him to no avail because he's an alcoholic who, from what you've said, easily becomes violent.

Tell him to go to AA and make contact with Al-Anon for yourself.

You can't heal him and only he can repair his relationship with his adult dc which has no doubt taken a severe hammering over the years due to his behaviour.

You haven't stated the holiday destination but it would clearly not be a good idea for him to go to any country where booze is cheaper than in the UK

I hope he had the foresight to buy holiday insurance although, of course, that won't help him if he gets arrested and, fwiw, the British Consulate is unlikely to be of any great assistance in those circumstances nor, ftr, will the UK police be interested in doing anything other than meeting him off the plane if he kicks off during his return journey.

you need to get right away from all this drama. you cannot help him get through it. His kids are already damaged by him and nothing you can do will change this. Sure they deserve to be happy but as long as he is an active alcoholic it won't happen.

Get away from him or accept that you have years of these useless pointless emotional dramas ahead of you. It doesn't matter how nice he is sober or what explanation there is for his damaged personality - he is damaged, an alcoholic and only he can save himself.

Treat yourself better and ignore the lure of the drama. his poor kids are stuck with him in their lives (even if they go nc, he is there somewhere). you don't have to take this on.